Mirror, Mirror
by GalaxyVisionary
Summary: Most people have seen their reflection, but the result is twisted and deceptive. She only sees brokenness, trying to mend and repair herself with promiscuity, alcohol, cigarettes, and anything she can get her hands on. He grieves her means of coping and is overcome with a need to help her. Will she one day look at her reflection and not just see fragments, but someone who is whole?
1. Chapter 1: The Struggle

**Chapter One: The Struggle**

I grip the brass, carved edges of the great floor length mirror. I bow my head, shame crashing on me like a tidal wave – raging and relentless. Now was the moment of truth…now was the time to see how skinny I was. After how hard I've worked to get this way. I started with counting calories, watching my carb intake, double checking that I consumed low fat foods and gluten free products. I tried dieting for a week, living off of tuna fish and water. I passed out the third day, as if my body didn't want to cooperate. It never did…exercising was taxing and did nothing for me. What a waste of time it was. The sensation of my lungs burning and the excruciating pain shooting up my legs became _so_ familiar…but in the end, hardly any progress was made. Not the progress I wanted.

My name is Kurumi Fujioka; a 15 year old, second year at Kaibara Highschool. I'm actually a Sohma, but I took on a fake surname so I can distance myself from them as much as possible. My blue hair and rainbow eyes don't help that situation, but what can I do? I'm the peacock of the zodiac. Try as I may, I can't hide who I am…even though I like to think otherwise.

I bite my lip, conjuring up enough brevity to face myself in the glass. I blink back at my reflection, anxiety wedging itself in my gut. My heart rate quickens as my eyes trail down my figure…not at all appealing or satisfyingly curvy. In fact, I look fatter than yesterday. I groan in frustration and push away from the unforgiving mirror. After a month I still don't look any different. Nothing ever worked. Just once…I wanted to be deemed beautiful…just once…

XxX

The very next morning, my alarm's blares fill the room; the irritating siren breaking the once peaceful silence and the prevalence it held. I drag myself out of bed and trudge to my chartreuse dresser to smack the alarm so that it shuts off. A yawn forces its way out, and edges past my lips as I rub my eyes in sheer exhaustion. Smacking my lips together, I become painfully aware of my extreme case of morning breath. With great agitation I make my way to the bathroom to freshen up and at least fix my hair to some degree.

By the time I've taken care of my hygiene, tied my blue hair up in a top knot – securing it in place with bobby pins – and have changed into the Kaibara uniform, I slink down the stairs with my bag slung carelessly over my shoulder. My Dad's seated at the elegantly carved dining table, periodically sipping from his sleek black coffee mug and checking his e-mails. My Dad worked at a nearby, high-end law firm. If you wanted to sue someone, clear your name, or get divorced – he was your man. He was actually photogenic in a sort of geeky way; his dark brown hair was voluminous and reached the tips of his ears, his chocolate unassuming eyes were hidden behind tan, round frames; his face had been clean shaven as he always had to keep it that way for seeing clients. Dad was tall, towering at 6 "2" and was nauseatingly, deeply, and profoundly in love with my Mother.

My Mom – an esteemed school teacher – was slaving over the stove, preparing a breakfast for the three of us. Her raven hair falls over her eyes, her hair reaching the tip of her shoulders, and curling at the ends. Her eyes an oceanic blue, standing out against her milky white skin – she was short but was anything but a pushover. Mom to me seemed to wear the pants in the family; she always looked to be the one in control. She pretty much was…she's what kept this family running smoothly. She had to…

My family didn't reject me for being born a zodiac. Although I could never know the warmth of a Father's embrace, they still loved and cherished me deeply…I never understood how they could, but I supposed they didn't have much choice. I was the only child they had left. After the death of my brother in a drunk driving accident a year ago, my parents have been trying to draw closer to me ever since. It was as if they believed I would somehow fade from existence if they didn't ask how I was feeling every five seconds. To me, they did so out of fear…fear that if they didn't love me enough – I too would disappear.

I plopped down in the dark wooden chair, reaching for the box of fruit loops and pouring them into my teal bowl. Being the peacock, I had a deep fascination with the colors blue and green and their plethora of shades. My family used to tease me about that all the time…before my brother died, when we could still make jokes and have lighthearted moments…now the house often felt tense. Awkward. Like a violin carrying on a sad note for far too long.

Mom turned the eyes of the stove off, and poured the steaming scrambled eggs onto three separate plates. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and turned to me with a small smile. "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

There it was…

I popped the top of the milk carton open, and dumped the leftover contents into my bowl of cereal. "Fine…I guess…" except that I shouldn't be eating right now…did I ever learn?

"That's good. What about your grades? Have you been keeping them up?" She asked simply to make conversation; we all knew my grades sucked. I don't think I've ever seen a C in person, let alone an A. I barely got by years ago, now I just didn't care. It seemed after we lost Makoto, everything fell apart.

Dad lifted the mug to his lips before cutting in, "I was thinking lately about hiring a tutor for her…Yuki Sohma, he's a bloke I actually approve of. Why don't you have him work with you on your studies?"

I choked on my spoonful of fruit loops, and slammed my fist on the table as I coughed.

"Are you alright?" Mom rushed over, alarmed.

I waved her away, "Yeah…I'm fine. I just choked," I glared at Dad as I guzzled down my glass of orange juice.

Why did he have to bring him up? He didn't know the entire story of what went down between rat boy and I, but he knew the gist…we broke up.

 _It was during my first year of high school, days after the accident. I served on the student council that year as the school treasurer. Anyway, I'd decided to skip a meeting that day and instead sat outside the school sidewalk. I remember the suffocating and overwhelming darkness I felt. I'd stared up at the sky, everything appeared so dark…I'd been sitting there for so long; I hadn't even realized the sun had begun setting – the sky erupting in hues of pinks, purples, and blues. It wasn't until someone tapped me on the shoulder that I'd noticed how late it had gotten. I looked up into the prince's mysterious purple eyes. I saw Yuki and only Yuki. Everything else around me blurred and became a mute background noise._

 _"_ _Hello Miss Kurumi. I missed you in student council today," he said to me. "Are you alright?"_

 _He took a seat beside me. Akito's prized possession was actually asking about me. Honestly even though he was Akito's pet, I liked Yuki so much. Ever since we were younger I had been infatuated with him. He was always so kind to me, something I wasn't used to._

 _"_ _I heard about the accident…I'm so sorry." His words caught me off guard. I supposed word spread quickly throughout the Sohma family. It wouldn't take long before someone knew all the skeletons in your closet._

 _I nodded, not knowing how to respond to his condolences. I'd been hearing so many apologies and words of pity these past few days that I didn't want to hear anymore. I managed to not cry the entire time. I shut my emotions off, refusing to feel anything. I numbed myself so that I wouldn't be in pain. I wouldn't allow myself to sink so deep into my grief that I wouldn't be able to snap out of it…but in this moment as Yuki looks at me with such sadness reflected in those purple eyes…I find that I curl within myself; a lump forming in my throat, my throat tight as tears well in my eyes. A tear escapes the corner of my eye, as I look at him. He draws me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me as my heart twisted painfully. Yuki had been the only one to comfort me, the only one to see through my façade and know the deep anguish I felt…it wasn't long after when we'd begun spending more time together and wound up dating a month later._

 _But Akito somehow found out about our relationship and threatened to lock me up in the cat room…so he let me go. The rat left me to my darkness, he left me to suffer and wallow in my depression alone…all because he thought I needed his protecting. I told him countless times that I could protect myself, but he never relented. He eventually stopped returning my texts, so things ended between us…and I never wanted to associate myself with Yuki or see him again._

"I think I'm going into school early. I'll see you guys later," before they could respond, I tossed my bag over my shoulder, pulled on my doc martens, and was out the door.

* * *

 **Hey guys! I was originally going to wait until I finished this story all the way through, but I couldn't help it xD I wanted to publish it two-three chapters in. But, I'm working hard on this and The Arranged Marriage so I can make speedier updates! (That's a hint that I haven't abandoned that story :p) I hope you all enjoy as I delve into new, unexplored territory with this character.**

 **For those of you that have been around for a bit of time, this was originally another fanfic I had written entitled, "Rainbow Of The Past, Rain Of The Future," and I'm re-doing it entirely with a different plot.**

 **I hope you all enjoy and the next chapter is already written! I'm just waiting for how you guys respond before I post ;)**

 **Anyway, baiiii :3**


	2. Chapter 2: The Weigh In

**Chapter Two: The Weigh In**

I sank down to my haunches, pressing my back to the red brick of the wall nearby the dumpster. The school bell's chimes reverberate and echo off the walls as I draw in a breath of my cigarette.

After breaking up with Yuki and mourning the death of my brother, I searched high and low for something that could fix me. I desperately craved means of consolation and compensation, a way to distract me from the aftermath of it all. One day I stopped by the gas station to pick up a pack of Peachy-o candy and a can of vault for a sugar fix. As I shoved the bag of candy into my grey sweatshirt pocket, the shelves of smokes caught my eye. Brands upon brands as far as the eye could see. Before I knew it, nicotine became my new best friend. I tried it out of desperation and a sense of curiosity, I wondered if it would actually make me feel better. If I'd actually feel… _right_.

But I realized a few months in, as I learned how to inhale and take drags of a cigar, tried dip – the more I discovered how much I'd missed out on. I had no intention of quitting; it was the only decent thing about my life. The only constant in my world as everything else shifted and changed around me.

As I flicked the ashes aside, I heard the sound of subtle approaching footfalls. Fear seized me. I'd never once been caught. I thought I was careful enough.

Just as I was about to make my escape, black and white hair appeared into view. Stormy eyes peered into my own, as Haru continued making his way over.

I squashed the butt of the cigarette into the palm of my hand, quenching the flame. I tossed it over my shoulder as he stopped directly in front of me. Haru was one of the only Sohmas I actually gave a crap about. Even though he was chummy with rat boy, he never once tried to convince me that Yuki was in the right. Haru was loyal, sweet, and he'd always been there for me. Part of me wonders what would have happened if it had been Haru to comfort me on the curb that day, instead of Yuki.

He runs a gloved hand through his monochromatic mane as a smile tugs at his lips. "I could see you as a chain smoker one day…"

I returned his smile and placed another cigarette between my teeth. "Why stop after one?"

He chuckles as he joins me, pressing his back to the wall. "I never understood the appeal to smoking…what do you get out of it?"

"Narcotics…are pure ecstasy…they make you feel good," I explained coyly as I dug through my pocket for my lighter.

Ages of silence passed between us before he worked up the nerve to speak again.

"…are you doing okay Kurumi? Lately you seem…really skinny." His eyes dance with concern for me, although I don't get why he has reason to be.

I snort and shove him lightly, "Please. I wish that was my problem. I'm gonna finish this one up and then I gotta get to class. Otherwise my parents will force me to attend an all girls' school," I shuddered at the thought.

Haru's grey eyes darken slightly, "Okay…but at least come with us to Shigure's after school. We're all meeting there before going ice skating."

I turned my head so that I could check if he were serious. "…ice skating? Really? I can see it now, doing figure eights with a pretentious, macho, overprotective rodent…can't think of a better way to spend my Friday night," I deadpan as I blow out another breath of smoke.

Haru sighs and takes my free hand in his own, "Please? I want you to meet Tohru. And Kisa will be there, you love her."

Wow, he played the Kisa card. That's low. "Fine…but make sure that brat Hiro keeps his distance and I'll go."

A smile graces his lips as he releases my hand, "Ok. See you Kurumi."

XxX

As soon as school let out, I took my time getting to the locker. I wasn't looking forward to an evening with the Prince, but I did want to see Kisa and spend time with Haru…the decision had been practically out of my hands.

I tug at the too short uniform skirt before spinning the lock with my combination. The metallic green door opens with an irritating creak as I toss my books into the locker. My eye lands on the glossy photo of Makoto, pinned to the locker vents. His black hair mussed, grinning from ear to ear, his hand held up in a peace sign, hoisting up a 1st place Tae Kwon Do trophy in the other. I remember that day from two years ago…I'd never seen him so happy… but accomplishing something does that for you….I wouldn't know the feeling.

With a deep sigh, I gently close the door shut – not wanting to face him any longer. Much to my surprise, Kyo's face pops into view. "What the…" I jump back, startled at his sudden appearance.

"What the heck Kyo?!" I punch him in the arm. Hard. Kyo hisses in response, cat ears popping up.

"Did you have to hit me? Sheesh. Haru told me to tell you we're waiting outside."

I narrow my eyes – still annoyed at being startled – and began walking off. "You shouldn't have scared me then moron…"

Kyo rolled his eyes in response before jogging ahead of me to try and get out the doors first. Real mature Kyo…besides, if it weren't for his head start – I'd win that race.

XxX

The ice skating rink was packed with people wall to wall. Not zodiac friendly in the least. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to enjoy this outing if I tried, I had to constantly make sure I didn't run into any guys…not an easy feat.

Purple and pink strobe lights flash as bubble gum pop blasts from the speakers.

Tohru – who I met moments ago – was clumsily trying to teach Momiji how to stay off his butt long enough to skate. Ayame and Shigure were skidding across the ice like idiots, Haru was skating backwards without a care in the world, Kyo stood off to the side glaring at any chick that dared look his way, Hiro was helping Kisa to her feet, and Yuki was simply spectating like I was.

I ensured there was five feet between us, and I didn't bother with making small talk. It was all just unbearably awkward. Just as it was anytime we were within the same parameter.

Yuki shuffles from foot to foot, stealing glances at me every few seconds. I try ignoring him and focus on the overly produced trash blasting from the speakers. I tap my fingers along to the unoriginal instrumental, anything to keep me from looking back at him. After three minutes of this, I have enough and pivot so that I face him.

"What is it?"

Yuki coughs into his fist before casting his gaze to the floor. "You look…I was just, you look beautiful…Kurumi."

I raise an eyebrow in confusion. Where'd that crap come from…?

I rolled my eyes and refocused my attention on Haru who was now sitting on the ice, and staring at the ceiling with mild interest.

As I was about to retort with something snarky, Ayame and Shigure bustle over.

"Its time to eat! Everyone gather around," Ayame declared in his sultry voice.

Shigure looped his arm through Ayame's. "Yes! Tonight we eat like kings…! Or, like royal subjects at the very least."

XxX

By the time everyone was rounded up, we all pushed a few tables together and were feasting on nachos, teriyaki, pizza, and downing beer and soda. Everyone but me that is…

I ordered a small plate of salad to ease suspicion, but I was just moving the lettuce around every now and then and listening in on everyone else.

I was keeping up the act and things were kind of okay until Tohru turned towards me, her bright blue eyes trained on me …I decided I liked Tohru. She was a bit too perky for me to spend too much time around, but she was sweet. But I couldn't see us as friends. The girl was so innocent and pure that I could never think to shatter her naiveté with my issues…never.

"Kurumi, please tell me more about you…if you want to, I mean. I wouldn't want to pry. Oh I'm probably being so intrusive! I'm sorry. I-"

I held up a hand to stop her string of apologies, "Its fine Tohru… but I'm not really sure what you want to know, my life is pretty bland."

Kyo snorted from where he was contently scarfing down his tray of cheesy, gooey, nachos. "Right, says the person that goes to raves and parties every weekend and spends time after school getting smashed."

I shot the cat an irritated look as I twirled my plastic fork. I didn't want Tohru to know about that. Her blue eyes were so bright and innocent they put me to shame. I was just the brother-less slut with nothing better to do but drink, smoke, and have one night stands with someone I'd met seconds beforehand.

I'd been ignoring my appetite in hopes of trying to keep the weight off, but now the change in conversation made me lose it all together. I didn't feel _remotely_ hungry now.

Yuki simply stared down at his glass of cream soda – classy and sophisticated, typical – and avoided even looking my way.

Hah, he probably found my lifestyle repulsive…not that I cared what he thought. My life was no longer any of his concern, and it never would be again.

XxX

Eventually, we began going our separate ways as the night came to a close. After Kyo's stupid reveal, I'd been on edge the rest of the evening. I didn't write Tohru off to be judgmental, I just couldn't picture that…but it still didn't make the shame I felt dissipate…it intensified as the night carried on and thoughts of the rat's silent insults filled my mind. He was probably glad to get out when he did…he should be.

Glancing down at my phone screen I realized time was edging towards 10:30, and I had absolutely nothing to do. Under normal circumstances by this time I would have been partaking in a game of shots…getting lit or letting some guy step to me any way he liked…I wasn't used to having so much time to myself on a Friday night. I wasn't used to being alone….alone with my thoughts.

As I make my trek home, I kick a nearby glass pebble in front of me for a few steps before I eventually lose my rhythm. I just wanted something to do to keep my mind busy, but even that didn't last long.

My mind threatened to plunge me into memories of my brother, a painful sensation wrapped around my heart every time his smile flashed through my mind. That endearing smile of his that was so infectious that even on your worst day, you couldn't help but join in. Or how he could always make you laugh and dished out the best advice…I missed him in quiet moments like this. When it was just me in the dead of the night, the only sound being the howling wind that nipped at my skin every now and then. I was too stupid to go home and change out of my uniform and was now practically freezing to death because it's February in Tokyo…

Irritation filled the recesses of my mind. I was so used to the darkness…but it never comforted me to have this as constant. I wanted something regular that I might cling to amidst the chaos, a way to cope. But this wasn't the constant I was looking for…and the cigarettes weren't much better although I liked to pretend otherwise.

Only a quarter into my walk home, someone ran up beside me – their breathing staccato like. I cocked my head to the side and realized it was Haru.

"Hey…Kurumi…why didn't….you let me…see you home?" He asked in between breaths. I slowed my pace so that he could reclaim oxygen and I shrugged in response. "I just felt like getting out of there and crashing. Besides, what are you doing out here with a girl like me on a Friday night? What about Rin?" I asked as I elbowed him playfully.

I expected him to respond right back, our banter always filled the empty silence…but he kept silent. He kept his eyes on the road ahead, not saying a single word. I peered at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Haru…? What's wrong?"

Suddenly he stopped in his tracks. Without warning, he just…stopped. I too stopped walking and turned to him in curiosity.

"Haru…"

His eyes fixated on mine, his eyes the dark and invasive black that I usually found intriguing now scared me. I wondered if my question was causing him to black out when instead he took my hands in his, his eyes never leaving mine.

"That's…Akito destroyed that relationship… I want her back but…I don't know. I'm just thinking about whether I should continue this. It's been a back and forth thing with her. She tells me she's tired of me one moment, and then the next she misses me…I don't know what to do yet…"

 _If Makoto were still alive, he'd know what to do._ I can't help but think bitterly.

I shiver slightly as I grip his hands in my own, "I think that if you really love and cherish her, you'll fight for her. But, you need to do what's best for her…even if it means that you can't do what feels good for you." I know my advice sucked, but I'd been on this end of things only once. See how well that worked out for me.

Haru smiled slightly before beginning to walk again, my hand still joined to his. "Okay…let's get you home so you can warm up."

XxX

It's Saturday morning when I find myself subconsciously counting the grains on the ceiling. Memories flood my mind as I struggle to keep my mind elsewhere...anywhere but on last night...

I instead took Haru home so he wouldn't get lost, then left for my own place. But then I thought better of it and went the opposite direction entirely.  
The moon perched above me followed me as my feet lead me towards a great Victorian house. A place I always knew to stop by for a good time.

Being a zodiac it wasn't an easy thing to get laid - trust me. Guys most of the time weren't all that touchy feely and typically didn't expect you to stay in their bed until the sun came up, talking about your feelings. But I always told the guy up front that we'd do it on my terms and that I'd be gone soon as it was over.

This time was different...

I eyed the front door, debating on knocking this time of night or sneaking around back. The latter won out and I cut through the hedges, a thorn barely scraping my elbow as I maneuvered around back.

I turned the knob of the door, knowing that it would be unlocked. The door easing open confirmed that as I was met with a span of darkness, stepping into the foyer.

The room is filled with antique vases and love seats with a tan chaise placed in a random corner.

I looked towards the almond spiral staircase, moonlight streaming through the windows leaving rectangular shadows on the steps as if they were guiding my feet as I made my ascent.

Once I'd reached the top of the stairs I made my way down the hallway, finding the bedroom I could stumble upon in my sleep.

I cracked the door open, and there he was lying on his bed, hands folded behind his head as he watches Heaven's Lost Property. It made sense for him being more into the hentai side of anime...

His auburn and black hair covered his right eye, his burgundy t-shirt had a hole in its pocket, his black sweatpants wrinkled and splotched with spray paint from his street art work.

His eyes land on me, sending him to sit up - but not the least bit taken aback by my unannounced visit. We'd had a friends with benefits thing going after I'd split up with Yuki. I was mad and wanted to make him jealous...at least that's how it started.

Yoshi ran his hand through his hair, his mouth fixed in a scowl as if I was disrupting something important. Like watching a bunch of flying underwear on screen was an urgent matter.

"Kurumi, we need to talk..."  
Those were some of the worst words you could hear. Right up there with 'I'm pregnant' and 'I regret to inform you...'

I let my hand drop to my side as I remain under the threshold, feeling like an unwanted visitor.

"What?" The question leaves my mouth before my mind has time to catch up. I wasn't ready to know what he had to say...but here we were.

"I..." he began, scratching at his chin dotted with stubble. "I don't think we should be involved any more. To be honest, I just want more than you can give me..."

My mouth dropped at his blatancy.

"But hey, we can still keep in touch doll face…besides; any guy would jump at the chance to bang you."

Yeah, everyone except you.

"You don't need me...plus, I have a girlfriend now. Hiko. But, we're cool right?"

Without saying anything, I closed the door shut behind me and let myself out. What. An...Idiot. He was such a waste of time. What was I thinking?

So now I lie here trying to forget that night ever happened. How humiliating...

Footsteps thunder up the stairs shortly before knocking sounds from my beaten white door.

"Sweetie, there's two girls here for you; Kagura and Tohru."

Tohru...? What was she doing here? Better yet, what was that psychotic pig doing here? I couldn't stand the girl and the feeling was quite mutual. The only thing that broad was good for was bacon...honestly.

I groaned and tossed the covers off before forcing myself into a seated position. The cold air hit my legs as I placed my feet on the tan carpet and shuffled to open the door.

Kagura and Tohru stood in the hallway – Tohru dressed in a tan trench coat, a black pleated skirt, black stockings, and black pumps. She carried a golden brown, handwoven basket filled to the brim with food. Kagura stood off to the side in a sunny yellow dress, stuffing an envelope sealed with a cat sticker into her lime green backpack.

"Kurumi, hi! Everyone is getting together to eat and play in the park, I wanted to know if you would join us!" Tohru's eyes shimmered with glee, as she shifted the basket slightly.

This early? Didn't any of them sleep?

I nudged the door open further, turning towards Kagura. "So glad to see you've graced me with your presence."

Kagura rolled her eyes, "Don't get used to it. Kyo told me to go with Tohru because I knew where you lived…I only did it for my love so don't get any ideas sister!"

I scoffed at this and directed my attention on Tohru, "Um…I guess I'll go…just give me a few moments to get ready," I offered a polite smile before closing the door.

I gripped the hem of my shirt, ready to remove it when I heard Kagura say, "With Kurumi, it'll take her a few years."

I decidedly ignored that comment and searched my dresser for something warm that I could wear. I managed to find a black blazer, a blue blouse, and a matching black skirt to be paired with leggings. As I stretched the skirt's waist band to step into it, a wave of dizziness hit me hard and I staggered back a few steps. My hand flew to my head on automatic, my legs wobbling slightly.

It had only been 36 hours since I'd last eaten…I didn't think I would feel like this already…

With a groan of frustration, I placed a hand on the dresser to steady myself as I continued dressing. I hated that I always had to eat something…I just wanted to look decent, was that too much to ask?

XxX

A winter gust sweeps the park as children mill about, chasing one another. A collie dog barks up at its owner, waiting hungrily for their reward for performing tricks. Momiji ropes Tohru and Kisa into a game of tag, Hiro is stuffing his face with bento, Yuki is engrossed in a novel, Haru is stretched out on his back, and Kagura is chasing Kyo up the nearby cherry blossom tree.

I flop down next to Haru and lie out on the grassy area beside him, staring up at the cloudy sky with slight interest.

My stomach rumbles, interrupting our shared silence. Haru looked at me, a smirk playing on his lips. "…hungry?"

I shoved him slightly before sitting up. "Gee, what gave it away?"

Haru's eyes shine with mirth as his smile broadens, "I'll get something for you to eat."

Haru jumped to his feet and set off in search of some grub whilst I wrapped my hands around the thermos of hot tea I smuggled out of the house, and absorbed the heat.

Why we were at a park in the dead of winter was far beyond me.

My eyes slid shut as the sounds of shrieking children filled my ears, a dull pounding forming at my temples as I focused my attention on warming up and trying to ignore the shrill background noise.

Someone sat down beside me – Haru I presume –heat radiating off of their body.

"I bet you didn't go for the beef… I don't really peg you to be a cannibal," I joked as I opened my eyes and realized that it wasn't Haru I made the remark to…but Yuki.

My body tensed immediately, any hilarity I found diminishing as I inched away from the rat. Why was he bothering me?

"Oh…it's you…"

Yuki bobbed his head, not bothering to offer any words of explanation. Like, why he plopped his butt down next to me when he could be salivating after Tohru. I'd noticed the way he looked at her like she was…special…cherished…which I could understand if you went for that sort of thing; perky, optimistic, someone with their head in the clouds.

But I was a stark contrast to that girl. I was forced to remain in the reality of being in the shadow of my dead brother, shrouded in a bitter, cold darkness…being happy, an unreachable and unattainable hope…one I knew to not expect.

Haru took his time getting back; two plates of food balanced in his hands, his eyes cast to the sky not even caring to focus on what was ahead of him. Surprisingly, he stepped over sprawled out legs of nearby people and dogs – without looking – as he finally took his place on the grass…next to Yuki.

"Yuki," Haru's eyes softened as he uttered the name of my ex-boyfriend, passing a plate of teriyaki my way. At least he managed to bring my all-time favorite dish…but that still didn't make me feel better about how kind he was to the rodent.

"Hello Haru…did you remember to read your book for Japanese History? The one that documented survivors of the war."

Haru shrugged his shoulders as he stuffed his face with his fried rice. "Not really…"

Yuki sighed and rolled his shoulders back, "I honestly don't know how you expect to excel like that."

"Simple," Haru began in between bites, "As long as I get a D, I pass…the end."

I nodded in agreement, stabbing the teriyaki with my wooden chopsticks. "I have the same philosophy. And honestly, anything past basic math isn't going to help you in life. Most people forget about how to do that crap because they don't even use it…"

Yuki narrowed his eyes at me, annoyed that I was "egging Haru on."

Haru laughed, "Exactly. The stuff they force us to learn is a waste of time. They should make anything past the basics an elective. It shouldn't be required."

I drew a bite to my lips, "That goes for anything really. Science, history – we shouldn't have to take it if we're not going into a field that involves it."

Yuki gracefully made his way to his feet and brushed the slightly melted snow off his pants. "I'm going to go see if Miss Honda needs my assistance. It seems Momiji managed to get his lollipop stuck in her hair…again." Just as the rat was about to go – good riddance – Haru latched onto his elbow.

"But…Yuki…" Yuki smiled politely at Haru before shrugging him off and walking towards an entangled Tohru and Momiji.

I turned towards Haru, "I don't get it…you told me the story about why you like Yuki…but why do you like him so much? I mean I get that he disproved the whole "cow is stupid" garbage, but-"

Haru cut me off with an intense look, his eyes locked with mine, "Because, he protected me…who knows what I would have done if I'd always thought the rat was superior to the cow. I would have been angry all the time, not just when I'm black. I could have hurt a lot more people than I did…"

The rest of his words dulled out, and fleeted – forgotten. The word that stuck with me was "protected." The word that drove Yuki. The word that broke us up. The word that caused Rin to send Haru away…protection.

I swallowed the last bit of meat before placing the plate off to the side and drawing my knees to my chest. My eyes scan the sky, searching for answers. I somehow had this childish hope that my solution would be written in the clouds; appearing when I looked, disappearing when I turned away…but I was left foolish and unsatisfied…nothing in the sky, no answers to whether I should try to patch things up with Yuki…nothing.

XxX

When I got home, I decided to do my regular weigh in. Usually every morning I would climb out of bed and step onto my grey and black chromatic scale, hoping that I would see the number from yesterday climb down…even if by one, I always hoped and believed that it would happen.

This time was different; I hadn't had a chance to do so before I left the house. So now I wanted to see if the 36 hours of starvation and the little plate of meat did anything for me.

My parents were out grocery shopping so I was home alone. I started out walking up the stairs, restraining myself from bolting into my bathroom to check. But, something got the better of me and I couldn't help myself. I had to know…I had to know if I'd lost something from my fasting venture.

I ran into my room – tossing my coat and bag onto the bed – and removed my shoes before stepping onto the cool ceramic bathroom tiles. I drew in a breath, attempting to calm my erratic heartbeat as I stared down at my feet, dressed in black knee socks.

I could do it…I needed to know – had to know.

I tentatively placed one foot on the scale, and then the other followed on automatic – maintaining my balance. I inhaled and exhaled as I awaited my results, the scale shifting to reveal how fat or skinny I was…

I squeezed my eyes shut, not willing to look…not wanting to see that my efforts had been in vain.

 _You're being ridiculous, stop being a wimp and check already._

I peeked out of one eye, looking down at the numbers in bright red text.

130.

That number…130…it seemed so large…130…If I had 130 grains of rice, that number would seem small…130…but in the case of how much I weighed, the number was ginormous.

I couldn't step off the scale fast enough as I backed away from it, like it were a plague I refused to catch…but it was inevitable. 130. I was fat…that was ten pounds above where I needed to be for my height.

I leaned my back against the counter, wanting support as I attempted to fight back the frustration building up within me…desperation causing my shoulders to draw to the tips of my ear, tension hitting its crescendo.

All those weeks of work, down the drain…they did nothing…I was still so…huge. Tears pricked at my eyes as my heart palpitated, defeat becoming my new reality.

What a waste it was. What a waste. What a –

Through bleary eyes, I noticed the john beside me. The porcelain bowl taunting as my eyes trailed from the toilet to the mirror – facing my own red, splotchy face in the mirror.

The idea dawned on me in that moment…a fool proof way to get what I wanted. A way to get what I needed…

I staggered towards my door, glancing into the hallway – double checking that no one was home yet. I closed my door to be on the safe side and stumbled into the bathroom, a hopelessness causing my heart to twist and my stomach to churn.

I knelt down to the cool tiles; I eyed the bowl of water, my thoughts teetering back and forth. _Do it. Don't do it. Do it. Don't do it._ The number on the scale propelling me forward.

The former won out and I pulled my hair back with my right hand, a few tresses escaping and sweeping my cheekbones. My left hand shook as I drew it closer, closer to my mouth.

A tear trickled down my cheek and plunked into the toilet bowl, joining the water…

I could do it. It would only be until I lost those extra ten pounds…only for a little while.

I let out a shuddery breath before I pried my mouth open, apprehensively; half wondering if it would hurt, and half wondering how far back I should go.

I pushed my left index finger as far back as I could go, gagging myself – the half-digested teriyaki spilling out…one down…only a few more times to go until I could be skinny…only for a little while.

* * *

 **Hey guys :D I know this chapter is incredibly long, but that's because it was originally two chapters *shrugs***

 **Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed and look forward to the next chapter!**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: For lack of a better word...yay! :D I was concerned that it would come off as lame, but I'm glad the beginning turned out well! :) I'm working at character depth (as you know) and I accidentally typed character death but ah well. So that's great to hear! ^.^**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Thank you for reading and reviewing another one of my stories :) I know I've written a lot of them (too much) lol but thank you!**

 **I'm working on chapter three now! See you all then. Baiii :3**


	3. Chapter 3: Through The Mud

**Chapter Three: Through The Mud**

I wake up before my alarm has time to go off, my body having its own internal clock – working against me in this instance. It was too early to even be alive. I stumble about in my pitch black room, and press the off button, an improvement from my hitting the snooze button five times.

This time when I enter the bathroom, I look through different lenses – as if I'd not been here before. I felt like I was invading someone else's vicinity, as if it didn't belong to me.

But I knew it did. I knew this was where I'd purged…where either the hunger pains or the aftermath of seeing Yuki got to me, I couldn't tell you. All I know is that I started something irreversible…something I couldn't back down from.

What was I saying…? There's no need to be worried…I'd heard horror stories of anorexics but that's only because they weren't careful. They were people that lost control…I wouldn't go too far; just enough to lose the excessive pounds and then it would all be over, forgotten.

XxX

When lunch rolled around, I balanced my crimson lunch tray as my eyes scanned the grassy area for a place I could sit. Although I hated the idea of it, cliques were a normal thing for schools, it's really subtle discrimination. You either fit in with someone or no one, all or nothing.

A group huddled around the sidewalk closest to the school's entrance were all conversing, an energetic lilt could be heard from a distance. They were the student council, whom I'd once belonged to…before things began going horribly wrong…before I switched out during the second semester of my first year.

Yuki wasn't among them; he usually ate with the rest of the Sohmas. And for once, I couldn't blame him for that.

His fan club always sat by the slowly blooming oak tree, their eyes fixated on the prince or narrowed at me. Those broads always gave me trouble when I was dating Yuki. They were the reason I almost got suspended last year…was it really my fault they had a death wish?

"Kurumi," a cheery voice calls from nearby.

I turn towards the direction of the disembodied voice and realize that it was Tohru. What could she want?

"Please join us!" She flags me down, motioning with her hand. I look around once more, hoping for any other options. With a sigh, I drag myself over to the group, taking my sweet time.

I knew it was ridiculous but I couldn't help but wonder if they somehow knew what I had done. There was no tell-tale expression on my face, I made sure of that. But I always had this sneaking suspicion that people always knew of what I did in the dark...what about me lays hidden, buried.

Tohru scooted over so that I was forced to sit between herself and Momiji. The curly haired boy turned his amber eyes on me; he stuck a cherry lollipop – still in its wrapper – out to me. For a moment I just stared, wondering what I was supposed to do with it. The half German boy giggled as he thrust it in my face, "You're supposed to take it silly! Don't you like candy?"

"No," I replied simply, stabbing my grape juice box with the crappy straw the school provided.

Momiji's eyes clouded with disappointment a moment before clearing. He shrugged, "Okay…suit yourself."

Kyo sighed deeply, "Why do I got a bad feeling about today?" I mulled his question over for a few moments; I too wondered what felt so weird about today.

Yuki scoffed, "Its Valentine's Day stupid cat, don't you know that?"

I bit my lip, a lame attempt to stifle my laughter. I knew what this day meant for Kyo…misery for him, and a show for me. Just as I expected Kyo shot to his feet, sizing up the school grounds.

"I gotta go…I've been through this once already. If I don't get outta here now, she'll find me for sure and I'm as good as dead. Where can I go that she won't find me?!" He gripped his hair anxiously.

"Forget it! I'll just go someplace other than here." Before the cat could break off in a run, the pig barreled him over, the two falling to the ground in a tangled heap.

"Kyo! Hold…still!" The boar grunted as she struggled to pin both of his wrists to the grass.

"No…woman! Let me go!"

I couldn't help it then. I burst out laughing at the display, not caring to stop it anymore. It was hilarious to me; my arch enemy beating the daylights out of the pest…things were finally looking up.

I felt tears streaming out of my eyes as Kagura wrapped her arm around Kyo's neck, putting him into a choke hold, her eyes twinkling as the demented pig held him in place. I knew the idiot would be fine...he made me believe cats really _did_ have nine lives.

Maybe laughing at it made me sadistic…but I honestly couldn't help it. Strangely, that was the one thing I had in common with the rat, our mutual dislike for kitty cat.

In the moment the thought entered my mind, Yuki's eyes met mine. He too look amused by the situation and for a short bit of time…we hadn't glared at one another. The realization was sobering leading me to look away, not wanting to let him back in. Not wanting to get hurt again. I'd been vulnerable to him last year. Dated him...told him things...but never again. I would keep up my walls; I would never let him get to me again.

XxX

When I arrive home I see Mom sitting at the table, hunched over. A pencil is tucked into her bun, her red grading pen in hand tapping against the smooth wood of the table; her glasses are perched on the end of her nose as she reviews a student's essay.

I set my bag down and search the fridge for my bottle of coke.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Her voice came out hollow, but pathetically and forcibly cheerful in the same instance. She'd asked me the question almost habitually now, as if it were her obligation and duty to check how I was feeling.

I didn't fully get why she bothered asking, my answer was always the same.

"Fine."

One word. One syllable was all she would get out of me. But then, what could I say? What could I tell her about my life that wouldn't break her, change any thoughts she might have about my innocence. For all she knew, my virginity was still intact. If she knew that her "little girl" was the raging slut people called her, she would distance herself from me and I'd lose her too.

I was used to the name calling from the girl's in my grade and I could even agree with all of them.

 _"_ _Bimbo," a brunette upperclassmen hissed at me after slapping me across the cheek._

 _"_ _You're such a…you're such a whore!"_

 _She couldn't do better than that…_

 _Her eyes were filled with tears. Her lip quivered as she spat these names at me as if they hurt me. She was aiming a gun at me, pulling the trigger, oblivious to the fact I wore a bullet proof vest._

 _I couldn't blame the girl; after all…I did screw her boyfriend one drunken summer night. But the girlfriend never likes to face facts; he was sober…I wasn't. He knew exactly what he was doing when he touched me, went down on me. I just took it, like a limp rag doll…I was out of it, I was vulnerable…but who cared. I got myself into those situations. I was the one that let them..._

"Kurumi? Are you alright?" Mom was trying to grab my attention. I hadn't realized that I'd been staring off into space as the lips of the coke bottle dangled from my hand.

I plastered on a smile and bobbed my head. "Yeah, of course…I'm always okay."

I'm never okay…

XxX

That evening I sit on my bed, my chemistry textbook in front of me, deprived of my attention. I couldn't focus on the stupid schoolwork and would rather be out somewhere, doing things that didn't evolve equations and labs. But I knew Mom and Dad's new policy; I had to have _all_ my work done before I could go anywhere. I sighed, slumping against the wall, hopelessly lost in the agglomeration of formulas covering the pages. It was all Greek to me, none of it made any sense. Ugh. If I want to go out…I have to do it…there's only one person that can help me with this.

 _Yuki._

No. I wasn't that desperate…

Yes…yes I was.

I reluctantly grab my phone, unlocking it, and scrolling through my list of contacts. I'd never been able to delete his number…I'd tried so many times to delete it. Heck, I still had pictures we'd taken together stuffed under my bed…

I quickly sent the message before I had a chance to back out.

 _Need help with Chem. U up 4 it?_

I stretched out on my scarlet comforter, my phone lying next to me, the screen fading to black on its own volition. What was I thinking? What. Was I…thinking?

He probably wouldn't say a thing. I'd forgotten _he_ was the one that stopped returning my messages the last time. He probably blocked my number.

Maybe I can go into hiding. Or join a convent, become a nun.

Yeah...right.

My phone chimed, the screen lighting up with a message.

 _Ok. I'll be there in ten minutes._

XxX

Ten minutes? Oh crap, I didn't think he would actually answer.

I jumped to my feet, and looked around the room, checking to see how it looked. It…looked like a pig sty. Well, Kagura was here not too long ago…I glanced at my alarm clock, nine minutes left. I quickly rushed around the room on auto pilot. Shoving clothes under my bed, throwing my mouse slippers into my closet, stuffing my bras into the green dresser. I gave it one final look over – decent enough – before rushing into the bathroom to make something of my appearance.

I brushed my blue strands of hair down and changed out of my silk night gown into a black, lacy, crop top with a zipper in the front, and a pair of black high-waisted shorts.

Why should I get dressed up for an ex-boyfriend? What was the point in that...? Now that I think about it, why did I even bother with my room?

Before I had time to give that too much thought, the doorbell rang. I could hear my Mom's feet padding across the wooden floor, and soft words of greeting. I pressed my ear to the door, barely able to make out what they were saying before I heard Mom call for me.

"Kurumi! Yuki's here! He's on his way up."

I stepped away, running my hands over my hair, hoping that I didn't look like I stuck my finger in a socket.

It was mere seconds before he rapped on my door, my heart thumping in time with his knocking.

 _Don't get worked up over him. He's not worth your time anymore._

I turned the handle, gently wedging the door open. Yuki carried a book in his hand, a notebook, and some flash cards. But that wasn't what stunned me. He was wearing a darker shirt – the first two buttons undone – and he wore a simple pair of jeans, something I'd never seen him wear. I'd honestly never seen him wear something looser than his school uniform…

He was straight-faced, sliding past me, his shoulder brushing mine softly as if in greeting. He set his stuff down before suddenly spinning on his heel, a slight pink twinging his cheeks, "Sorry…I shouldn't have just barged in like that…"

I closed the door behind me, taking a few steps forward, "Whatever…you used to come up here with me all the time…" I plopped down on the bed, crossing my legs and watching him with a half bemused expression.

Yuki cleared his throat before taking a seat in my blue desk chair, focusing his attention on the notebook, his hand flying across the page.

"What are you doing…exactly?" I asked, leaning forward a bit so that I could see.

"I'm creating a study guide for you so you'll be able to understand it…"

I snorted at this, retrieving my nail file from the desk, and running it across my nails. "It's like Haru and I said…it shouldn't be a requirement."

Yuki narrowed his eyes, "I do suppose people like _you_ would have a harder time with such advanced material."

My hand stilled, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yuki shook his head, "Never mind…forget I said anything."

I tossed the nail file aside – it bouncing off my comforter – and I crossed my arms across my chest. "No. Tell me."

"Stoichiometry is the relationship between the relative quantity of substances taking part in a reaction," he rattled off as if I were unintelligible enough to be so easily distracted.

I rolled my eyes, "Wow…who knew chemistry could sound so… _sexy_."

Yuki gulped so loud that even I could hear it, as he hurriedly turned the page of the textbook, "A covalent bond is a bond formed by the sharing of electrons by two atoms."

Well, I might as well have _some_ fun with this...

"Why the sudden change in conversation _Yuki_? Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?"

Yuki faced me, irritation marring his usually cordial facade, "I think if you spent more time doing homework instead of sleeping around you would actually do well in school."

My mouth dropped, never expecting to hear the prince say something like that about me…he'd _never_ thrown that in my face…not until today.

His eyes widened as if he too were surprised by his words. "Kurumi…I'm sorry I-" he stammered as I got to my feet, closing the distance between us.

"You're right. I am stupid…but maybe if _you_ got some, you wouldn't be such a stick in the mud." Before he could apologize anymore, I cut him off with a kiss, pouring heat into it, anger searing through me. If he thought I was such a whore…I'd show him one.

The rat stiffened, but I didn't stop. I climbed into his lap, my legs straddling his waist as my tongue darted into his mouth, meeting the heat of his own. I threaded my fingers in his hair and he relaxed slightly, his other hand grabbing for my hip as he reciprocated the kiss. I leaned into him, his heart beat thudding against my own. I took his bottom lip between my teeth, eliciting a gasp.

It wasn't long before I broke the kiss and scrambled off of him.

He was left panting, staring at me in bewilderment as I smirked at him, a sick satisfaction at leaving him speechless for once.

"You can't learn how to make someone feel like _that_ in chemistry class…guess being a dumb _slut_ has its perks."

* * *

 **Whoa...things wound up a _lot_ steamier than I planned going into this chapter lol But that happens I guess.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as there was a YukixKurumi moment :D But what will happen between them shall remain a mystery...until next chapter :)**

 **Sweet Liars: Wow I didn't expect you to read my story :O I love the fanfic you wrote "Life As We Know It," I'd just like to say you're an incredible writer! ^.^ And ooh, same girl. Same. 130 is like five pounds from where I need to be, that would be quite the achievement :p I agree with you, I do want to change up the pairing for this story. Haru and Kyo just happen to be my faves ^.^ Her parent's aren't dead...but her brother is. Sorry xD Thank You for stopping by and caring to read and review!**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: I can't wait for you to read the next one :D**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: But of course darling :D I do love reading or writing about the on-going tug of war people experience when making decisions. To me, that's one of the things that threads us all together, our daily struggles. Thank ya! And I know...I can kind of get how you don't like Kyo...but not really :'( How could you? :O Is it safe to assume you've killed him off in a story? ;)**

 **See you all next time. Baiii :3**


	4. Chapter 4: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

**Chapter Four: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do**

Once the initial shock crumbled away, pain flashed in his eyes. He opened his mouth then closed it. His lips didn't dare form the words we both knew he was thinking.

I took a seat on my bed, cross-legged and stared out the French doors that opened to the balcony. The sky darkened and stars glittered in the sky, the crescent moon's shimmering light cast shadows on the black balcony railing. I didn't tear my eyes away; I didn't want to see his expression.

"You hurt me…" I murmured softly, twirling my blue tresses.

"What?"

I winced at the lack of care in his voice, how it was void of any emotion...he never used to sound like that, even before we started dating...

 _"_ _Yuki…what does your name mean?" I asked one evening we were together. It was summer time; we both lied out on a plaid blanket, beneath the stars, at the Sohma summer home. I'd told him viewing the night sky from the beach brought on a different atmosphere, he told me to prove it._

 _His hand was intertwined with my own, draped over my stomach as I rested my head on his chest; his heartbeat better than music, like a rapid drumbeat in my ear. Every time he spoke, his voice rumbled in his chest._

 _"_ _That's quite the random inquiry…I believe it means snow…"_

 _I recall grinning like an idiot as I mulled over the meaning. Thinking it didn't fit him, he was so warm and kind even though he did act like a Grandma at times…_

 _"_ _That's silly," a laugh escaped me as I trained my eyes on the full moon above us, the glow illuminating the ocean, the tides crashing against the shoreline and retreating…_

 _"_ _What name fits me then?" His chest rumbled, my heart soaring at the familiar vibrations. Yuki was here…he wouldn't leave me…_

 _"_ _If the name weren't taken, I would say Haru. His name means sun. That's what you are Yuki...warm, like the sun."_

But now I realize how wrong I was. The name fit him perfectly. He was cold, dark, and all that followed him was bitterness and disappointment. Regret…sorrow.

I turned to him sharply, my eyes narrowed, "…nothing. I think you should go…"

A look of confusion appeared, and fleeted just as quickly as he rose to his feet. Yuki scooped up his stuff and made his way out the door. A part of me wanted to stop him from leaving, to ask him to stay…but I wasn't about to beg and plead with someone who just stopped caring…He claimed he was protecting me, but he was the one that hurt me…he ignored me.

Just as he was about to leave, he looked back over his shoulder, a smile ghosting his lips. "I'll see you tomorrow Kurumi." Then he was gone.

XxX

The next morning I was seated at the table, my legs propped up on the empty chair beside me, and chugging a glass of milk when my Dad came running down the stairs, straightening his red satin tie.

He peered at me over his glasses, "Hey Rumi Roo," he whistled as he searched the cabinet for a coffee filter, filling it with the dark coffee grounds. On automatic, I rolled my eyes at the name he gave me when I was three. He thought it would be a cute idea to combine my name with a kangaroo because of his stint in Australia at the time.

"Hey Dad…where's Mom?"

He settled in at the table, a silver mug in hand, his eyes avoiding mine. "She left for school early to work on her lesson plan."

That was weird. In the five years Mom has been a teacher, she's never once gone to work early. Yesterday things seemed pretty frosty between them, but I just wrote it off as some marital spat…I guess they were still upset about whatever it was.

"Well," I slipped my backpack on. "I'd _love_ to stay and chat…but I am just _so_ excited to learn."

Dad scoffed as he slurped from his cup, "Sure Rumi Roo…have fun."

XxX

It was during lunch time when I decided to station myself in the girl's bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I wasn't ready to face Yuki after yesterday; I didn't want to put up with Tohru's bubbliness or Kyo's scrutiny. I wanted a moment to myself…that and I didn't feel like eating.

I dropped my bag to the tiles of the handicap stall, sat on top of it, and pulled my knees up to my chest, my head resting against the wall. Only thirty minutes…then I'd leave. Just a few more periods left…

The bathroom door thudded open, voices filled the room and I hoped no one looked down and saw me.

"Yuki _so_ wants me," a familiar nasally voice sounded from directly outside my stall. I almost gagged at her swooning.

"Please, he doesn't date anyone. Besides…all the Sohma boys are hot, why just stop with him?" Another voice chimed in.

"That's where you're wrong, he has dated someone. But she is _such_ a skank."

My eyes slid shut in aggravation. Why couldn't they talk crap about me somewhere else?

"I wonder where the prince found her. She was probably just a pity date, being a future prostitute and all," the irritating girl broke in with a laugh.

"Who says she's not one now?"

The laughter still rang in my ears after they left. My head pulsing, their snide remarks staying with me even when the bell rang. I decided to stay put, cutting my next class. No one would put it past me if I didn't show up, it was expected …who would care?

XxX

I began walking home; earbuds tucked into my ears, _Sober Serenade_ by Flyleaf blasting on high volume, my eyes closed as I pretended this day never happened. That I hadn't heard those girls…that Mom and Dad weren't fighting.

Out of nowhere someone slammed into me, knocking me over, everything spilling out of my bag, causing me to fall to my hands and knees.

"Ow," I cried as my palms stung from the impact.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going…" I recognized that voice. _Akito_.

But when I turned to confirm that, no one was there…

XxX

Later that evening I was bored out of my skull, my feet kicked up against the wall, my round pillow shoved beneath my head. I didn't have homework because I skipped the last half of school, so now I had nothing to kill the time.

Just as I was considering my options, the door knob turned and Mom stepped in, leaving it ajar. She was wringing her hands nervously, her eyes slightly watery.

"Hey sweetie, got a minute?"

I sat upright, propping myself against the wall as she took a seat in my desk chair. "Yeah…what's up?"

She raked a hand through her through her hair, smiling slightly, her smile not reaching her eyes. "Um, what would you say if…your Dad and I spent some time apart…?"

What?

"We believe it's best to give each other some space. I'll be staying at Grandma's for a bit..." I reached beneath my bed for my energy drink, popping the tab, and taking a sip. Whenever something bad happened, I either turned to sugar, cigs, or a guy. It was a knee jerk reaction now. Routine…

Mom reached over and patted my hand lightly, "You okay with this? You can stay with me if you like."

My own grin was artificial, just like her perceptions of me. "Um, maybe…yeah…"

Mom breathed a sigh of relief, her shoulders relaxing. "Great. My bag's packed; we just have to work out the living arrangements. I'm sure it's only temporary. Thank you for being so mature about this."

I nodded, hoping she'd take the hint and end the conversation. "I still love your Father; we just need some time alone. I'm heading over now; will you be joining us for dinner?"

My stomach lurched, "No thanks…I have some school work to finish up. I should be there soon."

Mom's face fell slightly, but she quickly recovered with a laugh although I knew it was forced. "Okay. See you tonight, or tomorrow if you get in late," she leaned over, embracing me before standing.

"Bye Mom...love you."

"Love you too," she echoed before shutting the door behind her.

I drew the can to my lips once more; chugging it and wishing I were knocking back vodka instead.

After losing a family member, families fell into one of two categories; they either grew closer or drew apart. The shred of innocent hope I had left was that my family would stay together…but now I don't know what to think. My parents might be splitting up. What does someone do in these situations?

People would probably turn to a friend in times like this…as for me…

I set the empty aluminum can down on my nightstand and picked up my phone instead. My hands dialed the number I knew by heart.

I was not staying here…not now.

XxX

"Hey Haru, thanks for letting me crash here," I managed a small smile as he showed me to my room.

"No problem," he turned his dark grey eyes toward me. "Want to talk about it?"

"I'm not good with that sort of thing. But thanks."

He nodded in understanding, setting my leather valise onto the floor. "I already ate but I might be able to pull something together for you."

I laughed as I flopped down onto the futon. "Honey, the last time you made instant ramen you almost burned the house down." He folded his arms across his chest in a huff, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

"I may not be a good cook but I'm good at other things."

I bit my lip, "Like what?"

He smirked at me playfully, "Use your imagination."

XxX

We decided to channel surf until we came across a halfway decent movie. It was a black and white Japanese film. You could see the strings and everything but at least it was kind of funny…

A bowl of mostly burnt popcorn – Haru's doing – was wedged between us, separate glasses of Dr Pepper resting on the chestnut coffee table.

I sat up, and scooted over; closer to him, "Did you fix things with Rin?"

His smile dropped, his eyes darkening, "No…she doesn't want me."

I reached for his hands, placing them on my waist. "Well I'm not sure if it's any consolation but…I do."

His eyes shifted to that chilling black as he pulled me against him. I tilted my head up so that I could look at him. **"Show me,"** Black Haru growled.

I smirked, wanting so badly to meet that challenge. "Only if you're gentle…"

His lips collided with my own roughly, his arms snaking around my waist.

Doing this never fixed any of my problems…but it distracted me from them long enough.

XxX

It was eleven. Black Haru faded and White Haru resumed dominance, blinking at me in confusion. We didn't hookup - much to my disdain - we only fooled around before he returned back to normal; well, dazed and confused rather.

"Kurumi…what are we doing?" His hand had been shoved under my shirt in the moment; his own lied discarded on the floor…somewhere.

He yanked his hand back as if I burned him and scrambled off of me. I straightened my blouse and sat up. "I thought I could solve both of our problems…weren't you enjoying it?" I despised how my voice cracked, how small I sounded...

His eyebrows furrowed in surprise and what I took for pity. I hated pity.

"Kurumi, you're not still doing that are you? I thought we agreed that you would stop."

Haru made me promise I would quit being promiscuous if not for my sake, for his. I did stop…for a while. But then I remembered how much life sucked and how empty it was. Before I knew it I was back to square one, relapsing and not caring to get better.

But I didn't say this. Instead I said, "What? It's just harmless fun. I don't force anyone to do anything." He sighed and sank down beside me, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"At least tell me why you do it. And don't say you're doing it just because you're bored…you didn't start this until after you and Yuki broke up." He was asking too many questions...none of them of which I was willing to answer.

I glowered at him, "What are you? My therapist?"

He craned his head to look at me, "No. But I care about you. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I already did," I snapped back. I wanted to scream. It was so annoying with everyone always assuming things about me. No one understood…they didn't get anything.

He gaped at me, "What do you mean?"

I picked up my bag, and started for the door, "I think I'll go…"

He reached out, latching onto my wrist, "Kurumi, wait-" I jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me right now…I…I need to be alone for a little bit. I'm fine," I slid my wrist out of his grip and raced down the hallway and out the front door before he could stop me.

XxX

I slumped down on the wooden park bench, setting my bag down between my feet. The cold had set in, snow falling gradually. My teeth chattered as I attempted to rub warmth back into my arms, staring up at the dark sky. I didn't know what I could do or where I could go at this time of night. Mom invited me to stay with her but I don't deserve it…I don't deserve anything good.

I draw my knees to my chest, resting my chin atop them and staring out into the darkness. I was alone…just how I'd always been…

The cold air could be felt through my coat and the chill ripped through my bones, the layers of clothing rendered useless. I closed my eyes, flakes of snow landing on the tips of my eyelashes as the wind rages. Sounds of sirens and cars fill my ears while I try to shut it out, to forget everything and lose myself in the darkness. I wished it would swallow me up and hide all my flaws, every last thing that was so wrong with me.

They were right about me...I was nothing but a whore. I don't blame Yuki for leaving.

I swiped at the wetness on my cheeks – assuming it was snow – instead wiping away tears I didn't know I cried. Why…was I crying? I brought all this upon myself. I was so pathetic…weak…

I sniffled, curling into myself wishing so badly that I could disappear. After what seems like hours passed, someone stops in front of me. I froze, hoping that it wasn't some kind of pedophile or rapist standing there. I couldn't bring myself to look though, I couldn't…

"Kurumi, what are you doing out here? A blizzard might be on the way." That voice…if I knew better I'd think it were Yuki talking to me. But that couldn't be…

Slowly I lifted my head, half wondering if I was hallucinating, and…it was him?

Even in the dead of night, I recognized the unique semblance. Yuki was trembling from the cold air; a grey and purple scarf had been draped around his neck, his hands covered in black gloves, donning a long black coat with grey buttons and snow boots, and his cheeks were flushed from the low temperatures.

"What…what are you doing out here?" I stuttered, my teeth relentlessly chattering.

He smiled softly, "I was covering my plants to protect them from the frost…would you like to go to Shigure's? It's late…" He extended his palm, his eyes promising that it was a genuine offer, his warm smile beckoning me to take it. Who tends a garden at this hour?

I eyed him warily, not really wanting to but having nowhere else to go…with a sigh I took his hand, my small hand covered by his own; he pulls me to my feet. He takes my bag in his other hand as we begin making our way to Shigure's.

XxX

Entering Shigure's was like stepping into a sauna in comparison to being out in the snow; we were swept under a veil of warmth and I couldn't help but wish it would melt the ice around my heart.

I hadn't realized how exhausted I was until now. My eye lids felt like lead, as I removed my docs and placed them by the door.

I was about ready to conk out on the couch when Haru rushed over, relief flooding his tense features. He pulled me into a crushing hug that I only allowed because of how warm he was.

"Kurumi, where were you?" He held me at arm's length, his eyes examining me to see if I were hurt.

"I was gonna go after you myself but decided to go to Shigure's. Hatori drove me so I wouldn't get lost. Yuki offered to look for you..."

What?

I glanced over my shoulder to see the flustered rat removing his coat.

"He told me he had to take care of the 'secret base.'"

Haru snorted, "That's what he said...?"

Yuki cleared his throat, "Maybe you should focus your energy on helping her get settled in _Haru_ ," he said with a pointed glare.

"But I don't live here...you do. I just wanted to see if she was okay. She ran away after we kissed...or at least, I think we did."

Yuki's eyes widened, openly gaping at me in shock.

"Kurumi, is this true?"

Before I had time to answer, Tohru bustled over and wrapped her scrawny arms around me.

"Oh I'm so glad you're alright! We were so worried! Oh, where are my manners? Would you like hot chocolate? Or tea? Maybe you don't want anything-"

"Hot chocolate would be fine," I interrupted as I shrugged out of my own coat, my eyes darting between an irritated Yuki and a bored looking Haru. "Do you have marshmallows?"

XxX

Akito sifts through a stack of Polaroid's; her lips lift as she examines the glossy photographs. A job well done, she can't help but laugh at how successful it had been…one showcased the car, rolled over and irreparably damaged. The next was of a battered and _murdered_ Makoto; his face no longer recognizable, bloodied.

Her calloused hand draws the photograph up, and kisses the photo; an undeserved victory...she'd fooled everyone into thinking some drunk buffoon had been behind it.

"Arranging that boy's death was my best idea yet…that girl needed to learn not to touch what belongs to me…"

* * *

 **This chapter wasn't my best but I believe the next will be better. Another crazy reveal will happen :D**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Hmm...I wonder :p Well, I think Kurumi might need to chill from that kind of thing. But, who knows?**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Good :D I love Kyo but it was fun to write that scene haha Puhlease, thank you for always reviewing :)**

 **SweetLiars: Yup! She's just struggling a lot right now and she's trying to make herself happy, just in the wrong ways. Nah, I loved that story ^.^ I actually like Yuki for her too :D**

 **See ya'll next time. Peace! :3**


	5. Chapter 5: Prove It

**Chapter Five: Prove It**

Narrator POV

The next morning Kurumi left before anyone would notice her absence; she begins trekking home to freshen up before school starts. She reaches for the chain around her neck and lifts it, the bronze house key dangling from the metallic beads. She pushes the door open; "I'm home," her voice bounces off the walls, shattering the silence.

Thinking nothing of it, she rushes upstairs to put her things away when the door to her parent's bedroom opens. Kurumi drops her bags in shock of a woman – that wasn't her Mother – stepping out and sealing the door behind her. The woman looked to have legs for days in the tight, glittery, mini dress she managed to squeeze into, her cleavage spilled over the top, a lacy black bra not doing much to cover it. Her hair was a wavy black, disheveled, the strands falling into her murky green eyes. She carried a pair of stilettos in one hand, a chunky bracelet strapped onto her incredibly chubby wrist as she tip-toed to "sneak" down the stairs.

Just as Kurumi is about to stop her, her Father pops his head out the door, his frightened eyes landing on the Peacock. He can't help but curse himself for not checking up on Kurumi's whereabouts before having company over.

XxX

Kurumi POV

Never in a million years did I think my Dad would be caught with another woman. He'd always seemed to be hopelessly smitten by Mom…but it made sense to me. I knew there wasn't good in the world…I knew it…not even own Father could keep his mitts to himself.

And who was the seductive temptress that lured him into her tramp trap? And how do I learn?

Wait, focus…what was I going to tell my Mom? Did she already know? Maybe that's why they were fighting…of all people, my Dad turned out to be a treacherous snake. I thought I would be reeling from the shock of it all. But in all honesty, I was just disgusted…what a deceitful pig…

XxX

Today we were supposed to be running for the annual physical test. Of course I was never one to follow the rules; like I was about to trip over my shoelaces and eat gravel…I don't think so.

I sat on the metallic bench behind an off white curtain, in the girl's locker room. I tugged at the offending t-shirts we were required to wear. But I had to say, the hideously red shorts were far worse.

It wasn't until the bell rang, fifth period letting out that I slipped out – wishing I was clever enough to not be noticed – and was ambushed by Tohru and her friends. The blonde scowled behind her clinical blue mask, she stood behind the Sunshine Queen, passing her lead pipe from one hand to the next. The other girl looked gloomy and had this air about her that sent chills up your spine; her sleek black hair was braided, her eyes a mystic purple staring into my very soul.

"Kurumi! You left before I could ask if you wanted breakfast.." Tohru clasped her hands together, her eyebrows drawn together in concern as if I would keel over any second.

The thug turned towards Tohru, lowering her weapon. "Tohru, is this a friend of yours?"

"Yes…I would love to be introduced to _any_ person involved in my little Tohru's life…it is our duty as her parents after all," the creepy girl's voice broke in, an oddly calming sound to it.

"Your…parents?" This whole conversation was weird, no matter how you looked at it.

Tohru beamed, "Well, they're protective of me. Hana and Uo are always looking out for me."

I raised in eyebrow in curiosity, "Oh? What about your actual parents? Where are they?"

Hana's eyes drifted closed, her head hanging in sorrow. Uo too looked solemn as she drew Tohru to her, placing a hand on her head as if really her Mom.

"Her Dad died when she was just a baby…pneumonia, I think it was? Her Mom – the red butterfly – was a total boss…it's still hard to think that she died last year," Uo supplied, bowing her head.

Tohru painted on a grin, "But I always keep a part of Mom with me…it's the closest thing to actually having her here…"

I wasn't used to seeing such a sullen Tohru – although she tried to act different – so I decided to change topics. To anything really.

"Hey, Tohru I wanted to know if you would be willing to help me with something?"

She cocked her head to the side, her blue eyes widening, betraying her interest.

"Anything!"

I blushed slightly at her eagerness. "Um…would you mind teaching me how to bake? Well, I need to know how to cook too…" I couldn't tell you why this idea came to mind first. Maybe because I hadn't eaten in hours; food on my mind. But I knew Tohru to be this domestic, homemaking chick. I merely assumed she knew. I didn't know how right I was.

She bounced on her heels, Arisa's hand dropping to her side, and Tohru clapped her hands in excitement.

"Absolutely! We can start today."

XxX

Before I had a chance to change my mind, Tohru dragged me along with her to Shigure's. Now here we were; girly pink aprons around our waists, unnecessary puffy chef hats – mine kept sliding off – non-stick cooking spray, a frying pan, spatula, whisk, small ceramic bowl, and a carton of eggs seated on the island.

Tohru clapped her hands, eyes narrowed in determination. "For the first cooking lesson, I thought it would be a good idea to start simple and work our way up. Today we're starting off with scrambled eggs."

Scrambled eggs…doesn't sound too difficult.

XxX

I climbed onto the counter top to shut off the blasted smoke alarm that had been going off for a grueling three minutes. Thin white smoke spilled into the room as Tohru attempted fanning it away with a nearby mocha colored oven mitt.

When the air was finally clear again, I slumped into the wooden bar stool and rubbed my temples, hoping it would ward off the headache. Tohru cast her pitying eyes on me, rinsing out the burnt eggs that once clung to the still smoking skillet.

"I know you shouldn't rinse out hot dishes since it warps them…but I don't think I have much choice…"

I sighed, folding my arms across my chest. "Face it Tohru…I'm hopeless. I _suck_ at cooking. I'm as bad as Haru _and_ Yuki combined."

Tohru shook her head frantically as if this would convince me otherwise. "Please don't be so hard on yourself. You did really well for a first try. The first time I made toast, Mom had to use a fire extinguisher."

I laughed despite myself at the thought it. Even I could make toast.

"How old were you…?"

Tohru fiddled with the strings of the atrocious apron. "Five…"

Well that explains it.

"But, you still did fine. We can try again if you like."

I unraveled the strings of my own apron and tossed it onto the counter. "I think I've had enough for today."

Tohru nodded in understanding, removing her chef hat. "If you don't mind my asking…what inspired you to learn?"

I stilled, not really knowing the answer myself. Maybe I wanted to get my mind off the vixen sneaking out of my parent's bedroom. I wanted something to keep my hands busy, and my thoughts muted…but I don't think that was it.

The rat's face flashed in my mind. The conversation we had in my room. How he called me out on my lifestyle and made it seem like I didn't think or do anything else.

Then it hit me; there was something I wanted to prove. I wanted to show the rat that I was capable of more than jumping someone's bones. I wanted to wipe that judgmental look of his face and teach him to look beneath the surface. I'd always thought he knew me better than how I was now...I thought he knew _me_. But I was wrong about that as I was when I thought he should be a Haru.

I surveyed the room, checking to see if the rat was home yet before spinning on my heel, facing Tohru.

"Let's try…one more time."

* * *

 **I hope you all liked! Also, thank you for the quick response on yesterday's chapter! ^_^**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: XD Girl, you ain't seen nothing yet lol I'm hoping it will turn out well :D**

 **SweetLiars: Why do I think of Pretty Little Liars when I see you pen name? I don't even watch that show...anymore :p Thank you! And you will soon find out :D**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: I might have to check it out :) And awesome!**

 **See you all for chapter six! Baiii :3**


	6. Chapter 6: Edge of Heaven

**Chapter Six: Edge of Heaven**

 _Dad took a step forward, I drew back. He approached me anyway until I hit a wall, backing me into a corner. He gripped my shoulders, his eyes penetrating me with his commanding gaze._

 _"Please Kurumi, if my being your Father meant anything to you…please do not tell your Mother. I'm on thin ice with her already."_

 _That was your fault._

 _"I will let you go as soon as you promise me that you will not breathe a word…promise?"_

 _His grasp tightened, pain shooting between my shoulder blades. I bobbed my head, wanting to get out of there. Wanting to leave…_

 _He released me, shoving his hands into his pockets and retreating to his room, the door shut tightly behind him._

 _Every moment he spent with Mom…the sixteen years they were together meant that little to him…he was so willing to just throw it all away for a one-night stand…heck, maybe it was a full out affair._

 _Either way, I couldn't trust him from that moment on…I didn't want to be in that house with him, I didn't want to share a roof with lying scum._

 _I repacked the leather valise – a different goal in mind – shoving my clothes, toothbrush, and everything I would need for staying with Mom and Grandma into the bag._

 _I wasn't staying here…not anymore._

XxX

"Come on Haru," I pouted, wrapping my arms around his waist. I had been trying to convince him to take me to the nearby tattoo parlor for the past ten minutes. He told me he was too lazy to want to go anywhere.

"Kurumi," he sighed, grabbing for my arms to remove them. I refused to budge.

"Please? I'll be your best friend," I looked up at him, giving him my best Shigure puppy dog eyes impression. He shook his head in amusement, "Really Kurumi…? Fine, I'll take you…I know a guy that can get you a discount."

I jumped and pecked him on the cheek, "Awesome! Thanks Haru, I owe you."

He turned to me teasingly, "I'll keep that in mind."

XxX

The tattoo parlor was bustling with activity; customers left and right becoming human pincushions…it was the place to be.

The whole place smelled of rubbing alcohol, cigs, and antiseptic. I could only imagine the horrors these people have seen.

Haru and I had to sneak around the back – being under eighteen – and were let in by an older friend of his. The man was bald…I kid you not; I could literally see my reflection in it. His arms were twice the size of my body, and he was dressed from head to toe in leather.

He folded his arms across his chest – the tattoo of a scorpion flexing – as he chuckled down at Haru. "Nice to see you brotha. You here for the hookup?"

Haru nodded his head in acknowledgement before shoving me in front of him. The burly man stared down at me, his bright green eyes ogling me. I stiffly waved at him, beginning to regret stepping foot into this joint.

"Well ain't that precious. She your girl? I'll give her a discount…"

I was about to correct him when Haru clapped a hand over my mouth. "Yup, she is. Kurumi's mine…so, about that discount?"

The man laughed, slapping Haru on the back. "You dog! Always getting the banging ladies. Okay little lady, what can I do for you today?"

"Um…" I wrung my hands – a habit I picked up from Mom – and refused to meet his eyes. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. I should leave…yup! Sounds good to me.

I was about to do just that when Haru latched onto my shoulder, yanking me back in place.

"She's getting an industrial," he grinned wickedly at me, pushing me into the nearby black leather chair.

"Yeah, about that-"

"Wonderful! Industrials are hot. Let me just sterilize my needle and we can get started."

That man was too cheerful about this…Mommy, I'm scared.

Haru stood at my left, the piercer took a seat on the stool to my right, prepping his needle. After placing a cotton ball on the lips of the rubbing alcohol bottle; he tipped it upside down and then back, the cotton drenched. He leaned over, grabbing ahold of my ear, and prepping it. He reached back for a marker and a clamp. Using the clamp he gripped the flesh of my cartilage, dotting the front and back with the purple marker, and setting it down.

Haru was looking on, a smirk tugging at his lips. He thought this was funny did he? We'll see about that!

"Haru…can I hold your hand?" I asked in my syrupy sweet voice.

He looked skeptical but offered his hand anyway. I grasped his hand, grinning menacingly, gradually tightening my hold on him.

"Ow! Kurumi, what the-"

"Ow!" I hissed as the needle pierced my ear, a metallic bar following.

Now I remember why I hate needles…

XxX

It was almost time for the house party I was going to. I rushed upstairs to get ready; 30 minutes…

I rummaged through my dresser for a bandeau the rich shade of a sapphire, shimmering with the glittery straps, and rested just below my navel. Reaching for obsidian toned skirt; I stepped into it only to have it slide down, hanging off my waist.

That was weird. I hadn't lost any weight…? Did I?!

I rushed into the bathroom – holding the skirt to keep it from falling – and approached the scale I'd come to hate. Tentatively I stepped up; numbers scrolling, the scale calculating my weight.

127…two weeks of purging…127…days of the burning sensation in my throat…127…I'd lost three pounds. Eating nothing but rice cakes and fat free crap… I barely lost anything…I hate this.

XxX

The great cream colored house was packed with people from school and a few students from the nearby University. A couple engaged in a heated makeout session on the kitchen counter, kegs of beer sat dead and center, a group huddled around the coffee table partaking in a drunken rendition of spin the bottle, and a twosome were passing a blunt back and forth. The room was barely lit; I could barely see three feet in front of me.

It wasn't too difficult to rope the others into going. I simply attacked Haru and Kyo's egos by calling them wusses, I told Yuki it could be a learning opportunity, and I asked Tohru to go with me to make me feel better. Yeah, the second attempt at scrambled eggs turned out worse than the first. Momiji tagged along because he had nothing better to do.

Tohru clung to my side, her eyes flitting about the room. Kyo shoved past us to search for some food, Haru left to get a red cup of his own, and Yuki watched Tohru. With how he looked you'd think she had a bomb strapped to her chest; counting down the minutes…As for the rabbit, I had no clue where he went.

Yuki leaned in close so that I could hear him over the blaring music. "Do you believe this is a suitable thing for Miss Honda?"

"Lighten up Yuki. It's fine. Tohru, if you're going to drink…make sure you eat some food beforehand. Being a lightweight the alcohol will hit you faster. Eating food helps."

Tohru gawked at me as if I were speaking English. What did the girl think when I told her we were going to a party? Did she think people would be playing pin the tail on the donkey and singing _Ring Around the Rosie_?

Just then I spotted the bunny. He was seated between two upperclassmen; both girls looked to be fawning over him. "How cute!" the first brunette squealed as she slung an arm over his shoulders. The inebriated friend's eyes were half-lidded, booze sloshing out of her red plastic cup as she took his cheeks in the palm of her hand. "What a cue boy you are…"

Out of nowhere Kyo marches over and snatches Momiji from their clutches, dragging him away.

"Kyo! I was talking to those two pretty girls. Wahhh! Kyoooo," the rabbit cried as Kyo agitatedly drew him further away, "Little brat, are you trying to transform?!"

I shrugged out of Tohru's hold and decided to join the crowd playing spin the bottle. An empty bottle of Fanta was being used for the game, a weird mix of hipsters and jocks surrounding the table. I plopped down beside a red head with big, black, wide frames; her hair twisted up in a sloppy bun, her beanie hanging crooked as she looked on through red eyes.

"Can I get a shot at it?" I asked the buff guy taking his turn. He glanced at me briefly before grabbing the rotating bottle, stilling it. "Actually, there's another game we can play…"

Yuki walked over taking a seat beside me, much to my surprise.

"You actually want to play?"

He eyed the group before facing me, "No…I merely wanted to observe. I'm curious to see what enjoyment people get out of such a...mundane activity."

I rolled my eyes, "If you think it's so lame, don't watch."

"Alright!" Muscle head interrupted, drawing the attention of the few sober people around the table. "Someone gave me the suggestion to play seven minutes in heaven."

The crowd whooped in agreement with the idea. I awkwardly shifted away from Yuki. I'm so glad he wasn't playing…

"I pick Kurumi and Yuki," Haru called out, flopping down next to the stoned chick on my other side.

I shot the bovine a glare, "That breaks the rules! It has to be random…besides, hate to burst your bubble but…he's not playing."

"I suppose it would be a better learning experience for me to participate," Yuki cut in with a shrug. "How do you play?"

Buff boy said, "I'll allow it…Kurumi and Yuki will go first. The hall closet is the first door down the hallway. You both go in there for a total of seven minutes, do what you want. No judgement…"

Haru smirked and I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from throttling him. Traitor…

Yuki pondered this, "Hmm, that doesn't seem too immoral."

Boy you don't know the half of it.

He got to his feet, offering a hand to pull me up. I reluctantly took his and he yanked me up, and I followed him to the closet. Haru was going to die…there's no getting out of it now.

XxX

Yuki closed the door behind him, and reached for the light switch. I swatted his hand away, telling him to leave it off.

"But how am I supposed to see you? Aren't we supposed to tell each other things for seven minutes…that's why there's not judgement?"

I sighed, resting my head against the adjacent wall. "No…we're supposed to makeout, have a quickie…whatever for the time. But we don't have to do anything…we can stand here in silence for all I care."

For a moment all that passed between us was silence. It seemed like we were in here for seven minutes by the time he finally spoke.

"I know the idea is to…" He coughed. " _Kiss_ …but I would like to talk."

It was too dark to see him; even though my eyes had adjusted to the dark at this point…the dark was comforting though. I felt like I could be honest, tell him what's been on my mind for so long…get things off my chest. I wouldn't see the disgusted look on his face.

I usually saw the dark as a bad thing, but in the light…I feel like I have to hide; it reveals everything you concealed…buried.

"Ok. I hated that you left me Yuki. You told me that you were protecting me, but I think that was bull. I think you were scared. I think you were scared of committing to me…you just saw Akito's threat as an out and jumped on it. Do you know how much that hurt me and tore me up inside?" My voice broke, and I breathed in, trying to regain my composure. I didn't want to be weak in front of him, even if he couldn't see me.

"I'd lost Makoto, but then…I gained you. You were a beacon to me, a lighthouse. My only hope when I was in a boat, alone, in waters I didn't know how to navigate through. I saw you as safety…comfort. And then you were ripped out beneath me like that. What else did I have? The only one that could make me smile and laugh as much as I did…the only one that made me happy…the only one that made my heart feel light, ignored me and left me alone. You helped me glue pieces back together after my brother died, but you shattered me before I was fully put back together."

I knew I was crying now, hating every minute of it…wishing so badly that I could stop. I finally said what I'd wanted to say. But I was scared. I didn't know how he'd respond, or if he actually would. Before I could tell him to forget I said anything, he spoke.

"I'm sorry Kurumi…I didn't know the pain I caused. I…I was a coward. But it wasn't because I was afraid to go steady, although that was part of it. The feelings I felt towards you frightened me. But I truly did want to protect you. I knew how you were suffering from what happened to Makoto, that's why I stepped away. I didn't want you to wind up locked away because of me when you'd already been through enough."

My heart fluttered slightly, the drumming sensation swelling as my eyes searched the dimly lit closet for him. I was such a sap, I wanted to see him now… He cared for me…

"But," he laughed bitterly. "I suppose you've already had your revenge…"

I peered in the direction of his voice, confused. "What do you mean?"

I felt the air whoosh as he stepped closer to me. I could feel the heat coming off him in waves…he was close. His close proximity was so tantalizing, I almost forgot about the underlying tension.

"I wanted to be your first. I wanted us to be _each other's_ firsts. But someone stole that from me. I can't help but feel envious of him. I'm selfish because I want you all to myself."

At first I didn't know what he was talking about. Then it clicked; he wanted to be the one I gave my virginity to, and he wanted me to be his. Yuki reached for my hands, pressing my palms against his own, interlacing our hands; his skin soft against my own, sending a rush of familiarity through me.

"I wanted us to stay together. I wanted to make love to you Kurumi…I wanted to be the one to feel that with you. I'd managed to remain distant for so long until that day in your room…when you kissed me, it reminded me of that desire…how much I wanted us to be that close."

I fought the stupid grin until I just couldn't help it…I'd always wanted to hear that…I wanted to hear that Yuki wanted me. I just didn't believe it was so.

He placed his hands on my hips, his breathing an ocean roaring in my ears as he pulled me against him, my hips connecting with his own. I brushed my lips over his; I _loved_ how his breath hitched at the sensation…I wanted to kiss him so much it hurt. Just as I was about to give into this, the door was flung open; the now slightly dim lighting flooding the room.

Haru stared at us, eyes wide. It wasn't long before that smug look reappeared as he smirked at us. "Guess my plan worked…you two are back together I assume?"

I begrudgingly slipped out of Yuki's arms and glared at the cow. "What do you want?"

His smirk dropped and he said, "We need to get back home. Shigure said it was important. Hatori's there too."

Yuki and I exchanged concerned glances. We both knew what that meant. Hatori wasn't there for a late night visit with the mutt...it meant he was there because of Akito. He was there because Akito summoned someone. But I couldn't help but think that _someone_ was me.

* * *

 **Ooh, Akito...? What could be in store for them? And to think, Yuki and Kurumi finally made up. What. A. Shame. :)**

 **I was curious to see if people would like to see the original version of this story. It's kind of cringe worthy, but...who knows?**

 **Yes, I thought up the title because of the Breathe Carolina song. Ain't the first time.**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Brah, I failed making scrambled eggs so many times...I think I should stick to baking lol I love shocking people. Isn't it obvious? XD**

 **Guest: Welcome :D Mwahaha! Thank You!**

 **SweetLiars: Wow haha And you have it right. But now you know, that was only half of it. Yuki doesn't like that she sleeps around for more than one reason :p Thank you! I kept it short because of the plans I had for this one :)**

 **See you all next time! Bai ^_^**


	7. Chapter 7: Guilty Party

**Chapter Seven: Guilty Party**

Our footsteps thud against the slowly blossoming ground; hearts racing as much as our thoughts. It was late. Akito couldn't wait until morning…the fear of what could be in store raged in my mind, nagging at me.

Shigure's was just up ahead; the lights streaming from the windows at the front entrance. I spot Hatori's hoopty, the car looking to be on its final leg…the car that symbolized any Sohma's impending doom. A bad omen on a clear night, no snow falling from the sky this time. But the atmosphere felt as dreadful as being a few feet away from the symbol of doom, which we now were.

I couldn't think of what it could be about. He couldn't know about Yuki. Heck, I didn't know what happened between Yuki and I. My memory slipped and blurred together, an abstract remembrance of our closeness…how I melted into his embrace...like how it used to be. But something changed between us…he took a wrecking ball to the wall I built. The wall I was so sure he'd never break through. Now I had to wonder, would all that be jeopardized after tonight? I didn't know.

We enter Shigure's, the wall clock chiming, welcoming the new hour. 1am. Looking around, no one seemed to be upset. Tohru, Momiji, Haru, Yuki, Kyo and I all huddled at the entrance, none of us wanting to know the end of the story. A book we wished was never opened.

Hatori is seated on the beige love seat; he sips from the cherry blossom tea cup, his one good eye boring into me as if invading my thoughts. He was still dressed in his flowy doctor's coat, a stethoscope hanging out of the front pocket. Shigure sat beside him; a tight lipped smile in place, his hands clasped together in his lap. I'd never seen the dog so…serious.

Hatori sets the red china down on the end table, rising to his feet. His sharp green eye is still watching me, a silent conversation passing between us. "Akito wishes to see Kurumi…and he wants her to go immediately."

I wring my hands, wishing so badly that the wood floor would suddenly become quicksand; pulling me down under…then I wouldn't have to do this…I wouldn't have to go.

Of all times I didn't have my liquid courage on hand. I was alone.

Yuki's eyes meet mine, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. I brush my hand against his, lingering as if tempted to grab my hand and run away. But he wasn't the type…he was Akito's pet, he couldn't stand in Akito's way. Hatori started for the door, expecting me to follow behind him. I take a few steps forward, my heart slamming in my chest, my stomach twisting in knots as I look back at them.

Haru and Yuki look as if I'll never see them again, tears shimmer in Tohru's eyes, Kyo doesn't look my way; Momiji and Shigure look somber as I place one foot in front of the other. I can't help but think, that something was going to change…something was going to shift my "relationship" with Yuki out of balance. What we had was already frail, could be easily shattered. I feel that tonight, it will collapse…for good.

XxX

The halls of the main house smell of death. Shadows were the only company Hatori and I shared as he escorted me to Akito's chambers. An unexpected rain shower darkens the skies further, rain pattering against the window, making the moment all the more eerie. Lanterns illuminate the hallways. What is this? The 1700's?

We both stop in front of the double doors; black and looming, the very top of it at least three feet taller than me. I stare at my reflection in the brass knobs, taking in my stricken expression, how the situation had worn away at me in such a short time.

 _Get a grip Kurumi. Don't let Akito know how afraid you are._

I took a deep breath, trying to release the tension from my shoulders. I plaster on an emotionless expression, the only outward sign of my anxiety being the haunted look in my eyes…something I couldn't hide.

Hatori reaches for the knob, covering my reflection, and the doors swing open.

I remember my times here…I remember how _she_ treated me. How she's despised me since I learned of her secret, something she never thought someone would figure out. Imagine her surprise when someone stupid uncovered her dark secret; someone like me…

Akito is seated in the middle of the room, her back turned towards me, her eyes searching the rainy skies. She dons a deep black kimono, her feet bare, tucked beneath her. Hatori closes the door behind me, a thud sounding throughout the room. It's deafening sound feeling final, as if I were never getting out of here.

"Have a seat _girl_ …"

I begrudgingly do as told, sitting on the other end of the room…as far away as possible. Akito doesn't look back at me; her eyes remain fixated on the water droplets. The way they dance against the glass is mesmerizing but not enough to distract me.

"Still fraternizing with my rat I see…"

I keep my head down, an irritation at letting her get to me burning in my stomach. If she tried anything, I could just air her dirty laundry. Tell the whole world she wears dresses more than pants behind closed doors…I could do it; she wouldn't be able to stop me…

She clucks her tongue, jarring me out of my scheming. Akito finally faces me, her lifeless black eyes intense and unwavering. A black rose is tucked behind her ear, her lips a soft shade of pink as she looks back at me.

"Now you leave me no choice…" she rose to her feet, picking up a stack of polaroids from her desk, and taking a seat inches away. She flicks her wrist, the photos spanning out like a Chinese fan...a deck of cards.

"I didn't say anything because I was protecting what's mine. But now I realize I was terribly mistaken. I should have told you the _day_ it happened."

Protect…? Protect who? What was she talking about?

She shuffles the stack, her eyes still trained on me, searching my face for any tell-tale expressions. "I wanted to protect Yuki. If word got out, he would be condemned to a prison. Do you know how rough they would be with him? My fragile art work, ruined and out of my reach…but I need to tell you the truth…the truth about your brother."

Surprise bleeds through my stoic façade and leaves me vulnerable. Akito never once mentioned Makoto; even though she appeared at the funeral. She was dressed from head to toe in white as if mocking me…mocking Makoto. I wondered if she spat on his grave when I wasn't looking, if she kicked his headstone, stomped on the burial grounds his body lay beneath…but I didn't want to know.

Akito smiles, getting the reaction she was hoping for. "Yuki called me in a panic that night. He told me _everything_. How he was walking late at night, back from his garden. He was crossing the street in the dead of night, thinking he was safe…believing no one was out driving that time of night."

I remain silent, the words seeping into my bones, a chill rippling through me as she continues. "At the last second, headlights shine on him. Makoto was adjusting the radio, not watching the road…he didn't see Yuki until the very last moment, just quick enough to dodge him. But-"

I shook my head, already knowing the rest of the story too well. It had been ingrained in my brain; the news anchor's voice echoing in my mind. The obituary I kept stuffed in one of my drawers, I could recite without looking.

"Anyway, my dear Yuki fled the scene, not daring to stick around for questioning. After all, he was the only witness that night. He was the only one around when your brother died. He watched…" Akito places a picture between us, a snapshot of the battered vintage car; Makoto cherished it more than anything he'd ever owned.

"…as his head bashed against the steering wheel, the tires skidding, the car rolling down a hill…stopping just before the lake. His car smashed against an oak tree, a branch poking through the window shield and…you know the rest."

Yuki? She actually expected me to believe Yuki did this? How stupid did she think I was? He wouldn't just kiss me like that and lie to me...he wasn't a liar.

"In case you don't believe me…" she places one final picture in front of me. Tears well in my eyes as I stare back at the familiar face. Fear in his eyes as he sits where I am, relaying the entire story to the woman a breath away; a picture the twisted head must have taken, wanting to capture the tormented look etched into his features...

Shattered...

* * *

 ***Sigh* I can't wait to see your reactions to this chapter xD**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: I know :D Haru is quite sneaky when he wants to be ;) You oughta be nervous Xp**

 **SweetLiars: That was my intention :) Her father is a bit...off. I felt slightly bad about this chapter after putting them back together...but it happens lol**

 **Autumn: Thank you for supporting! I hope you enjoyed :)**

 **Next chapter is going to be dark...I can't wait to capture the emotions Kurumi is feeling and what will happen with Kurumi and Yuki.**

 **See you all next chapter! Bai :3**


	8. Chapter 8: Dreading The Land Of Sobriety

**Chapter Eight: Dreading the Land Of Sobriety**

Everywhere I looked, I was surrounded by liars. My Father…Yuki…I even lied to myself. I told myself that I mattered ages ago, that I had a purpose for existing in this world. But I realize now, lying is contagious…and wanted no part of it. I wished I could have seen through the veil of fabrication sooner, that my eyes were opened and attentive enough. But I'm a fool…how could I have been so blind to their act; to Yuki's so-called means of consolation and my Father's idea of being a husband.

I'm walking in the midst of the rain; not knowing where I'll end up, the devouring despair made me not really care. I felt so many things toppling on me all at once, and all of those things terrified me. I felt pain… _betrayed_. Yuki approached me days after the accident. I remember his countenance, how he looked sympathetic and sorry for me. I remember leaning into him, taking comfort in his heartbeat as I always did…but the entire time I thought he was offering his solace to the grieving girl, he really had ulterior motives. Maybe he saw dating me as an opportunity to bury his guilt along with my brother. Maybe he thought it would throw off any suspicion. I wanted to believe it was some elaborate scheme of Akito's; that none of it was true…but the proof was gripped in my hand, the picture crinkling and crumbling in my palm.

As I trudge through the rain – my clothes clinging to me like a second skin – I consider what I should do with it; the evidence of Yuki's shame, the reflection of his remorse. Tears pour out of my eyes, blending with the rain drops as I duck under a building. I stand, just outside of it, taking refuge from the storm.

I laugh darkly as this thought crosses my mind. I can't shelter myself from the storm of emotions within me. I can't hide from it, escape it…I was stuck in an emotional chasm, torn between two warring feelings; sadness and fury.

Rage burned, and it rose…it grew into an inferno, beckoning to be satisfied. Everything is always taken from me! I can never have anything. Akito ripped the rug out from beneath me, leaving me to stumble over my own grief…to revert back to the hollow and aimless girl I'd been the day Makoto died…the time I died along with him.

I stick my hand into my pocket, my fingers wrapping around the BIC lighter. Its sleekness feels cool against my fingertips, a wave of shock rippling through me. I retrieve it, its midnight blue is shiny enough that I can see myself…the glassy kaleidoscopic color of my eyes, how they lacked of life.

I lift the picture, my eyes tracing his features…how they mirrored my own…I didn't want to see it. I didn't want it to remain.

I take my lighter to it, flicking the metallic gear so that it ignites. I draw it to the edge of the portrait, my heartbeat dull and lifeless. I burn it _needing_ to lessen my pain…craving relief of some kind.

The fire tears through the film. Yuki's expression dissolves in the flames; the picture slowly turning to ash. I step out from beneath the covering and drop it into the snow. Grey wisps spawn from the dying flame. The wind curls the smoky Polaroid, snuffing out its fire.

Destroyed…how I felt inside.

XxX

I consider going home, but I don't have one. I shared a roof with a man that posed as a Father, as someone who cared…but Grandma's was worse. The thought of dragging myself to that place, being interrogated by Mom…trying to respond to questions I didn't have the answers to, I couldn't handle that tonight.

I belonged nowhere.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, the ringtone that I felt was so imperative to block out. I shut my eyes tightly, the classical piece ravaging my mind…drowning out my thoughts.

I wait for it to stop ringing before I lift it out of its confines. I hold down the power button, knowing who called…knowing I couldn't speak to him. I couldn't trust myself; I wouldn't be able to hold back if I heard him, if I heard his voice.

I somehow wind up at the familiar gas station. The place I was at more than anywhere. It was open 24/7, I knew all the employees like the back of my hand. There was one – Jun – that always supplied me with smokes, drinks.

My heart stirs at the thought of it. The burning sensation of liquor, its lovely way of making you forget. You put up with the unpleasant taste for its amnesiac benefits. As the buzz sets in your thoughts begin to dull, and eventually silence…the more you drink, the more you forget. Something I needed; an antidote for how my heart ached.

I reach into the fridge, taking the 12 pack in my hand, and drop it onto the conveyer belt. Jun searches my rainbow eyes, seeing nothing but emptiness. He bags the pack of beer and tentatively passes it to me. I turn on my heel – ready to escape into the night – when his voice drifts over to me.

"Are you okay?"

I grip the bag – my knuckles turning white – as I place my free hand on the black handle, pushing the door open. I don't dare look back as I say, "No…but I will be."

The door swings behind me, shutting out the cold…leaving me to myself once more.

XxX

I park myself in front of the park bench; tearing at the bag.

I swipe at my mouth with the back of my hand; brown sticky droplets left behind. I found the more I wanted to forget about everything, the more memories resurfaced.

The first date…

 _Yuki and I are seated at a silver round table in a bookstore/café'. Two steaming Styrofoam cups of coffee sit next to one another, their vapor mingling together. It was one of the quiet days – a rarity for being one of the town's hotspots – Yuki and I were only two of the five people that were here._

 _A smile plays along my lips as I draw the cup to my lips, the dollop of whip cream sweet and frothy. Yuki too takes a sip. Setting the cup back down, I look back up at him only to notice the whipped cream on his chin. I cup my mouth as an attempt to stifle my laughter, and Yuki cocks his head in curiosity._

 _"_ _What's so funny?"_

 _I grab for a napkin and tilt his chin forward, dabbing it away. I lean back, crumbling the napkin, my once heavy heart lightening._

 _Yuki and I share a smile as we sip from our cappuchino's, listening to the f(x) song playing in the background; summer lover._

I didn't want to remember these moments…the ones that felt like a stab, salt in the wound.

Why do I find it so hard to believe...? Why does something about all of this seem so…wrong? Yuki felt genuine, straightforward. I can't see him as pretending things were hunky dory when we were together…it didn't add up to me.

As I lap up the remaining dregs, a thought dawns on me...what if he really wasn't involved?

Many questions quieted as I popped the tab of the next can, the less than desirable taste ignored.

But two remained.

Why was Yuki out that time of night? And how are there pictures?

The can slips from my hand, brown liquid swirling into the white blanket of snow, the bits of blooming grass drinking it in.

I lean against the bench, my head lolling to the side as the sun begins peeking through the clouds. I feel myself succumbing to an unconscious wonderland, away from here.

I can't stop myself from closing my eyes, giving into the darkness once more.

XxX

Yuki's leg bounces up and down from where he is seated. Tohru worried until she exhausted herself enough to fall asleep; Momiji was curled up in a quilt alongside her. Shigure retreated to his study, not wanting to stick around in such a dreary atmosphere.

"She's not answering…" Yuki's words tumbled out, a sharpness cutting through them.

Having enough, Haru grabs his coat and charges for the door.

"Haru, what-"

"I'm not gonna wait here for her to not show up. I can't even imagine the kind of bull Akito told her...I need to look for her."

"I should," Yuki corrects, rising to his feet.

Haru eyes him skeptically, not sure if it's a good idea for the rat to tag along.

"But Akito...that room-"

Yuki shook his head, wrapping his own coat around his shoulders. "She's worth the risk…I let her go once, I can't bring myself to make the same mistake."

 _I love her._

The three words he hadn't thought to describe his affections until that night; those three simple words that fit so perfectly. The revelation urges him forward. Afraid of Akito or not…here he comes.

XxX

Kureno slips into the room, sliding the door shut behind him. A new robe – lavender with tulips – is slung over his arm as he approaches the head of the family.

Akito extends her arms allowing Kureno access to untie it, the garment falling to the floor.

The loyal servant helps her dress, his eyes trained on the window.

"I take it your plan worked…?"

A haughty laugh bubbles out, a deep satisfaction spawning from the thought of it. Akito remarks, "What a stupid girl...fooling her was all too easy."

* * *

 **Hmm, I wonder what that means :p**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!**

 **SweetLiars: You'll have to see :) Thank You! I'm trying to get better with it ^.^**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Same. I can't stand Akito either. I hope I did, and thank you! :D**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Its awesome to hear that a female depiction works...for my first try :) And that is a good question. What _will_ happen next?**

 **See you all next chapter. Bai :3**


	9. Chapter 9: Care To Wet Your Whistle

**Chapter Nine: Care To Wet Your Whistle**

The moment I feel my body awakening, the dread of another day follows. Eyes still closed, I pull the covers up over my face as if I could somehow evade the daylight…maybe it would work. Maybe…

"Aw, why are you hiding your face? There's no need to be ashamed darling."

My senses heighten and my eyes snap open at the unfamiliar voice. I tear off a ratty wooly blanket I don't recognize and take in my surroundings. The room was incredibly small; practically a scaled shoe box. The room lacked in any personality; white walls, beige carpeting, the only furniture being an armchair and the bed I wound up in. My eyes land on the nameless man. His hair was thinning, hairline receding, the grey wife beater did nothing to conceal the beer belly poking beneath the hem, a pair of boxers with _Venom's_ face plastered on the ebony material. He not-so-inconspicuously scratched at his crotch – real class act – as he practically undressed me with his topaz eyes.

But that wasn't the end of my misery; a persistent throbbing began at my temples, my mouth felt cotton dry, a wave of dizziness hit me tenfold making everything swim.

I shut my eyes; not being able to take the overly illuminated room and it's mockingly alabaster walls.

What happened…? How did I end up here? I don't remember getting here. The last thing I _can_ recall is blacking out…in the middle of the park…in _public_.

"You know, I never thought getting some random chick to spread their legs would have been that great…but I regret _absolutely_ nothing." His cheerful statement felt like a weight dropping to the pit of my stomach. Of course he slept with me…why else would a middle aged man take a girl back with him? To serve her milk and cookies?

He spared me his name, taking careful steps towards me as if approaching a wild animal; which probably fit how I looked perfectly. I'm almost positive I resemble a rabid raccoon, thanks to the messy streaks from my mascara and eyeliner. He placed his hands on either side of me, his face a breath away from my own. "It was nice and everything but you should go…my wife will be back from her retreat any minute."

He drew back, ducking into his bathroom, leaving me to a much needed moment of solitude. My eyes flitted about in a panic, the cursed bright light practically burning my corneas. I glance down at my exposed nakedness, an alien feeling of shame prodding at me. I'd been so stupid! What was I thinking going to the park of all places? I was practically screaming, "Come and get me!"

I blink back tears of frustration as I try to think of what I could do, where I could go. I notice my phone resting on the blah carpet, triggering a weird sense of hope within me. _Yuki._ No…I couldn't turn to him anymore…oh, I can only imagine what he would say if he knew. _Old habits die hard don't they? Maybe if you didn't let just anyone get into your pants you could have a brighter future._

Okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. Yuki was a stiff but he wasn't _that_ judgmental. I could contact Haru; he would be upset that I broke our agreement once again…but this time it was out of my control. This time I didn't want this. What was my constant as everything else shifted and changed around me…the pleasure of sharing a bed with someone attractive, the bliss of a strong drink, the allure of a cigarette…it was gone. All I'd wanted was _some_ stability, something I could always rely on. I'd thought I could rely on my brother being around for a long time. I believed my parents would always stay together. Even the way Yuki put my mind at ease, his beautiful purple eyes reassuring and always the same. Now I had none of that; nothing that would hush my grim musings. All that remained was the part of me that wanted to self-destruct, to completely destroy me… I had nothing.

XxX

Yuki and Haru continued on their trek until they reached the grand, steel, black gates. Its insignia was etched in pure gold, the letter S shimmering in a brilliant and boasting silver. The sunlight bounced off of it, blinding any passerby that dared look it head on. Sneaking into the Main Estates in broad daylight wasn't ideal, but time had gotten away from them…now they didn't have much of a choice.

Yuki shivered slightly as he ran his fingertips along the crest; his features hardening in remembrance. How many times had he entered these gates? How many times had he seen Akito watching him from her window, her devilish eyes following his every move.

Haru placed a hand on his shoulder sending the rat to jump three feet. The faraway look in Yuki's eyes alarmed him...how he looked like he were being corrected by Akito in that little room...just the two of them... "You still want to go through with this?"

Yuki took several measured breaths before nodding, his hand dropping at his side.

"Let's go."

The two managed to weave in and out of the estates undetected. The hallways were littered with handmaids and servants but no one stopped them. There was a foreboding feeling that loomed, both wondering what they would do once they actually did get there.

"Not that I thought there would be fanfare or anything…but I figured sneaking in wouldn't be _this_ simple," Haru mumbled to a distracted Yuki beside him. The rat remained silent the rest of the way. He would nod his head in the right places, acting as if he were listening. But his thoughts were teetering back and forth between Kurumi's well-being and his own. If he gave himself over to Akito; to the fear that plagued him on the darkest of nights…what would happen to him?

The two zodiacs stop just short of the double doors; both wondering what could be awaiting them on the other side of it. Haru and Yuki exchange glances.

"We can wing it," Haru suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I think I should go in…alone." Yuki's voice trembled as he said this, but he echoed those words in confirmation for himself…he needed to.

Haru scoffed, crossing his arms. "There's no way I'll let you…"

Yuki swiveled towards him; an incriminating look of fear in his amethyst eyes. He wanted to plead with him, to make him understand why.

He didn't want Haru to see him in that state; he didn't want Haru to see him like that again.

Haru narrowed his eyes in frustration; his own a fraction from black. "Okay. But if he does something to you, so help me-"

Yuki's lips quirked in a grateful smile, his heart beating like a timpani as he reached for the brass knob. The doors swung open and he reluctantly stepped forward. The dim lighting set him on edge; its eeriness was so pressing that he felt his breath escape him. The doors shut, leaving him to his doom as he approached the center of the room.

Akito appeared; her ghostly complexion, haunting and commanding eyes, and authoritative stature forced him to recall this moment years ago…two years ago…in the suffocating atmosphere, it felt as if no time had passed. He was still that closed off and damaged person that he'd always been. He just got better at hiding it.

Akito smirks as she draws near Yuki. His terror seemed so deliciously intoxicating to Akito, she was drunk on it, needing more. "I knew you would come back…once you realized how much you missed me."

Yuki looks away, slipping into his cool façade. "Where is Kurumi?"

Akito stops in her tracks, wondering if she heard him correctly. " _Come again?"_

Yuki clasps his hands behind his back to hide their trembling. "I…" he swallowed thickly, wishing he weren't so afraid. Especially now.

"I'm looking for Kurumi. She-"

Yuki's head snapped to the side, his cheek stinging with a red handprint. Akito slapped him; her prized possession…her pet.

"Unbelievable! You still dare to utter that girl's name in my presence after all I've done for you?" Akito's nostrils flared, seething as each word left her lips. Yuki narrowed his eyes at the head, staring at her as long as he dared.

"I did it for you Yuki, do you not understand that?"

Yuki's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, his fear shifting to puzzlement as he tried to make sense of her cryptic statement. Akito sighed, folding her arms with indignation.

"I told her how _you_ were responsible for Makoto's accident…how you got in his way and did the unforgivable; lying and pretending to actually care for her. I must say, it was quite enjoyable to see her like that… _forsaken._ "

Yuki stumbled back in shock, the words hitting him like bricks. "What?" the question escaped him in breathy inquisition. Akito smiled smugly, retrieving her deck of cards – the Polaroids.

She beamed as she tossed her copy towards him; her favorite picture. Yuki held it in shaking hands, staring back at his own distant and haggard expression. A flame of recognition ignites in his rich purple eyes. He recalls when this was taken…he remembers…

 _Yuki was alone in his room. Nothing to console him, nothing to hold onto. The darkness that surrounded him was the same wrapped around his heart; choking whatever light was once spared. It is two years ago, before Shigure made a deal with Akito for him to stay with the mutt…before he knew anything good._

 _Yuki shivers, drawing his knees to his bare chest as he waits…the darkness he was used to, but he never grew accustomed to the hot touches of his master. He never got comfortable with the way Akito touched on him, groped him. He knew…he knew she was a female. For a while he'd had his suspicions. The way she looked longingly at him, how she couldn't keep her hands off of him…he knew._

 _The door opens; a futile feeling of relief stirs within him only to have it extinguished when seeing whom it was. Akito flicked the light switch and drew the door closed behind her, her eyes hungry for her Yuki…_

 _Akito's heart was as cold as his name. She always felt alive as she relentlessly and endlessly felt him up…again and again and again. She never tired of him…of his scent; it's tantalizing hold on her._

 _To remember this moment…the beautiful look of trauma that curved his features, how he looked so corpse-like and how her fragile china appeared so broken…she revels in his taste, of honey and something she cannot put a name to…_

 _Yuki's huddled up, his eyes boring into the wall behind her as she reaches for her camera. The taupe sleek camera gripped in her hands as she draws it up, up; the camera capturing the moment with the flash of its shutter. She would always have this, a memento…a souvenir. Something she could gaze upon, something she could decorate her wall with…to her, it was beautiful. Control and Power were so seductive she couldn't resist them…she couldn't stay away…_

"You showed her this…?" Yuki's voice dropped to a whisper as the picture wrinkled in his hand. He didn't know whether to feel mortified that she'd seen him so damaged, or if he should be furious Akito tricked Kurumi into thinking so lowly of him.

"Yuki?" The head's voice called out to him, a distant sound to him as his blood boiled, his eyes narrowed in deep frustration. His head snapped up as she called for him again; pushing back his fear, he willed himself to stand taller, and not shrink away.

"How could you?" Yuki asked; his voice clipped and his breaths jagged.

Akito glared at the rat. "I give you my love…I offer you a place with me, then let you loose…for this?! Remember who you are talking-"

Yuki spun on his heel, not wanting to hear anymore. He stormed to the double doors when Akito stepped in front of him, her unexpected speed catching him off guard.

"Do you really believe that I will allow this? That I would ever approve of what you two call a _relationship_? She's using you…little whore that she is. Once she lies with you, she'll be done with you. A passing fad, old news is all you will be to her. She will not care for you; she will get sick of you. And when that _girl_ does…do not think running back to me will make me forgive you. What mercy I had on you will be no more."

Yuki shakes his head, trying to shut out her words. He knew them to be lies…he knew Kurumi. Yuki knew that she was different whenever they were together; she shined brighter, smiled more, her laughter twinkled like bells; she was happy. He knew she had a reason for what she did, even though it grieved him. He loved her and could only hope that _she_ loved him…and that she would realize the truth.

Yuki inhaled, mustering up courage to reach for the knob, his back to Akito. No more words passing between them, he left without looking back.

XxX

I managed to make it back to my Grandma's in one piece...wonders never cease.

I didn't want to be here, but it was far better than shacking up with some sleaze.

My Grandma was incredibly ruthless in her opinions of me and my "unbecoming lifestyle". Her only redeeming qualities were her decorating and cooking skills. She was a culinary connoisseur and an interior designer back in the day. Grandma could honestly make leeks taste like manna from heaven. She could turn a shack into a five star hotel penthouse. How is it that so many old people can cook, knit, and crochet? Huh. To think, I thought all you got when you were old was grey hair and wrinkles.

I removed my shoes, placing them by the light brown floor mat. I'd always hated that thing, it felt like sandpaper.

The smell of tilapia hit me immediately. I'd always despised of the smell of fish. Mom tells me its because of her sushi cravings when she was pregnant with me. Well isn't that just the gift that keeps on giving...?

I climb the carpeted steps, trying to be as quiet as possible. Mom was no doubt back home from being with her tennis club friends. Being the wife of a lawyer somehow gave her street cred with the elite, rich, snobs. They all walked around with their fake noses held high, their lips puffy with botox injections, and their faces pulled back as an attempt to hide their wrinkles. The three always wore white, but were anything but saints. They spent their afternoons getting together and gossiping about people that still had their original faces. Because what a crime and a shame it is to not be so consumed with your looks.

Part of me could understand why Mom put up with them. Mom craved acceptance, a decent place in society. There was a time when we were barely getting by. We all lived here with Grandma and Grandpa - before they divorced - all of us cramming into this teeny little house. Every sky blue wall, every last bit of tan carpeting forever ingrained in my mind. Every last argument heard through the paper thin walls. Every last slammed door that made the house rattle. I remember it all.

As soon as I reach the guest bedroom I was staying in, I shut the door behind me, and collapse against it. So much had happened...I'd lost so much.

I missed Haru...Tohru...heck, I even missed Kyo. But who I wanted to be with more than anyone...who I thought of most was someone I couldn't have. Yuki. I feel like I would be disloyal to Makoto if I was with Yuki. The one that got in in his way. The one whom made the difference between him living and dying; my boyfriend...whatever he is now.

I couldn't deny the evidence. There was physical proof that it happened.

Knocking behind my head startles me out of my stupor and I spring to my feet.

"Kurumi? It's Mom...can I come in?"

I relaxed slightly at knowing it wasn't Grandma Judge-A-Lot, and unlocked the door. "Enter at your own risk," I deadpanned as I flopped onto the worn twin bed.

Mom took a seat beside me, keeping her eyes fixated on the dusty fishbowl that sat on the wooden bookshelf by the closet. The bowl was filled to the brim with change that Grandma accumulated over the years. Mom told me it was her swear jar. Judging by the number of quarters and dimes, I'd say Grandma must have cursed like a sailor.

As I look at Mom, for the first time I see how small she looks...how weary. There were dark circles around her oceanic eyes, her cheekbones looked sunken, and angular. She usually looked so vivacious and full of life. But right now, she looked to be one step from withering...withering like the vase of daises perched on my nightstand.

"Mom?" I whisper, too afraid to speak louder. Her head rests against mine. She sighs deeply as if calming her nerves.

"Yes Kurumi?"

I pick at my thumbnail; I'd been slowly chipping away at the black nail polish. "Did you know that Daddy was cheating? Is that why you left?"

Mom's shoulders hunch, as if she were finally through with living...defeated.

"Not at first. I had my suspicions. If a guy doesn't sleep with you yet acts that happy...they're getting it from somewhere." I could have done without _that_ information. It unnerved me greatly. How could he do this to her? If you're gonna be a pig and bang some chick, get out of the relationship first...

"I used to blame myself for it. I would tell myself, maybe if I dress sexier...maybe if I could get his attention. I could try cooking for him, buying him that flat screen he'd always wanted. But now I see, there's nothing I could have done. _He_ was the problem. Not me."

Her words of revelation sunk in, washing over me like a wave. _There was nothing I could have done. There was nothing I could have done to stop the accident._

"Now," she laughs, bitterness give her words edge. "I'm just like your Grandma...only I'm getting divorced sooner. New record for us..."

I flinched at this, knowing fully that it wasn't Mom's fault. She had no reason to blame herself or claim she was just like Grandma. She was kind and warm, not calculating and disapproving. I loved her so much. It hurt to hear her say these things...I wished there was something I could do for her.

"For a time I thought losing your Father was the worst thing that could happen. I thought if I didn't have him, I would be nothing...but, losing my son...your brother was the worst pain I've ever felt. I-" her voice broke, thick with tears.

"I wish he were here..."

I bowed my head, tears pooling in my own eyes. So did I. I wanted him here. So much.

"I think I know what Makoto would say to you." And to me...

"He would say...that you are a wonderful person, a beautiful woman...someone that has always provided for us and done the best she could. Someone that's stayed positive in the most bleak times. I think he would tell you how _proud_ he is. He would tell you how much he loves you and how amazing of a woman you are. I admire you a lot Mom...Dad doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve any of us."

Mom's eyes water as she smiles warmly at me, a twinge of contentment rising within me. I made her smile...I actually did something for her.

She wraps her arms around me, her chin resting atop my head. Her heartbeat is lulling and soothing, it's rhythm constant and wonderful. Even as she holds me. Even as I feel myself more at peace now than I have in days...I still can't help but think of another heartbeat...of another drum I once took comfort in.

I knew if Makoto were here, he'd give me an earful too...he'd tell me to give Yuki the benefit of the doubt. To give him a chance to explain.

In honor of Makoto...for the sake of hearing that comforting drumbeat once more...for my own peace of mind...I'll do it.

I'll talk to Yuki.

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoyed! I couldn't write as much as I wanted (Exams -_-) Buuut, I hope to update again soon! Fun fact: Ayame was originally going to convince her to talk to Yuki. But I felt this way was better so I scrapped it. Eh.**

 **Its kind of funny...I sprained my pinky before I could finish this xD I advise you to not pop your knuckles...ever.**

 **Also, I have some more ideas in mind for this story. If you guys feel like it is dragging on, let me know!**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Thank you for your kind words! I'm always anticipating what you have to say because I admire your writing so much :) I hope you enjoy your vacation and have an good memorial day! Can you really have a "good" memorial day?**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Your review made me laugh xD I'm glad you're so engrossed in this story :D (Especially since I wing it most of the time.) Isn't he always? :D I hope you have a good memorial day.**

 **SweetLiars: It's understandable. It was my intention to make you guys believe it was true :) But if you remember, in one of the earlier chapters Akito said he arranged Makoto's death ;) Lol Thank You! ^.^ I hope you have a good memorial day!**

 **See you all next chapter! Baiii :3**


	10. Chapter 10: Rumor Has It

**Chapter Ten: Rumor Has It**

I didn't know what to expect once Shigure's came into view. I thought maybe a search party would be standing in a circle, their heads bowed in sorrow. _She must have died._ They'd say. _I wish I'd gotten those five bucks she owed me_. Yeah well, there were no squad cars nor was there a search party. If I didn't know any better, I'd think today was just an ordinary day.

I managed to sneak in a shower before walking over here. I washed away the smell of beer – although it still lingered in my hair – I washed away the shame…the loss…when I stepped out, I felt different. Not monumentally. Just…different. Clean.

To be honest I had half a mind to just cut my losses and skip town, take the coward's way out. But by then I was already three feet away.

I was debating on knocking or barging in like I owned the place. Then I remembered I don't do knocking and pried the door open. The house looked pretty empty; no one seemed to be around. Maybe I should have let Yuki know I would be stopping by.

"Kurumi!" A shrill voice beckoned for my attention. Tohru rushed over and pulled me into her arms, her head landing right on my boob. If it were any other girl, she would be _short_ one head.

"We were all worried sick about you! Yuki and Haru went looking for you."

My heart slammed in my chest at her words. They were looking for me? Yuki...?

Just as I was thinking this over, the front door opened behind me once more. Yuki and Haru both looked exhausted; their blood shot eyes and dark circles that rivaled my Mother's.

As soon as Haru and I locked eyes, he charged at me like a bull, and lifted me off the ground. I'm 99 percent sure my spine cracked in the process.

"Kurumi, where have you been?" He tousled my hair before setting me back down, one arm still wrapped around my waist.

"I was talking to Akito…" Yuki's eyes met mine, the first time since everything happened. He looked relieved, happy, and something I didn't recognize. Haru glanced between the two of us before clearing his throat and saying, "Tohru, I think I should take a nap…can you point out the guest room for me?"

Before Tohru could answer, Haru looped his arm through Tohru's, and they were off.

Now all that remained was the rat and I. The turquoise romper I wore suddenly felt skimpy and revealing under his penetrating gaze. Yuki's mouth opened and closed. Opened…then closed.

I should have felt angry or even upset with him. But I felt…sheer _relief_ coursing my veins at being so close to him again…I missed seeing those purple eyes staring back into my own. I missed that familiar stiff disposition. I missed everything about him.

Before my mind had time to catch up, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed myself against him, breathing him in. He stiffened at the sudden contact, then relaxed and reciprocated; his arms snaking around my own frame.

A similar moment pours out of my subconscious and overtakes me.

 _The first time I met the rat of the family; one of the favored Junishi. Like Haru, I judged him by his zodiac and not his actual personality._

 _I was five at the time. I was visiting with Kagura; another shock, Kagura and I used to be the best of friends. My electric blue hair in pig tails, I wore a bright green dress, a bandage covered a scrape on my left knee, my feet bare._

 _Yuki had come from the direction of the Main Estates; he looked traumatized. His purple hair disheveled, his clothes hanging off of his incredibly scrawny form. I was skipping rope in the street with the boar when I noticed him._

 _At first I felt anger surge through me. I remember thinking, "What would he be sad about? He was treated like fine china, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, received the best of the best threads. What is he upset about? Akito offer him too much food? Did his expensive shoes have a scuff mark on them?"_

The irony of this moment was not lost on me. I judged Yuki like I always suspected he did to me.

 _Yuki collapsed in front of me, his hands and knees slamming into the gravel, his head bowed as if I were about to strike him. He was breathing like he just ran a marathon, his form slumping forward._

 _Some of the irritation subsided and concern took its place. "You okay?"_

 _He coughed and heaved. Before I knew what was happening, blood splattered onto the road at my feet. Terror seized me as I dropped the multicolored rope and commanded Kagura to call for her Mom. For once not arguing with me, the boar ran inside and I stooped down in front of Yuki._

 _Not knowing what to do, I acted purely on instinct and drew Yuki to me. His head rested on my lap, his breathing gradually slowing as I moved his bangs out of his eyes. He still sounded like he was wheezing as his eyelids were drooping._

 _I jostled him slightly, reminding him that he had to stay awake. I'd seen enough movies to know that you never let the dying person…die. At least I assumed he was._

 _After what seemed like hours, Kagura's Mom barreled out of the house. A black handset was tucked between her ear and shoulder as she approached the crime scene. I'd never seen the boar look more petrified than she had that day. She vowed I never speak of it again…not that I listened._

 _Kagura's Mom clicked the phone off; with a beep, the call ended. "I just got off the phone." No crap. "An ambulance is on its way."_

 _I remember watching Yuki get carted off to the hospital. The red and blue lights could still be seen as the bright white truck sped off and into the distance. I wanted to know what happened to him. I wanted to know why I would feel sorry for the rat…but my questions didn't get answered until hours later when my parent's received the phone call._

 _Makoto was setting the table for Mom's world famous Gyoza and Ramen. Her dumplings usually made me feel better. They always made me wonder why she didn't take up cooking rather than teaching; but this time, it kind of fell flat for me._

 _Don't get me wrong, they tasted heavenly. But I was distracted. My mind was on the rat of all people; whether he was even still alive at this point._

 _Thankfully, when my Mom answered the phone, she was the bearer of mostly good news. Yuki was expected to make a full recovery, but he had internal bleeding that needed to be drained. He was going to be staying in the hospital for a recovery period._

 _I felt torn between two emotions; bitterness and relief. The rat lives on._

"Kurumi," Yuki's velvety voice startled me out of the memory, reminding me that I was here now…with him. I was once again battling those same emotions, bitterness and relief. Like the overcast sky, I couldn't decide which I wanted to be.

"I know what Akito told you," his voice rumbled in his chest, just like that night on the beach. I leaned into him, not wanting him to see my expression.

"He lied Kurumi…I wasn't there the night of the accident."

At this I drew back, his words a slap to the face. "I know that I should let you explain and everything…but there are pictures Yuki. Do you seriously think Akito could falsify that?" Well, there was such a thing as Photoshop…welcome to the 21st century Kurumi, we've been expecting you.

He sighed, his hands moving to my hips. "Akito took that picture of me after…one of my visits. I've only met your brother three times. Each of those instances, you were present. I didn't know he… _passed_ until a day or two after. I would never lie to you. How could you doubt me?" Guilt sent my mind spiraling, trying to come up with a reason. Why did I so easily believe Akito's mess? Of course Yuki wouldn't do something like that…the way he treated me, there's no way.

I guess I just needed to hear it. I needed to hear it directly from Yuki, rather than it being my own wishful thinking.

It was as if tension leaked out of me, his words…liberating and relieving. Freeing.

I was going to get Akito for this...its only a matter of time.

I tilted my head so that I could look at him, his tired eyes staring back at mine.

"We can talk more about this later. Right now, we should get some rest."

His eyebrows drew together in confusion as I took him by the hand and dragged him along. I'd only been in his room a few times, most of the time we were in mine.

His room suited him perfectly. Two floor to ceiling book shelves took were divided by his work desk, his room was spotless. Even the bed had hospital corners.

I directed Yuki to lay down as I shut the door behind us. He peered at me, probably wondering if I'd snapped somewhere along the way. But he did as asked, lying his head on the silky lavender pillow, stretching his legs out in front of him. I removed his shoes in apology before tossing them over my shoulder. I may have been sorry, but I didn't care to be neat.

I climbed onto the bed and curled up beside him. He tensed alongside me as I snuggled up to him. My head rested against his chest, his heartbeat ringing loud and clear in my ears. I could tell he was nervous…I loved it. Was that bad?

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I felt his familiar arms around my waist, right where they belonged. It was like coming home… _this_ was home. Not my parent's, not my Grandma's…no. Yuki was home. He was mine.

I melted into his embrace, reveling in his heartbeat;serving as a lullaby while we both succumbed to sleep.

XxX

Usually when someone's caught in a compromising position, it's hilarious. But in this moment...it just sucked.

I only intended to doze off for a little while. But, Yuki and I wound up sleeping through the rest of the afternoon and dinner. I blame the rat for that. Is it my fault he's so warm?

Anyway, the next morning we were caught.

"GAH! Get a room!"

I wanted to bash my head against a wall at the cat's statement. He's such an idiot.

Yuki rolled over in his sleep; because of our position, I ended up rolling along with him. If I get a crook in my neck, I was going to kill Kyo.

"Get out," I gritted out, my neck already beginning to cramp. "If you wake Yuki up…I will end you." Sure I wanted Yuki to rest, but that's not what I was concerned about. I really liked Yuki. But when he first wakes up…you betta hide yo kids and hide yo wife.

…

Kyo folded his arms across his chest, not moving an inch. "Now that you've done most of the guys at school, are you getting to us now? Do me a favor and leave me out of it."

That's it.

I grabbed Yuki's alarm clock from where it sat on the nightstand and aimed it at Kyo's head. He managed to close the door and escape in time. Moron.

XxX

It was almost time for the first class, so I had to stop by my locker for my Japanese History textbook. But this time was different. This time I had Yuki on my right, Tohru on my left, Haru, Momiji, and Kyo all trailing behind us. I decided to let them in…I decided to not be alone. And I wasn't.

Halfway there, Yuki's hand brushed mine. I hadn't been in a relationship for so long I honestly didn't know whether to take it or not. He made the decision for me, interlacing our fingers, pressing his palm against my own. I was the girlfriend in this relationship, and yet…his hands were softer than mine.

At first I didn't notice the whispering and the looks our way. But the whispers grew louder and louder. They were talking about us, for what…I didn't know and I didn't really care.

XxX

"Alright girls…what are the rules again?" Motoko directed at the other Yuki fanclub members.

"Rule one; do not steal Prince Yuki's private property!" Mai chimed in.

"Rule two; do not enter Sohma-kun's house," Rika added.

"Rule three; while talking to the Prince, you must be accompanied by at least two other members," supplied Mio.

"Hey boss, did you hear the news?" Vice-president Minami whispered to Motoko.

Motoko sighed and continued primping in the bathroom mirror. "No. Unless it pertains to Yuki-kun, I couldn't care less."

Minami shifted from foot to foot, her gaze dropping to the floor. "It does…apparently Kurumi Fujioka and Sohma-kun are back together."

The room erupted in collective gasps, the calm atmosphere shifting to a darker one. Motoko gripped her mascara wand in a tight fist, the grooves of it digging into her hand. "What?"

"They were seen holding hands this morning…I think someone saw them kiss too."

Motoko tossed the mascara tube and wand onto the bathroom sink and folded her arms in a huff. _He's dating the queen of whoredom…didn't he learn anything?_

"Well girls, you know what this means…as the official Yuki fanclub, it is our duty to put an end to this. And I know _just_ how to do it," Motoko smiled menacingly, ready to set things in motion.

* * *

 **I know its shorter and more anti-climatic than I would have liked :'(**

 **But...mwahaha!**

 **There shall be a camping trip coming up AND I already planned what Yuki's fanclub is going to do. I will be done with Exams on Wednesday so that means I should update around Thursday or Friday. But no promises.**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: I did take a look :) And I'm working on our collab still! I will send the rest of my portion soon :D**

 **IntangibleGlory: Yup, Akito is pretty irritating (that's an understatement) lol Ursula? Haha I never expected to hear one of my stories compared to The Little Mermaid xD**

 **SweetLiars: Wow :O I'm glad you like my character so much :D She takes after me a little :P Awesome!**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: I know. I broke my right pinky in third grade, then sprained my left one last week xD I gotchu girl haha I'm looking forward to seeing Kurumi and your lovely character paired up :) Thank you!**

 **See ya'll next chapter! Bai :3**


	11. Chapter 11: A Camping We Will Go

**Chapter Eleven: A Camping We Will Go**

The next morning, I trudged into Grandma's kitchen, hoping for something decent to eat. Being the chef that she was, her pantry was always stocked with a crap-ton of fancy schmancy grub; this time was no different. The shelves were lined with the finest ingredients to make expensive cuisine; Saffron, Vanillin, Yubari…the whole nine yards.

But knowing Grandma, I'm sure she had some rat poison in there somewhere. She always kept some nasty concoction on reserve in case an unwanted visitor dropped by. For all I know, she's used it on me.

I finally decided to settle on toast and honey; something sweet for this bitter morning. With an exasperated sigh, I rummaged through the excessive amount of ingredients until I snagged the bear shaped bottle. The bear had a grin on its face, its beady black eyes looked to have been staring into my soul…just what I wanted to see first thing in the morning.

Just as I was about to pop two slices of bread into the steel toaster, a manila folder lying on the island caught my eye. Being the hopelessly nosy person that I was, I walked over to get a closer look.

 _Sonata & Co_

That was my Father's law firm…

Not even hesitating, I tore open the package, and retrieved the stack of still-printer-warm papers. Just by skimming the pages, I knew them to be the divorce papers.

Apparently Mom had full custody of me, he kept the house, she got the car…the pages and pages of documents stated that my Father didn't want me…but he wanted our house.

I laughed bitterly at this. Of course he wanted his little love shack…how else would he be able to have sex with my Mom's co-workers?

I can still remember the times when he seemed to care so much about her…about us. Mom, Makoto, and I were his world; he acted like we were the best things in his…

I had hope of love when I saw Mom and Father together. Sure, it made me want to hurl sometimes…but it was beautiful.

The way he looked at her, complimented her, provided for her…

There was one instance when he was preparing for their 10th anniversary. He asked me to go with him to the bakery, and for Makoto to go out and pick up his gift for her; her then newly engraved wedding band in a bottle. He proposed to and married her on the beach they first met…so it seemed romantic and sentimental.

 _We both stepped into Namagashi; a pastel pink bakery, with sweet elderly employees, and serene music floating from the speakers. This was the place most people went to forget their troubles, and satisfy their sweet tooth. Father and I were Namagashi's best customers. We could tell you the daily specials, ways to get half off, and could rattle off the entire menu in our sleep. It was our place._

 _My ten year old self bounced over to the pastry display, pressing my nose to the glass. There was a great array of cakes as far as the eye could see; Bundt, Double Decker, Red Velvet, Cheese, Rum, Angel Food…you name it, it was there._

 _"Daddy," I giggled, my breath causing the glass to fog up. "We should get that one…it's pretty. I think Mama will like it…" he placed a hand on my shoulder, and knelt down to see what I was talking about. I so greatly remember having my heart set on it. It was a frog cake. I didn't know much about them, but I knew I wanted one. It was unique and quirky; it reminded me of Mom and Makoto. I was so excited for both of them to eat it that I just had to make sure we walked out with it._

 _"Please?" I face him, jutting my lip out, and clasping my hands together. I was going to get it even if I had to throw one of my trademarked, ear-piercing tantrums._

 _He chuckled, grabbing my sides, and hoisting me into the air. "Of course we can Rumi-Roo." He set me down before getting his wallet out of his back pocket. "We'll take it."_

But none of that mattered now. That was a lifetime away. That moment might as well have happened in a parallel universe…because it wouldn't be happening again.

XxX

I made a spur of the moment decision to eat with the Sohmas. I had before, but I had a lot of things I still needed to sort out. I wanted a moment to myself, but Tohru spotted me before I had a chance to break for it.

I sat cross-legged on the grass in between Yuki and Tohru. Haru was lazily lying out on the grass, his lunch tray sitting on his chest, rising and falling with his breathing. Momiji was gnawing on a pina colada lollipop while Kyo was fiddling with his black and white beads.

Things were going well until…

"I am so sorry Kurumi," someone said, their voice dripping with sarcasm. I could recognize that voice from anywhere. It was the same one I heard outside the bathroom stall not too long ago.

 _"Yuki so wants me," the nasally voice sounded from directly outside my stall. "He has dated someone…but she is such a skank."_

We all turned to see the vice-president of Yuki's fan club and the other members standing there. They all stood in formation; the vice-president front and center with two broads at her side.

I rolled my eyes, deciding to humor them. "No I'm sorry…sorry that you're talking to me. What do you want?"

Minami beamed, placing her hands on her hips. "Oh you didn't hear? Everyone's talking about how you coaxed Yuki into sleeping with you for money."

What?

"But that's not the worst part of it. What's really got the school buzzing is that _smoking_ pic you sent to Yoshi…I didn't know you were into nude modeling."

My fists clenched, anger stirring within me. "See," Minami leaned forward, turning her phone outward so that we could all see the screen.

I immediately recognized it. It was taken sometime before Thanksgiving week. I was about to go to France to visit my Father's side of the family when it happened.

Yoshi – my friend with benefits – and I were texting back and forth. He suggested we get together before I head out. He laid it on thick saying he'd miss me and all that garbage.

I told him that I couldn't because my parents had me on lockdown for bombing my chemistry test. So he came up with one of his bright ideas.

 _Show me yours n I'll show u mine_. He said. _Give me something 2 hold onto while u r away._

I smirked at this. _More like something to jack off to._

But honestly, he didn't have to tell me twice. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. We'd both seen each other naked on countless occasions…who would care?

But now that moment came back to haunt me…now that very picture had been sent out and forwarded to the entire student body…

Minami shoved her phone into her knockoff purse and zipped it up; a conniving grin in place. "Oh and one more thing…I'm truly sorry about your _Daddy_. I heard how he slept with one of the teachers…I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Just as she and her clan of brats were about to escape, I slammed my fist into Minami's cheek, knocking her to the ground.

My knuckles ached from how hard I punched her; the impact not even beginning to curb the anger welling up inside me.

Apparently it was the punch heard around the world; everyone fell silent.

Minami clutched her cheek, her eyes watering. She looked pretty hysterical to me. "Ow! Sohma-kun, did you see what she did to me?" Yeah, it was a good hit too.

Minami scrambled to her feet, still holding her red cheek. "Would you mind escorting me to the nurse? I feel lightheaded."

Oh no she didn't! First she starts crap, now she's trying to move in on my man?

I don't think so.

Just as I was about to give her a black eye to match, Haru and Yuki both grabbed one of my hands, and pulled me along with them.

Both not being able to see; Minami stuck her tongue out at me, then sashayed off with her cronies in tow.

XxX

"Kurumi, you were already at risk of suspension last year. Are you trying to reach expulsion?" Yuki hissed; his eyebrows furrowed in irritation.

I didn't get why he was upset with me. Was he not there when they were spouting that trash?

Yuki and Haru forced me into the hallway nearby the music room; it was practically a ghost town around lunch time.

Haru pushed off the wall he'd been leaning against, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'm gonna stop by the vending machine. You guys want something?"

Yuki's eyes slid shut in aggravation, a vein popping on his forehead. "No…"

Haru held up a hand in salutation before walking off, his gaze fixated on the ceiling. Did he ever look where he was going?

Yuki grabbed at his tie, loosening the chokehold it had around his neck. I fiddled with my hands, not knowing what to say to fill the pressing silence, and afraid to try.

Yuki approached me with a sigh, his angry expression shifting to an annoyed one. He placed his hands on either side of me, boxing me in. "Kurumi…I know it wasn't fair that they said that to you. I promise that I will get to the bottom of it…"

"Why didn't you defend me back there?" I folded my arms across my chest, beginning to feel irritated myself. "Why didn't you tell them off?"

He leaned in, pressing his forehead against mine, his amethysts drinking in my rainbow eyes. "You and I both know some of it wasn't true…besides, I didn't have a chance to try…you defended yourself before I could even give a clever retort." I smiled softly at his playful tone. It always gave me great satisfaction that I'd been the only one to see his light and playful side…

"That's true. Ugh, this just sucks. And, I'm sorry you had to see that picture of me…I kind of feel ashamed about it. That's not normal for me…" Yuki's smile faltered slightly, as he pulled me against him, his arms circling my waist. "You know that I don't think differently of you right? You know that I…nothing has changed."

My heart thudded against his, his words sending me reeling with a newfound hope. Even after today, he still wanted to be with me?

He moved his lips to my ear, his voice amplified as he said, "Spring Break is coming up…with all that's happened recently, I think I might have a solution for it. Well, at the very least, a way to escape it for a little while. Would you be interested?" I shivered slightly at the way his breath tickled my ear.

I made him face me, tilting his chin towards me. I couldn't help but smile as I drew close to him. "Did you even have to ask?" I whispered against his lips.

XxX

"Everyone hurry along! The sooner we get to the campsite, the sooner we can engage in festivities!" Ayame hollered, wiggling his fingers at us in greeting. It was too early in the morning to deal with the flamboyant snake, but I could only hope the trip would be worth it. What I didn't get is why we had to get up before the sun rose. I just tossed some clothes into my teal duffel last night then threw on whatever wasn't dirty this morning; a simple white V-neck, light blue shorts with a frayed hem, and I tied a red flannel shirt around my waist. That's as good as it was gonna get.

Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, Haru, Momiji, Shigure, Ayame, Hatori and I were all boarding a bus to a campsite where we would be spending Spring Break. It was Yuki's idea to invite me along so Tohru wouldn't be the only girl, and so I could get away from the drama. I could have kissed him for that…actually, I did.

But then, I thought of Mom and the divorce papers. I didn't want to leave her alone with Grandma for a week when she was dealing with all of that. No one deserves to be left alone with that woman for more than a few hours. But she forced me to go. "Go have fun," she said. "I'll be fine." We worked out a compromise where she would at least stop by the nearby spa for a few days or I wouldn't go.

So now I sat on one of the worn, blue, vinyl seats of the bus, waiting to head out. I leaned my head back, and rested my knees against the seat in front of me, my eyes drifting closed.

I was trying to find other methods of coping outside of cigarettes, sex, and alcohol. I couldn't quit any of those things cold turkey, so I had a pack of Marlboros stowed away in my duffel pocket.

I wanted to be better…I wanted Yuki to see me as a better person, not like the hot mess I'd been for the past year. So I was trying, for him.

A few moments later, someone sank down into the seat beside me, their jasmine scented lotion filling my nose. I peered out of one eye to see a bright eyed Tohru sitting next to me; holding two knitting needles, and a bright yellow ball of yarn sat in her lap. Was she seriously….knitting?

"Tohru…" I started; my voice thick with drowsiness. "What are you doing?" I watched as her hands moved carefully. She drew a strand of yarn around one needle, and looped the yarn over the other. "Knit one, pearl two," I heard her murmur along with the clicks and clacks of her needles. She honestly acted more like a Grandma than my _actual_ Grandma.

Tohru cast her bright blues on me, her eyes shimmering with excitement. "I'm making a bunny hat for Momiji. Do you think he'll like it?"

Once again, I felt my hard heart softening just as it always did when I was nearby Tohru. "Of course he will," I smiled softly, tucking an earbud into my ear, searching my phone for something loud enough to startle me awake.

Just before we started moving, Yuki climbed on board, his eyes searching the bus for me. Our eyes met, and he smiled at me, beginning to head my way. Once he reached our row, he noticed Tohru sitting there for the first time, and his smile dropped. Was he…bothered that he couldn't sit by me? Aw, that was actually kind of cute.

"Yuki," Haru called from the seats behind us, patting the vinyl beside him. Yuki looked my direction once more before joining Haru.

And, we were off.

XxX

After three long hours of sitting behind an energetic bunny and a prissy cat, leg cramps, migraines, and nicotine cravings…we finally arrived at the campgrounds where I could stretch out my legs. But more importantly, get away from Momiji and Kyo. On the bright side, Hiro wasn't here.

I set foot onto the dark brown dirt, still wet from last night's rain. It was only mid-March when rain returned to Japan after a long string of blizzards and snowstorms. I inhaled the smell of the crisp air, much awaited peace settling over me as I surveyed the area. A Siberian Thrush sat perched on a nearby rock. It was a bird usually seen in winter, but I wouldn't be the one to tell it that.

Haru came up behind me, lugging my duffel bag and Tohru's onto his shoulder with a grunt. I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh.

His eyebrows shot up in puzzlement, "What?"

I knelt down to lace up my brown hiking boots, trying to recompose myself. "Nothing…you just look like a bull." He rolled his eyes in amusement before setting our bags down by the fire pit. Shigure took both of Ayame's hands in his, a smirk tugging at his lips. "Here we are, just as I promised you Aya; a romantic getaway, just for the two of us."

Ayame placed the back of his hand to his forehead, his lime green eyes cast to the sky, "Oh Gure', you spoil me."

The two turned towards us, both flashing peace signs. "OK!"

Kyo knocked both of them upside the head, grumbling under his breath. "Dog and Snake ought to be on the dinner menu for tonight."

Shigure ran a hand through his hair, fake tears welling in his eyes. "That hurt…oh Aya, please help make it better."

I couldn't stomach anymore of this. "Enough already! Some people haven't eaten breakfast yet…"

XxX

We had a total of three tents, pitched and ready to go. It wasn't easy though. Kyo managed to smash his fingers with the mallet…twice. Momiji kept bouncing around and bumping into people, making it take way longer than it should have, and Kyo and Yuki's fighting just gave everyone a headache. The trip wasn't off to that great of a start. But, it was lunchtime and Yuki and I were breaking off from the rest of the group to go for a walk.

I tied my hair back into a ponytail, securing it with the elastic band around my wrist, and once again tightened my shoes.

Yuki held out his hand, a smile ghosting his lips. "Are you ready Kurumi?"

"Hold on," I sifted through my duffel until I found what I was looking for. Ah, here it is. I retrieved the black and electric green aluminum can before taking his hand. He glanced down at my beverage of choice, his eyebrow quirked in amusement. "What…? You didn't seriously expect me to _not_ have an energy drink did you?"

He chuckled at this; we began our walk, our steps in sync with one another. I felt warmth spread from my head to my toes, basking in our shared gaiety. It wasn't often I was able to let myself relax and just enjoy the moment. But right here, and now, miles away from my problems…I feel tranquil and at peace for once in so long. A part of me was afraid, wanted to put the walls back up. I felt this was only temporary. Being here with Yuki in a forest alone, I was hooked on it, and that terrified me. Everything I grew accustomed to was snatched out from beneath me, leaving me on unsteady and unsure ground. So, I can't help but wonder if I should let my guard down again…

"Kurumi," his calm voice stunned me temporary, sending me back to reality. He stopped walking a few moments ago; I was several paces ahead of him. I spun on my heel towards him. "Why'd you stop?"

He pointed towards a nearby waterfall; the sun's light making the water shimmer, a rainbow dancing along the gushing, white, torrent of water. I felt my mouth drop at the sight of it, the roaring sound unfamiliar and new, exciting and different.

I joined Yuki in front of it, just staring at the rushing water for the longest time in wonder. There was something mesmerizing about watching it, the sound and appearance entrancing and constant…steady and stable.

About another half hour into our walk, just enjoying each other's company, and catching up; a group of dark storm clouds gathered in the sky. And _that's_ when the drizzling began.

I quickly untied the flannel around my waist, and raised it above our heads, the cloth acting as umbrella for the two of us. Yuki reached for it, taking it into his own hands, and hoisting it up. "I think it would be best for the taller person to hold it," he said teasingly, one hand drawing me to himself as we trudged through the increasing downpour.

It wasn't long before the sky rumbled with thunder, a bolt of lightning striking the ground not far from here. Well, that scared the crap out of both of us, and we high-tailed it to a nearby cave.

The cavern was dark – go figure – the walls damp, stalactites hanging from the ceiling, water dripping from them and splattering onto the ground in a sporadic rhythm.

It was too dark for me to make out Yuki's form. I only had the sound of his breathing to go by. I heard rustling and the sound of something hitting the ground. "Yuki?" my voice sounded small under the heavy veil of darkness, as if it were enough to strip me of the little brevity I had. "I'm here. I just set your shirt down so you'd have somewhere to sit." I felt his familiar girly hands grab for me in the dark, guiding me to where he'd placed the flannel, taking a seat of his own next to me.

I rested my head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck in gratitude. "Thanks- hey, wait a minute!" His head shot up, nearly bumping into mine. "What? What is it?" He asked, a sense of alarm creeping into his tone.

"I dropped my energy drink!"

"…"

XxX

We decided to wait out the storm before heading back to the others. To pass the time, we asked each other random questions back and forth, even some weird ones.

"If you had to become a drag queen, would you go for a skirt or a dress?" I asked him. I could practically _feel_ him blushing beside me. He shifted uncomfortably, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Are you asking me this because of the instance I wore that dress for Tohru's sake?"

"When did that happen?" I asked, trying to stop laughing.

"Momiji transformed by bumping into Tohru. To distract the class, I changed into the dress my fanclub picked out for me as a diversion."

I couldn't help but tense at the mention of those beasts in skirts. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were whipped to do something like that for a chick…but, I would do the same for her."

I heard him chuckle softly, the sound carried throughout the darkness of the cave, echoing off its walls. "Exactly. Kurumi, can I tell you something?"

My heart began beating wildly, the vibrations rippling from my chest to my ribcage in anxiety. Was he dumping me? Was he leaving me for Tohru? You know, she's not that great. Sure she's nice but…

"Because I wanted to tell you that…I care for you greatly."

Really? He got me worked up for nothing.

I snorted at this, feeling myself relax once again. "That's it? That's all you wanted to tell me? You had me worried for a second."

I heard him gulp so audibly, it sounded like he swallowed a boulder. The shifting started beside me again. This time, I felt him move closer to me, heat radiating off his body in waves. "That's not all…Kurumi, we've both been through much throughout this year. I was apart from you for so long; something I didn't think would bother me at first."

Why did it feel like he was proposing to me?

"I was used being on my own, locked within myself and closed off. It wasn't until you and I were together that I realized…I didn't want to be that way anymore. I began desiring your presence all the time. At times I thought to stop by just to see you, or to call simply to hear your voice. Before long, you were in my every thought, and everything reminded me of you."

I opened and closed my hands, my palms growing clammy from his proclamations. I drew my knees to my chest, facing him in the dark; my heart beating in time with his words, like a song's instrumental and its lyrics.

"You are _so_ beautiful Kurumi. Do you know of a gemstone called a Tanzanite?"

I bit my lip, my eyes burning with unshed tears. "No."

"A Tanzanite is a rare and precious gemstone. It's a stunning blend of blue and purple. It can only be found in one place in the entire world. You are my Tanzanite; rare and beautiful, found only in one place…I want you to have a place in me. I want us to be connected to one another…I want you to be a part of me. I love you."

Those three words sent my tears over the edge, spilling down my cheeks. _I love you._ Those words I'd stopped believing in. _I love you._ Those words I believed to only be real in fairytales and legends. _I love you._ Those words were thudding and reverberating within my hollow and empty being, chipping away at the ice around my heart. I reached for him, pulling him against me, burying my nose into his grey polo, once more breathing him in.

"I…I love you Yuki," the words I almost believed to be lost in the fabric of his polo and the covering of the cave's dark, the vulnerability I hoped fell on deaf ears.

He tightened his hold on me, kissing the top of my head, faint but steady…his heart beating against mine in an alluring constant.

"I won't let you go again," his promise unraveled me further, my guard collapsing in reply.

XxX

It was nighttime when we reunited with the others. The sky was a gradient of blue and black, stars adorning the sky in varying patterns.

After relaying the fact we'd decided to wait in a cave, and enduring perverted jokes from Shigure and Ayame, Yuki volunteered to start a campfire.

He took a nearby stick into his hands; running it between his palms rapidly, the friction causing smoke to churn out of the ground in puffs.

I watched in wonder as a bright flame ignited, Hatori and Shigure tossing logs onto the growing inferno.

Wow, who knew he was outdoorsy?

Yuki reclined next to me on the dirt, spearing a marshmallow with a twig, and holding it over the fire. I repeated his actions, charring it to my satisfaction before devouring it.

"You're real ladylike," Kyo scoffed, gobbling down – _shudder_ \- trout.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, desperately hoping to block out the fishy smell. "Ew, why don't you switch to catnip _pussy cat_?"

He bristled at the nickname, jumping to his feet. "Oh yeah?"

Before Kyo could say anymore, Tohru jumped in between us.

"Um, can't we play a game instead…please Kurumi and Kyo?"

I took an irritated bite of Yuki's marshmallow, angrily mulling this over.

Shigure clapped his hands together, that familiar crazed look in his eyes. "Ooh! Children, why don't we play a rousing game of Truth or Dare?" He waggled his eyebrows at Hatori, who was off to the side, trying to ignore the dog's existence.

Ayame joined his partner in crime, patting his shoulder in agreement. "What a magnificent idea! But what should the penalty be if someone decides to pass?"

Shigure scratched his chin in thought. I could practically see the wheels turning in that twisted brain of his.

Kyo and I locked eyes, his lips lifting into a devious smirk. "Whoever doesn't has to skinny dip in the lake. I hear it's pretty filthy after a storm."

He thought _I_ the queen of dares would run away scared? In his dreams!

"You're on little kitty cat. Bring it!"

"Who gets to go first?" Shigure cut in, looking around the group to find the first victim.

Haru raised a hand, "I'll go Sensei," he deadpanned with a shrug.

"Ok! Truth or Dare?"

"Truth, why not?"

"If you could kiss anyone here…who would it be?"

Haru tapped his chin as if seriously thinking this over. It wasn't a second more before he said, "Can I say myself?"

"That doesn't count…I don't think," Shigure's eyebrows furrowed, silently considering this.

He looked at Yuki then at me, "Kurumi, since I already have. No offense Yuki."

He stiffened slightly, deciding to not say anything.

"Ok Haru, you choose the next person," Ayame guffawed, flicking his long white tresses over his shoulder.

"Yuki, Truth or Dare?"

Yuki's cheeks tinged pink, ducking his head down, "Truth."

"You guys are _lame_ , why doesn't someone take a dare?" I prodded, brandishing my marshmallow-on-a-stick in emphasis.

Kyo rolled his eyes, "Okay, then why don't _you_ do a dare then."

I bit off the still smoking marshmallow, the heat searing my mouth. "Hit me."

"Don't tempt me…I dare you to, give Shigure a lap dance."

Was he serious? Did he not know me?

"Ok," I said without hesitation, getting up to follow through when Yuki latched onto my wrist. " _Kurumi_."

Oh, right…I wasn't used to being tied down.

"Fine, since I won't do the dare. Guess that means I'll be taking a night swim." Before Yuki could say any more, I ducked behind the nearby shrubbery and stripped down to my birthday suit. I moved the branches aside, raising my hand in a salute to the group before plunging into the frigid lake.

I resurfaced, sputtering and shivering from the freezing cold water. To make matters worse, Kyo was in stitches, snapping pictures of the whole thing.

I only have four words for him. Rest in peace Kyo.

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. It was a blast writing it xD**

 **I'm officially finished with testing! Up next, my last year of school :D Most likely**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Did ya like? :D I really couldn't wait to update lol**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Yup, they're one of my favorite original story pairings :3 Yuki is a bit *cough* feminine *cough* so, nope! Can't blame you there xD Aw, but Aden's just...well, Aden!**

 **SweetLiars: Tee-hee :D Thank You! I agree, they're both better people when they're together :) Well then, what kind of person would I be if I didn't feed that addiction? ;)**

 **See you all next chapter! Bai :3**


	12. Chapter 12: Typical Spiel

**Chapter Twelve: Typical Spiel**

"Go, Go, Go!" A crowd of frat boys egged me on, as I tilted my mug of beer back, sucking up every last drop of the stout. I found the frothiness _super_ appealing, and get this? It actually tasted like chocolate! I promise you it's true. Isn't that insane? I set the glass down with a hiccup; the abrupt sound seems hilarious in the moment, although I didn't know why.

I jostle the glass around, the ice cubes clinking against one another, the rattling sounding more alive than the dull beating of my heart. "Fill er' up boysss," I slurred, banging the glass against the wood of the bar. The little part of me that was still sober knew I'd already had too much. But that never stopped me.

 _I_ wanted to play the Alphabet game, but the boys preferred a game of quarters. Honestly, quarters was only fun when you were already drunk. But as long as I _could_ drink, I couldn't care less.

I bounced the coin off the edge of the bar, missing by a long shot, before scooping up the mug, and putting away another pint of it. The liquid slipped past my teeth and its warmth trickled down my throat. I couldn't help but hum in satisfaction as my thoughts mixed and blurred together. Why did I even come here tonight?

"Chug, Chug, Chug!" My brain buzzed from the appreciation of having such adoring admirers. They were just so…so…nice? Yeah. Nice. That word fit I think.

It was so funny. All of it was _so_ hilarious. What they didn't know; I was a pretty good shot. I missed on purpose.

XxX

12 Hours Earlier…

After the camping trip concluded, it was a Saturday morning when I arrived back home. Apparently, we were heading out to the fair later in the afternoon. Did these people ever sleep?

Anyway, this time Kisa (yay) and Hiro (ugh) were coming along. Thankfully the boar was away with her Mom on vacation and Rin wouldn't be caught dead at a fair. It had everything she hated; fun, excitement, kids, games…she was such a stick in the mud sometimes.

I tossed my duffel onto the floor next to the front door. I'm not quite sure what I expected to see when getting back home; but it wasn't this. In this moment, I bared witness to the most horrendous sight in history…my Grandma – shriveled and all – was doing aerobics. In. Nylon. Tights!

I rushed over to the TV where a workout video was playing, and jumped in front of it, successfully blocking her view. Ain't _nobody_ want to see her flapping around like a pruny chicken.

Grandma huffed and fluffed her apple green coif; sending me the death glare to end all death glares. "Move it or lose it kid."

I didn't.

She yanked her glasses off and tossed them onto the worn couch cushion. I moved then. When Grandma's about to throw down, everybody knows to get out of her way.

I fast walked to the kitchen, searching the fridge for soda. Great, I should have known. There was only prune juice, V8, and other disgusting, old people crap. With a sigh, I shut the door, and spun on my heel to come face to face with the wicked witch herself. And yes, her face was _all_ up in my grill.

"Ah! Why would you put that _thing_ so close to someone? Especially _this_ early in the morning."

She glowered at me, folding her flabby arms across her chest. "You will be joining your Mother and I at family therapy. It was her idea to sign us all up for a trial period."

"What?!" I screeched. "No way am I going to that!" What crack was Mom smoking? Okay, I get that she's been feeling like utter crap lately. But going to some shrink wouldn't help anything. All they would do is say, "How do you feel about that?" after everything you say, nod, pretend to write it down, then there goes _thousands_ of yen down the drain for nothing.

Grandma rolled her eyes, shoving me aside to retrieve her senile juice. "You're going whether you like it or not sweet pea," she took several gulps of prune juice before swiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Sucks to suck."

Did I mention how much I can't _stand_ my Grandma?

XxX

The therapy center only served to remind me of a psych ward. Not that I've seen one of course!

…

The sappy motivational posters were tacked onto the generic, white walls. The tile was a basic checkered pattern. The dizzying tiles were enough to drive someone mad. I couldn't help but wonder if my Grandma decorated this place. She was an amazing designer, but she may have been part of some ploy and…I clearly do need therapy.

Mom wrung her hands nervously; one of her purse straps slipping off her shoulder from her fidgeting. Grandma offered an encouraging smile before planting a kiss on her forehead. The battle axe was actually being nice? Who was this woman?

I had to wait…I couldn't hush the persistent thoughts with alcoholic reinforcements…I was stuck, waiting for weeks…days…hours.

I can't help but silently fume at the injustice. My Father got off scot-free; banging chicks left and right, while I was forced into therapy like some nut. Did it bother him at all? Did he once think of the repercussions? Did he even _care_ what he put my Mother through, put me through? I wanted to storm out of here and barge into his house. I wanted to throw all these questions at him, to curse him in the face. I wished Mom would get with someone just to show him. I wanted to make him feel the pain we did. To understand how much damage had been dealt. It wasn't right…it wasn't fair.

After what seemed like hours of waiting in the blasé waiting room, 'Fujioka' was finally called and we followed a woman down a narrow hallway. She was supermodel tall; her black locks were woven into an elegant fish braid. Her slender form was draped in a navy blue blazer, a black camisole, a black pencil skirt, and she wore a _gorgeous_ pair of oxfords.

I kept my gaze to the floor; trying to focus on the sound of the click clacking of her heels, and off of him. It worked at first. It was a rhythmic and constant sound. I was captivated by the fact she hadn't gotten off beat a single time. It was a perfect and complete instrumental to a miserable morning; something I'd appreciated. I found myself smiling at this peaceable thing, small as it may be. The constant helped to settle my nerves and dull out my thoughts. That is, until she stumbled slightly, tripping over her own feet, and got off rhythm. The thoughts came back; my distraction now non-existent. I felt the hatred tearing through my heart, a familiarity that unnerved me more than any of my emotions. I clenched my fists and inhaled deeply; wishing that we were sitting down somewhere. Thankfully, it wasn't long after my legs began wobbling that we'd arrived.

The door was that same basic white; a plaque etched in gold read " _Dr. Kira._ " The woman in the oxfords tossed a smile over her shoulders before opening the door to her office. The room was spacious and _nothing_ at all like I expected. The room was monochromatic – like Haru's hair – and abstract paintings hung from the walls. I took in the careful brush strokes of one of them; a black haired and faceless woman held out her wrists, the red slashes adorning her forearms popped against the black and white.

There were three white arm chairs, a black office chair, a desk, and a treadmill. I noted the aquarium that sat nearby the black chaise; Koi fish swimming around and mingling with one another. Koi fish are expensive as crap. I forgot shrinks make mad bank.

Dr. Kira directed us to take a seat in the armchairs before sitting in her leather office chair. I thought she would have whipped out a notepad of some sort, but she didn't. Instead she reached beneath the chair and pulled out a deck of blue and green index cards; my favorite colors.

She shuffled the stack, her manicured hands moving swiftly, like she some kind of blackjack dealer. I exchanged a confused glance with Grandma. Mom still looked to be a nervous wreck. Wasn't this her idea?

Finally Dr. Kira's finished shuffling, and she set the cards in her lap. Clasping her hands together, she looks over her spectacles, her green eyes staring into Mom's. "Miss Fujioka, thank you for deciding to attend therapy sessions. Acknowledging that you need help is a tough step; you should be very pleased with your first step to recovery." Really?

Mom rummaged through her purse before retrieving her pack of gum. Mom always chewed gum when she was anxious. If it was a really bad day, she'd go through a pack of gum like I would cigarettes. She popped two sticks of minty gum and chewed. Well, this was going well.

Taking me aback, Dr. Kira turned sharply towards Grandma. "Ah yes, you are Kishi's Mom?" Grandma picked at her bright red nails, her lips twisting in a grimace. "Yes. Can we skip the formalities and get the show on the road? I have a hot date tonight."

Grandma? A hot date?! That poor, poor soul; did he know what he was getting himself into?

Dr. Kira didn't seem the least bit phased by her rudeness; something I found myself admiring. Instead, she glanced down at the first index card – a green one – and she asked, "When did you and your husband divorce?"

I couldn't help but gape at the bluntness of the question. Dr. Kira didn't bother dipping her toe into the waters. She just plunged right in, willing to put up with the consequences.

Grandma once again patted her hair, her nose scrunching in remembrance. "Five years ago. I found out he was cheating on me with some cheap hussy." She peered at me. "No offense." Um…

She sighed and sunk into her chair. "She was a thirty year old stripper. The floozy spent weekends doing strip teases and giving what they called "special treatments." It was pretty much a lap dance, and if the men wouldn't say anything, they'd get a little more bang for their buck. I just…I don't understand why he needed to look elsewhere for that. I gave him every part of me…even though we were getting up in age. I gave him what that tramp did and more."

Ugh, now I probably will hurl. I didn't even get how old people could still…do _it_. Wouldn't they break a hip or have a heart attack or something?

Dr. Kira's eyebrows creased, a shadow of sympathy crossing her features. She ran the index cards along the palm of her hand, back and forth in a sawing motion. "I see. So, you feel betrayed? Like you gave him so much and he gave you so little?"

Grandma sat up, nodding her head aggressively. "Yes! Exactly. And then he had these _awful_ habits that were just unacceptable. I mean, it was reasonable for me to want him to stop."

Dr. Kira flipped the card, her eyes scanning the next. "Oh? What habits exactly?"

"He would smoke…in the house. I even asked him if he was a pyromaniac, and he got all upset with me about it. Anyway, he _always_ left all the lights on, the TV and the radio running, and he _never_ put gas in the car. We wound up filing for irreconcilable differences. But in reality, we were splitting up because he was a horny piece of crap."

I stared at Grandma in shock. I knew she was outspoken but…this woman didn't hold back _at all_.

Dr. Kira shook her head, her lips twitching with a smile. "That's quite the explanation…do you believe you have influenced your daughter in any way? I know that she recently became a divorcee as well."

Grandma cocked her head, watching Mom squirm in her arm chair; going at her gum like it was actual crack. "Sweetie, we never talked about how the divorce affected you…did I have something to do with yours?"

Mom set her half empty pack of gum down before shaking her head. "No Mom, not at all! He just…he was having an affair with one of my friends."

Grandma clucked her tongue, folding her arms across her chest. "We sure know how to pick em' don't we? Can any man keep it in their pants? Or should women _keep_ them on a leash?" Yuki…

Mom snapped the clasp on her purse and unsnapped it. The sound may have been annoying to anyone else, but being the neurotic chick I am, it comforted me. It was like the sound of Dr. Kira's shoes and Yuki's heartbeat; constant and rhythmic.

"The woman and I met two years ago. She taught the math class in the next room, I taught history. We began eating lunch in the teacher's lounge together and then our friendship carried outside of school. We had tea together, went to movies, and she was at every last one of my book discussions. She was the only friend I had that didn't talk to me because I was the 'wife of a lawyer.' She talked to me because we had common ground, she liked me as a person…and we were so similar." Mom sucks in a sharp breath, her angular cheeks puffing with the exertion. "At first, I thought she always showed up because of me…because she loved talking about books. Then, I would notice her car pulling out of the driveway at random times. When I went to the grocery store or visited with Mom. I confronted him about it and he denied the whole thing. It wasn't until I moved out that he confessed and we finalized the divorce." Mom reached for another stick of gum before Grandma stopped her. She took Mom's hand in hers, holding it in her lap. "It's okay baby girl…you're better off without that scumbag."

I scooted closer, my hand enclosing around Mom's icy cold one. I attempted rubbing heat into it and swiped her tears away with the pad of my thumb. "Grandma's right…you don't need him. None of us do."

Mom's lip quivered as tears streamed down her face. She bowed her head as if she felt shame for the situation. I didn't want her to feel that. She didn't deserve to. He did. "I'm sorry Kurumi. I'm so sorry I failed you…after Makoto died; our family hadn't been the same. But if I just stayed with your Father, the house wouldn't be so empty. There wouldn't be this gaping void that I feel every time I close my eyes." We spoke of Makoto a few times over the years, but never around strangers. Speaking openly about a dead person was always petrifying. I don't know…sometimes it seems like speaking of them will make them appear out of thin air. Maybe I should want that. Maybe I should hope he materializes with that lazy expression he always wore, that comforting crooked smile of his. But I also wanted to believe _he_ was better off wherever he was. He shouldn't have to suffer along with the rest of us to appease anyone else. He should be happy.

But what I couldn't take was Mom blaming herself. I knew what remorse did to you. It ate at you and ripped you apart from the insides. It breaks you down until you're nothing but a hollow and lifeless being; the only sign of life being the fact that you're breathing at all…

I laid my head on her shoulder, drawing my arm around her waist the best I could from where I sat. "I would _never_ have asked you to stay with him knowing what he did. Makoto wouldn't either. Yes it _beyond_ sucks that my brother is dead. I used to think I saw him. I would see mirages of Makoto. He was smiling at me, sitting on a park bench, or reading a book…every time I thought I saw him, he was so happy that it made me feel that way. Yes it hurts so badly I could scream sometimes. Yeah I feel an emptiness that can never be filled. But you know what Mom? I have you. I even have that thing beside you," I nodded my head in Grandma's direction. She stuck her tongue out, "Right back at you blue."

I smiled softly, nuzzling Mom's shoulder. "So don't worry Mom. From now on, I want it to be about you and what you want. Don't worry about anyone else. Just focus on enjoying life again. And please do us a favor? Stay. Away. From. The. Gum."

Her shoulders trembled with her laughter. She slipped her hand out of mine and Grandma's; wrapping her arms around the both of us. "I love you both and thank you for everything."

XxX

Before leaving for the Fair, I helped Kisa and Tohru with their outfits, hair, and makeup. All the makeup was waterproof.

When I'd arrived at Shigure's and got to Tohru's room, she _relentlessly_ tried to convince me that it was all unnecessary. I was in a decent mood, but I wanted to do something fun. This is what I came up with.

Kisa kept silent, lounging on Tohru's bright yellow bed.

"Tohru, I want to do this for you. Don't you want the moron to see you look hot for a day? You're cute and all, but…don't you want to try something different?"

She turned beet red, her eyes bugging out as if her crush on Kyo was a mystery.

I heaved a sigh, placing my hands on my hips. "Would it help if I told you that the idiot likes you?"

She looked up in surprise, waving her hands frantically. "He couldn't! I mean…did he tell you?"

I snorted at this, clicking the latches on my giant makeup case. "Tohru, I have a _lot_ of experience in this kind of thing. Trust me, I can tell when a guy is turned on. It's like a sixth sense. He's close enough to a guy…I guess. In this case, I can tell that he likes you. A lot. It's obvious by the way he looks at you."

And I thought her face couldn't be anymore red.

"…would you help me too? Please…?" Kisa spoke up, shattering the silence with her request.

I reached for my tube of black liquid eyeliner and uncapped it. "Are you sure? You trying to impress the brat?" Kisa ducked her head down, her own face darkening.

"…I…want to look pretty."

I crossed over to where she sat and sank to my haunches. I grab for her hand and enclose it in my own. "You _are_ pretty and so is Tohru. I just want to make you guys up for a day. But only if _you_ want to, okay?"

Kisa mustered up the courage to face me again as she bobbed her head in response.

As soon as they both agreed, I set to work immediately. I gave Tohru some of my clothes to try on and let her borrow one of my more modest bathing suits. I know, shock that I actually have one. It was a beautiful two piece; the top had a mixture of red and white ruffles, and the bottom was a matching crimson. She wore this underneath an oversized plain tee and my dark blue cut offs. I wanted to accentuate her features, so I kept it simple. I swept curled her lashes before sweeping them with mascara. I painted on a gradient of pink and white eyeshadow. After that, I helped her apply a light pink gloss and lent her a pair of studs. With Kisa I dusted her cheeks with a light pink blush, applied a nude lip, and basic line of eyeliner; swinging out with a dramatic wing. Kisa didn't want to swim so she just changed into a rouge crop top and paired it with a matching high-waisted skirt. I opted for a blue tank top, and blue shorts over a gingham bandeau bikini. I slid my huge, dark brown shades onto the top of my head, and slipped into a pair of obsidian gladiators. After all of that, I was too lazy to do my own makeup. I went with a cat eye and that was the extent of it for me.

XxX

The fair was chock full of men, women, and children. Right at the park entrance a scoop of strawberry mochi lied on the concrete, melting and pooling into a puddle under the spring sun. I noticed it soon enough to step over it. Kyo didn't. Ha-ha.

"Come one, come all!" A man dressed like a referee stood behind a podium, inviting people to indulge in a Riceball eating contest.

I elbowed Haru in the ribs, leading him to look up. "What do you say? Are you man enough to take me in an eating contest?"

Haru smirked, his grey eyes shining with mirth. "Sure. Kyo, Yuki- are you gonna join?"

Yuki's eyes flitted to Haru's arm around my waist, then to me. He shook his head, his purple bangs falling into his eyes. "No thank you. I think I'll sit this one out."

Kyo rolled his sleeves up, his beads jangling, glowering at Yuki. "Afraid that I'll beat you girly boy?"

Yuki chuckled, seating himself on a bench. "That has _never_ been a concern of mine."

Hiro walked over, his hand intertwined with Kisa's. "I'll do it."

I couldn't help but smile at this. "This will be fun." I rubbed my hands together maliciously before cracking my knuckles in preparation.

"Bring it on bimbo," Hiro took his place at the buffet table.

"Actually, it's _tramp_ to you."

"Ready…on your mark….get set…GO!"

We all began shoveling as many rice balls into our mouths as possible. The clock was ticking down the minutes while I ate rice ball after rice ball. A crowd gathered behind us, cheering and hooting.

"Time!" The contest official called. "The results…" he walked over, surveying our plates to see how many rice balls remained. "There were a total of 30 on each plate. There seems to be a definitive winner." I looked down the line, a satisfaction burrowing itself in my gut. Haru still had half of his, Hiro had ten, Kyo had seven, as for me…

"You, with the blue hair, are the winner of the 15th annual rice ball eating contest!" I had _five_ left over.

I blew a raspberry in Kyo and Hiro's direction. "In yo faces!" I couldn't help but laugh as they both glared at me.

"For someone so small, you have a big mouth," Hiro grumbled, stalking off in a huff.

Kyo scoffed. "Of course she has a big mouth. How else would she give all those blow- ow!" I cut him off with a smack on the arm. In all honesty I was doing him a favor…had he finished that sentence I'd have to end him. See, I could be sweet sometimes.

XxX

Yuki and Haru were helping Momiji win prizes, I encouraged Tohru to invite Kyo to the tunnel of love; I almost wish I could have seen his reaction. Hiro and Kisa left for the paddleboats, and I wanted a moment to get my bearings. I would never give Kyo the satisfaction. But, I was more terrified of the rollercoaster than I would care to admit.

I wound up stumbling upon a blue velvet tent. A sign stood directly outside the entrance. _Fun House Mirrors._ My curiosity got the better of me and I found my feet moving on their own volition. I couldn't explain why I was so interested in going. I loathed mirrors, because I hated what I saw reflected in them. But I felt drawn inside, like something had a magnetic hold on me, and I couldn't fight it's gravitational pull.

I knew the mirrors were intended to be distorted. If you moved in front of the glass you looked fat or slender. But to me, there was nothing fun or whimsical about being here. I stayed here for so long I'd begun to believe they weren't distorted after all. Maybe they revealed how I truly looked to everyone; ugly. My mirror back home was the distorted one.

Yuki whispered praise for my beauty in the dark of the cave. He told me how he cherished and adored me like a Tanzanite and that I was his. But how could I be beautiful? I'd never seen that, no matter how many mirrors I looked at. All I saw was a girl barely keeping it together. I didn't see anything worth loving or protecting…

"You finally found a mirror that shows you what a _beast_ you truly are. I believe congratulations are in order," a dark voice cut through my thoughts, the edge of them piercing me like a blade.

My gaze slid to the mirrors again; Akito's face looked untouched by the distortion. She walked into view, her black bangs dipping over her eyelids, shadowing her dark eyes. "Do you really believe he will choose you over me? He is _mine_ girl; he will never choose such a worthless thing like you."

I shut my eyes tight, wishing she would just stop. I wish I had something to focus on, a rhythmic sound to block out her declarations. The only constant was the insults that kept coming; from Akito and from me; my own thoughts betraying my swelling emotions. There was so much anger and hatred that I felt towards myself. I _despised_ that the ball was once again in her court, and I was at Akito's mercy. I watched as she grinned devilishly, reveling in my reaction to her presence. She already believed she won. Maybe somewhere along the way, she did…maybe I'd given up.

"My Yuki is too precious and pure to associate with a thing like you…you're such a filthy thing. Who knows where you've been? You're used and passed around so often; I don't think you even know yourself. Aw; tsk, tsk, tsk," she clucked her tongue as she watched me squirm. The words hit home and she knew it. She was a master at inflicting pain upon people. She always knew _exactly_ what to say to break someone down.

I place my palms on the mirror and duck my head down. Just like that moment in my room, when I'd felt the suffocating weight of that truth; the silent scream that echoed in my mind. I lean against the glass for support, feeling my legs beginning to buckle under her words and close proximity.

"And you want to know something else? He never loved you and he _never_ will. Did he tell you what we used to do…? When he visited with me?"

I clenched my fists, a burning I felt rising within me, daring her to say something about him. It was one thing to insult me. It was another to hurt Yuki.

I could feel her smirk behind me. "He touched me in ways he's never touched you. I've tasted him several times…and savored every last inch of him. He's even been inside of me. He can never get rid of me; I will always hold a piece of his soul. You will never have that. I'm sure he lied and said he was a virgin. But _that_ is far from the truth." I felt myself engulfed in fury; a rage so strong I couldn't stop myself. I pulled my fist back and slammed it into the glass as hard as I could. Pain shot from my knuckles and rippled up my arm, an electric sensation shocking me out of my self-induced stupor. The glass shattered in the wake of the pain, blood dripping from my knuckles and pooling on the glass. The redness trickled down the mirror and splattered against the floor.

I breathed heavily, trying to regain my footing as Akito cackled nearby. The sound of her laugh made me cover my ears, the sound penetrating my mind like daggers. My knuckles ached and bled while she just laughed, as if I were the punchline to a joke.

"Like I told you girl… _he_ belongs to me."

XxX

Yuki slung Kurumi's arm over his shoulder, and wrapped his arm around her waist. Her head rolled around, her body going limp in his arms as he tried to support her.

"Kurumi," he whispered, stepping onto the stairs. "Kurumi, we need to get you to bed. Can you do that?" The drunken peacock breaks into a giggling fit, the tremors amplified in the lateness of night. "I'm not sleepy Yukiii." She flopped against him as he tightened his hold, ensuring she doesn't fall.

It takes several minutes before he manages to carry her upstairs, and to his room. He closes the door behind him with his foot, and lays Kurumi onto his bed. Just as he's about to pull the covers up for her, she latches onto his wrist, her glassy eyes staring into his.

"Are you trying to tuck me in? You…silly, silly boy," she smiles sloppily, reaching for Yuki and pulling him against her. The sudden movement takes him by surprise and he topples onto her.

"Kurumi…you should get some sleep. We can talk about why you did this when you're sober," Yuki stated firmly as he could, his throat tight with concern.

Kurumi moves his bangs aside with her fingertips, her head clouded from the haze of her drinking excursion. Yuki attempts to get up, but she holds him in place, her nails digging into his arms.

"Yuki," her whisper is laden with sorrow, slurring from the alcohol she consumed. He sighs, his eyes searchin hers. "Yes?"

Kurumi sits up slightly, not breaking their gaze; she murmurs, "I want you…" before he can respond, their lips collide roughly, and she pours heat and pain into him, wanting someone to share the burden. Yuki knows they should stop, but finds himself reciprocating.

She parts his lips with her tongue, and meets the heat of his own mouth. His moans send vibrations through her, a euphoric high distracting her from sobering thoughts and painful memories. Her hands move from his arms to his back, trailing the fabric of his grey Henley. She finds herself hating the shirt, wishing it wasn't there. The soft caresses of her fingertips are so tantalizing, Yuki gasps at the light sensation. She grips the hem of his shirt, and begins lifting it. Yuki breaks the kiss temporarily to slip out of it, and tosses it to the floor.

Kurumi smirks as she wraps her legs around his waist, her eyes glossing over as she drinks him in. She tries taking in every detail. The tautness of his abdomen and pectorals; he was more sculpted than she'd expected. The milky shade of his skin and the softness of it is something she hoped to remember after waking. Yuki meets her halfway, initiating the kiss as she smiles in gratification. _I need to stop…Kurumi's hurt. I can't do this when she's upset…this isn't how I imagined this to be._

Yuki's lips still against hers and Kurumi pauses. She draws back slightly, swallowing thickly to steel her nerves. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be with me…I thought you wanted me to be your first?"

Yuki looks at her breathlessly, his heart twisting painfully in his chest. He grips the silk sheets in his fist, directing his gaze to the wall beside them. He did, he wanted them to have that. He wanted for Kurumi to be his first, and to be hers. But Akito stole that part of him last year. He was ashamed and angry that it happened. He wanted to bare his soul to Kurumi, not have it snatched away by his worst nightmare. It was supposed to be a special moment. But it had been ruined…and he knew it.

"Yuki?" he cringes at the smallness of her voice. Although it's steady, it's soft and afraid. He hates that he caused it.

"What happened…what made you drink? What…?" his voice drops, feeling an overwhelming sadness chipping away at his heart. He can't continue with her looking at him in such a way. She looked so heartbroken, and that broke him.

All of a sudden, Kurumi bursts into tears.

The shock of it jars Yuki out of his intensifying guilt. He leans down and takes her cheeks in his hands; tears wet the palm of his hand. Her rainbow colored eyes are filled with such agony that he has to blink back tears of his own. "What happened?" He asks again, not willing to stop until he receives an answer.

Kurumi hiccups once, her shoulders shaking from the sobs racking her small frame. "I saw Akito today…she told me that you slept with her. That she stole that part of you. Is it true? Did she?" her voice breaks; her heart aching in suspense of the answer.

Yuki presses his face into her neck, a tear escaping and splashing against her. "Yes…"

Kurumi breathes deeply, trying to think through the fog and form a coherent reply to his confession. She runs her fingers through his purple hair, a feeling of defeat depleting her of any energy she once had. "I hate her."

Yuki closes his eyes and kisses her neck; wrapping one of her arms around himself. His chest tightens, knowing he could say the same. It's minutes, maybe an hour before Kurumi conks out, finally giving into much needed sleep. Yuki doesn't say anything more; listening to the evenness of her breathing until the tendrils of sleep pull him under.

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoyed! ^_^**

 **To be honest, I don't know much about makeup and clothes. I'm just not girly enough. Ah well xD**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Yay! I always love writing the Mabudachi Trio so it's fun :D**

 **SweetLiars: Wow thank you! It was my favorite chapter to write :) Yeah, Yuki wouldn't have that :p Haha I'm glad you enjoyed**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: Thank you woman :D That's the way Haru is ;) I love him for it! Nah, I'm sure Yuki's reaction would be pretty funny, or sad. He'd probably skin Shigure alive :O Ah yes, the famous energy drink :D**

 **See you all next chapter! Baiii :3**


	13. Chapter 13: Pain On Blank Pages

**Chapter Thirteen: Pain On Blank Pages**

The next morning I was going to family therapy…without my family. Yeah, it probably makes as much sense to me as it does to you. Apparently Mom and Grandma were both going out and they suggested I go…alone. So this is how I'm spending the last day of Spring Break.

Fun.

I know Yuki would have preferred that I stayed, but we both could use a break. Yesterday took its toll on me, and I was just now catching my breath. Huh. Maybe therapy actually will help me.

XxX

"So it's just you today Kurumi?" Dr. Kira asked, stacking and shuffling her flashcards.

I nodded, still watching her hands as she flipped through her index cards. I wondered what was on them. By the way she looked at them and held onto them, you'd think they held the answers to the universe. Heck, maybe they did.

Dr. Kira set the cards down and folded her hands in her lap. "Tell me, how has the divorce affected you?"

Should I tell her the truth? I didn't even want to be here in the first place. It was Mom's idea.

I hated the thought of being open, let alone actually doing it. I'm afraid that if I actually speak my thoughts, it would be used against me... it wouldn't be the first time.

I wrung my hands and directed my gaze to the posters again. There was one I hadn't noticed yesterday. It was of a little girl. She had long black hair and ghostly pale skin. She sat on a makeshift swing set; a wooden swing tied to an old tree branch. The girl looked devastated. She looked as if she'd been betrayed. Abandoned. Haunted. The look in her eyes was so painstakingly familiar. How her light green eyes held solemn. How tears streaked her cheeks. The fact that the sun was blazing and she herself looked to be dwindling.

"I remember that day well," Dr. Kira said, breaking me out of my trance. "I was eight years old…"

Dr. Kira removes her glasses and twirls them in one hand, her eyes fixated on the poster. "I was playing in the yard with my best friend, Koichi. We were chasing each other in a game of tag. Of course being naïve children, we had no idea of what went on around us. We were in our own little world." She stops spinning her glasses and grips them in a tight fist. Her gaze hardens and her eyes darken. "Suddenly, we heard a loud sound. I didn't know what it was at first. I was so focused on getting away from Koichi so that I wouldn't be 'it'. But really, I should have been running from my Father the entire time. I never knew…"

Tears fall from her eyes as she trembles in remembrance. "He shot my Mother…then when he saw us outside, he shot Koichi too…they both died that day. He saw me, but he didn't fire at me. He looked back at me with his dark green eyes. Eyes that matched my own. I knew he was my Father but the man before me didn't look like him. He looked like a deranged killer. A stranger. He didn't look like the same person that tucked me in and had tea parties with me. I thought for sure I'd be dead too, but it didn't happen that way…we both heard sirens and I was so sure he'd be caught. But he wasn't…he turned his derringer on himself, raised it to his temple, and pulled the trigger." She took in a shuddery breath, swiping at her cheeks. "I had to watch as the three people I loved most died….I had to live with the fact that I survived. I was so angry at myself for so many years. If I never asked Koichi to come play with me, she wouldn't have died that day."

I sucked in a breath of my own, my heart aching for Dr. Kira. No one should have to go through such unspeakable and indescribable pain. And at eight years old? I couldn't imagine how she was able to carry on after all of that. What I went through almost pales in comparison to her own tragedy.

"Her parents adopted me after news broke about the shooting. Koichi's Mom was so kind even though I was responsible for the death of her only child. The guilt was too much to bear, especially for a young girl. I tried drowning myself in the bathtub when I was ten. I wanted to go where Mama and Koichi went…but Koichi's Mom found me. She made me promise to never do it again. I wondered why she didn't want me to die. It was my fault. I said as much every day for two years after they were killed. But Koichi's Mom embraced me and let me cry on her shoulder. She said it wasn't my fault…she said that she loves me dearly and that Koichi and my Mom would want me to be happy. That they wanted me to smile and laugh again…not blame myself." Dr. Kira cleans her lenses with the hem of her shirt, and smiles softly.

"It wasn't until I was twelve that I managed to smile again. It was Mother's Day, a day that I'd come to hate. Almost as much as I loathed Father's Day. Without my Mom around, for three years I hadn't bothered even mentioning the day to Koichi's Mom. I was planning to spend that day in my tree house like I always had the years before. But that year, it was different. I was hiding out in the cabin of the tree house when her Mom climbed up and joined me. It was silent for awhile. There were only the sounds of birds chirping and wind chimes. As I felt sadness and anger rising within me again - as it always did on this day - she drew me into a hug and kissed me on the head. She said to me, _'I love you sweet Kira...I would never wish to take the place of your Mom. Just as I wouldn't replace Koichi. But I would like to call you my daughter, if that's alright with you. I would like that more than anything. We both deserve to have that again...'_ " Dr. Kira smiles warmly, sliding her glasses on. "And that day...she became my Mother and I became her daughter. I felt and still do feel the hole in my heart left from Mom and Koichi. But I had two new parents to love and care for me...I no longer called her Koichi's Mom. But, Mother...because she was mine too. Something else that helped me make that decision; that meant Koichi and I were sisters. The thought of that eases the pain. Because I know that I will always be connected to her, even now. From that day forward, I smiled and laughed again. That is what I want for you Kurumi. The only way you can truly be happy is if you move past the pain of the divorce and Makoto. I would never ask you to forget him or get over his death. But I want you to be at peace and fully enjoy life again." She crossed her legs and watched for my reaction to her story.

I knew that I was weeping, but it didn't matter to me. If she could open up like that...maybe there was hope for me. If she can overcome the death of three people she loved and still be happy, then I can too. I wiped my tears away with the heel of my palm and faced Dr. Kira. "What do you have in mind?"

Her smile broadened as she retrieved a notebook and pencil from her desk. "From here on out, I would like you to write letters Kurumi."

I gaped at her, confounded by such a request. Who even writes letters anymore? Who would I even write to?

Dr. Kira chuckles at my expression as she hands me the notebook and pencil. "I want you to write letters to Makoto and your Father. Of course you never have to send them or share them with me. But I want you to try it when you go home today. It is something that helped me cope with everything that happened. I used to write to Koichi, Mom, and my Father. I believe it will help heal you as it did me."

I look down at the black composition in my hands. I take in the abstract black and white design and ponder her proposition. Well, I guess it wouldn't kill me if I tried...

XxX

I don't even spare a glance at the notebook until after dinner. I thought about writing in it the minute I got home, but I didn't have the nerve. I was nervous about writing the letters. Even though I know I'm the only one that will ever see them, it feels like the opposite. If I poured out my pain on flyleaf, anyone would know about every thought that's flitted through my mind. They would know every last weakness of mine, and that would render me vulnerable; something I was never comfortable being.

What if someone like Akito found it? All the words she could throw back at me in quick successions...how relentless she'd be, and how easily she'd devour me with threats and insults. I would basically be handing her a knife and hoping she wouldn't use it.

That's why I waited as long as I did.

It wasn't until midnight when I decided to write. I suppose the quiet and desolation of night coaxed me into doing so. Maybe writing to Father would allow for peaceful dreams instead of destructive nightmares. Maybe writing Makoto would remedy some of my grief and comfort me in the midnight hour.

I sat cross legged on my bed, bundling up in my comforter. I have a perfect view of the night sky, right outside my balcony.

Prying open the composition, the white blank pages and it's margins stare back at me. The blankness and empty lines beckon me to write; to fill those lines with words I'd held in for so long. I knew it was time I stopped licking my wounds and did something about them...

Here goes nothing.

 _Dear Makoto,_

 _I don't know how to write to you. It has been so long since we've last spoken. It's weird to talk to you now after a year of radio silence. But I suppose we have a lot of catching up to do. For starters, you passed away. I know, I know...it isn't any news to you. But your death hurt me so much Makoto. I felt so angry at you for leaving me as if you had a say. I hated that you left us behind while we suffered in the wake of that decision. It was stupid for me to feel that way. I know it was. Instead of grieving you like Mom, Father, and Grandma; I was pissed. Out of my anger I started drinking and smoking. I had this philosophy that if I hurt me, I would hurt you. That's what started my addictions to strong drinks and nicotine. When my mind buzzed and my thoughts silenced, it was so freaking wonderful I couldn't let it go. I wasn't able to think about you. I wasn't able to think about the overwhelming anger I felt every day since you died...I was free. Or at least, I thought I was._

 _But reality caught up with me. The truth that you had nothing to do with dying and that I was being irrational. That revelation drowned me. I drowned in guilt and depression from your death and my own stupidity. I told myself to wake up and get some common sense. You couldn't have stopped it. I said it so many times. Over. And over. And over. And over. It became my mantra. I was so busy wasting my energy on being angry at you that I hadn't stopped to think...it wasn't your fault that you crashed. You couldn't have avoided it if you wanted to...you had no choice but to let death take you, and rip you out of our reach. When I realized that, the sadness kicked in...I began mourning your death for the first time. I no longer saw red, only grey. The world around me grew darker and darker. I started picking up on things that I hadn't before. Families smiling and horse playing. Parents holding hands and watching their children play and enjoy life without a care in the world. That's what we used to be like. We used to go on living each day without knowing that it could be our last...or your last._

 _I remember the day it happened. You were out driving that night because of me. I was at a party because some girls from school invited me to go. It was the first time I ever tasted alcohol. That's the day I discovered how effective liquid courage truly was. The first time I shed my innocence and let loose. I was having the time of my life. I even kissed a guy for the first time that night. You were the first person I wanted to tell. I always told you everything. You were my best friend. I thought things were going great. But then, everything spun out of control. He tried to go further than kissing and I wanted to leave. I became hell bent on getting out of there so I called you. I know you heard the panic in my voice. The fear. You got in your car and hurried to my rescue. But you never arrived. Thirty minutes passed and I wondered where you were. The alcohol was clouding my judgement and my thoughts were slipping and blurring together. It took every last bit of will power that I had to get out of there and start walking home. I called you five times...you didn't answer a single one. I couldn't run home. I was too drunk. I was stumbling and staggering in the dark, trying to get to you when you were already dead. And it was my fault. I caused it. If I hadn't called you that night, you wouldn't have died at Akito's hands. I don't know how she did it...but the result was the same. You were gone and our family fell apart. Our life was in shambles and you weren't here to help us repair it...we were never the same._

 _I am so sorry Makoto...I know that I once believed there was nothing I could have done...but could I have prevented the accident? Was there anything that would have made a difference? Even by a fraction of a second, would my staying home have saved you? Would you be alive today? I will always wonder that. I will always think over what I did and what I should have done. I can't tell you how much regret keeps me awake at night. How many times I've wished I were dead in your place. How often I've looked in your old bedroom and saw traces of your life. How they taunted me. The Tae Kwon Do trophies. The pictures of you and your girlfriend. The stuffed bear that you had since you were three still sits on your bed. The blinds are closed now; no light is allowed into the room. No light deserves to shine where you no longer are. Darkness is all that remains in your room. Nothing but._

 _Oh I miss you Makoto...I love you so much. I would give anything to have you here. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. You are missed so much...it hurts. Your death has cut deeper than the sharpest blade. I still feel it. I wish I didn't but I do. I can only hope that you're at rest wherever you are. I hope that you are at peace. I hope there are no more tears. No more pain. No more crying where you are. I hope you only have joy where you are my dear brother...goodbye for now._

 _Love, Kurumi_

 ** _Dear Father,_**

 **I honestly don't know where to begin. There are so many things I want to say to you; but none of them are clean. How could you just up and screw us over like you did? As if we weren't in enough pain, you had to go and cheat on Mom. You're nothing but a lowly piece of scum...Mom gave you so much. We both did. She loved you with all of her heart and promised her life to you. She offered every last piece of her soul to you. She decided to be vulnerable to pain and heartbreak _just_ to be with you. I hate you for that. I hate that Mom was strong enough to do that, and you were weak enough to have an affair. Did you ever love us? Or was that an act? I thought you did. I would see you look at Mom and I saw so much love in your eyes...**

 **But maybe I didn't. Maybe I wanted to believe that any of us could love so badly, I saw what I wanted to see. Maybe that wasn't love at all. Maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me...If it wasn't for Yuki, I'd never believe there was such a thing. You distorted and twisted it's meaning so much; it was like staring into a fun house mirror. It was like seeing a false representation of the truth day by day. A lie. Your marriage was a complete lie. It wasn't real...it was so easily shattered and broken. Was it ever a marriage to begin with? Was it ever truly a relationship between two people that loved and lost? I don't know...I would never ask you about it to find out. I'm too angry to even consider it.**

 **You know what? I hope you and that woman are happy together. You deserve each other. You both betrayed Mom and lied to her face. You sicken me Father...I don't even want to remember anything about you. I want to forget you completely. I wish there was enough alcohol in the world for me to block out your existence. I would drink every day for the rest of my life if there was such a thing.**

 **I can't write to you anymore...I'm too disgusted to try.**

 **Goodbye,**

 **Kurumi**

XxX

"I'll see you later Yun-Yun!" Kimi bellowed from the classroom. She tucked a strand of her black hair behind her ear and shuffled out of the classroom. Yuki shook his head in mock irritation as he packed his textbooks away, and slung his bag over his shoulder. Even the nickname couldn't kill his mood. Student council had just concluded and Yuki was ready to get out of there and go to Kurumi's. She invited him over to teach him how to play pool. It didn't matter to him what they were doing as long as he could see her. It upset him to think about seeing Kurumi as broken as she was two nights before. Feeling her tears on the palms of his hands. Seeing her kaleidoscopic eyes filled with pain and knowing there was nothing he could do about it. But she seemed a little better than before and that made him happy. The fact that she smiled at him today meant so much and lightened the heaviness he'd felt since his confession. Akito might have stolen that part of him, but she didn't take his joy away...Kurumi.

He was about to turn the corner of the hallway when he caught sight of Yoshi and a second year. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't have piqued his interest. Sure he heard the rumors about Yoshi and Kurumi. But it didn't matter. What went on between them was in the past. It had nothing to do with either of them now.

He intended to keep walking, but a snippet of the conversation caught his attention.

"Did you see Kurumi today? She was looking hotter than usual," Yoshi said with a smirk. Yuki stopped in his tracks, his ears perking up at this.

The second year nodded and slugged Yoshi in the arm. "Yeah baka. Sucks that you let her go for Hiko. That chick's gonna be a virgin until she's in her thirties."

Yoshi rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Kurumi was always quick to put out. That's the great thing about easy girls. But Hiko on the other hand...she's not even worth the trouble. It's her fault I haven't gotten laid in weeks."

Yuki clenched his fists, his shoulders drawing to the tips of his ears. The way they were talking about _his_ girlfriend was pissing him off with each syllable they uttered.

"Not to mention the rumors. People say Hiko won't give it up because of her saggy boobs," the second year quipped with a laugh.

Yoshi chuckled, "That's disgusting man. But I wouldn't put it past her. Kurumi can be a brat sometimes but at least _she's_ sexy. I don't even get how she could go for someone like Yuki. He's nothing but a scrub. Honestly I have half a mind to just fight him for her. I'm _that_ hard up for sex man." The second year shook his head, clapping him on the shoulder. "I feel you..."

Yuki stepped out from his hiding place. The atmosphere shifted to a darker one with his sudden presence. "Oh? Is that right?" Before Yoshi could respond, Yuki slammed his fist into his jaw. Yoshi fell to the floor, his back slamming onto the tile floor, knocking the wind out of him. Yuki didn't feel satisfied with just one hit. It wasn't enough for him.

The second year escaped as soon as the rat landed the first punch.

Yuki straddled Yoshi to hold him in place and cocked his fist back. He delivered blow after blow to Yoshi's face, ignoring the pain in his knuckles. He had a one-track mind; knocking the words and inane thoughts of Kurumi right out of him. He wanted to make Yoshi regret ever speaking her name. Hearing her name from defiled lips made Yuki sick, and it set him off.

Yuki stopped to catch his breath. Yoshi took advantage of this; he leaned forward and bashed Yuki in the nose. Injured nose or not, he didn't care. He wanted to wipe that smug look off of Yoshi's face. That's all he cared about.

The rat was about to take another swing at him when Haru intercepted his punch. He latched onto Yuki's wrist to still his movements. The rat glared at the bovine, wondering why he seemed to have been protecting Yoshi. It didn't make sense to him.

"Yuki, let him go. He's not worth it... _go_. Kurumi's probably wondering where you are."

Yuki looks at Yoshi, then back at Haru. With a sigh, Yuki wriggles out of Haru's grip, and starts on his way home. The newly battered Yoshi staggers to his feet. He smirks and pats Haru on the shoulder. "Thanks, I owe you man. I didn't know the Prince had it in him."

Haru slaps his hand away and yanks him up by the shirtfront. " **Listen punk, i** **f I ever catch you bothering either of my best friends again...I won't hold back. _"_** Black Haru relaxes his hold on Yoshi and storms off.

XxX

I was teaching Yuki how to play a game of billiards like I promised. But I didn't expect to see him arrive with a broken nose. When I asked him about it he just brushed it off. He claimed 'it was nothing and that I shouldn't be worried about it.'

He wrapped his thumb and index finger around the tip of the pool stick. After adding his middle finger, he drew it back to take a shot. The cue ball clinked against the eight ball and ricocheted off the exterior of a corner pocket. The cue ball rolled into the adjacent pocket. Scratch.

He reached into the pocket to retrieve it. Just as he was about to take another turn, I jumped in front of him. He looked up at me, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Are you finally gonna tell me what happened to your nose?" I asked, hopping onto the pool table.

He grips the cue ball in his left hand. "Yoshi..." he muttered through gritted teeth.

I cocked my head in curiosity. "Yeah? What about him...? He didn't do this to you, right?"

Yuki looks away, breaking our gaze. I wrap my arms around his neck and he steps forward, placing his palms on either side of me. "Yuki? Did Yoshi do this to you?"

He bobbed his head, not elaborating further. Apparently getting him to talk would be like pulling teeth.

"Okay...why?"

"Because I punched him. Several times."

Yuki? My Yuki beat the crap out of Yoshi? Wow...if I wasn't so upset, I'd find that kind of hot.

I tilted his chin so that he had to look at me. "Why? Yoshi's an idiot but he's harmless. What could he have done that was so bad?" Yuki shook his head in disgust, repulsion bleeding through his features.

"I didn't like the way he talked about you. In fact, I hated it. I know I'm not the type to get physical - unless it's with that baka neko - but, I guess I just snapped. After you finding out about Akito, and seeing how upset you were...I guess it was just the last thing I could take."

I press my forehead to his and close my eyes. "Thank you for defending me..."

He presses his lips to my own and smiles. "I would do anything for you Kurumi. After all, Tanzanites are worth protecting."

* * *

 **As you guys can probably see...this story is nearing its end.**

 **Of course I still need to tie up a few loose ends, but it's pretty much finished.**

 **I'd say there might be two-three chapters left.**

 **I enjoyed writing this story :'D I'll miss writing for Kurumi when it's over. Mehhh.**

 **SweetLiars: I like throwing in some humor because most of it is angst lol I try anyway. Of course she did :) Would you expect anything less from Akito? ;) But, I think what Akito will do next might shock you. Mwahaha!**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: I'm sorry? :) Tee-hee**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Thanks! :D I love Kisa too. You can probably tell by my depiction of her :3**

 **girlthatreads: I never would have expected that X.X Thank You! That is quite the compliment :D**

 **See ya'll next chapter! Maybe...:) Baiii!**


	14. Chapter 14: Hangman

**Chapter Fourteen: Hangman**

In the twilight, Yuki and I lie cocooned under his thick comforter, his leg lightly grazing mine, and his fingertips resting against my hip. His fingertips move on their own accord, drawing lazy circles, and professing quiet passion. The sensation of it all was feathery and not seductive by any means; instead a constant reminder that he was here with me and that I wasn't alone.

Ever since I decided to stay with Yuki two weeks ago, I hadn't slept with anyone. I liked to believe I wasn't addicted, but my body cried out for it every now and then. I considered Yuki several times and then talked myself out of it. There was that one night when we came close. When I'd been too drunk to think straight. But it didn't seem right. When it happened, I wanted to be fully aware of every movement and every sensation. I didn't want the empty hookups I was renowned for, I wanted the real deal. But with the truth of what went down with Akito, it was a far off topic, not even worth mentioning. The threat of her once again stealing him from me loomed above me like a grey cloud, ready to rain at any given moment.

Yuki dips his head down, and pecks me on my forehead, and presses himself against me. His heartbeat drums against my back in its tantalizing rhythm.

We hadn't spoken since we climbed into his enticingly warm bed together, and I wasn't sure if I should be the one to break the silence first. Fortunately he heard my silent plea. With another adoring butterfly kiss, he spoke. "Kurumi, I was thinking about where we stand with each other. We never really discussed it."

I shifted slightly and nodded in unspoken agreement. I wondered if he was a mind reader and he just didn't know it. Or maybe he _did_.

"What do you want us to be? I'm not exactly girlfriend material," I inquire as he kisses the shell of my ear, his lips treading playfully and teasingly.

He shakes his head and exhales softly. "You still have no idea Kurumi. You're bright and beautiful. But you're blind to your own capabilities and worth. You always sell yourself short and speak so lowly of yourself...why?"

The conversation was dipping into unwarranted territory. Something I wasn't ready to discuss. It was bordering on the real reason behind my purging and insecurities. It was a dagger coming dangerously close to my heart, catching me off guard, and without a shield. I was ashamed of the things I did in the dark and never disclosed it to Haru or Yuki. Being open was not my thing and I didn't want to start now.

Instead of responding with words, I replied with a kiss of my own in hopes of deterring him; capturing his lips with mine. Goosebumps break out on my arms as I relax into him and breathe him in.

I inhaled; ecstasy passing from his lungs into mine. As if he was giving me a piece of his soul, his life, and I was giving mine in return. In the throes of this bliss, my heart still aches as if its undeserved. My guilt like steel bars, keeping me from fully letting go and enjoying this. Enjoying him. He breaks the kiss with a gasp for air and he stares at me in shock and disappointment. Disappointment, an expression that looked ugly on just about everyone, even Yuki.

"Kurumi," his voice comes out a pained whisper, barely audible over the sounds of night. Somewhere a nightingale serenades us, its song shattering the dark and waking the nocturnal. Awakening me.

I look away, unable to face the disappointment written all over his face. When it came to describing Yuki, guarded and cordial always came to mind. He always had this practiced facade and way about him that piqued your curiosity. It left you thirsting for his secrets and hungering for what lie beneath that forced smile. But with me, that was hardly the case. His facade melted away and dissipated whenever I was around. His thoughts were an open book to me whenever his violet eyes met mine. That's why I couldn't look at him now...his grief was painfully clear to me. I didn't want to see how his concern marred his features. I didn't want to think about how I made him frown with my confessions. I couldn't do take it.

Tonight we were in a battlefield. Certain topics were minefields and he was just stepping all over them. How was he so oblivious to how painful the aftermath would be?

"I've thought of something...I think its best that we both agree to it," his voice cuts through my thoughts as the nightingale continues its crooning. I almost wish the bird would get closer if to drown out Yuki and the inevitable.

"We should be honest with each-other. Completely. No more secrets on both ends. I have to share with you and vice-versa." He nuzzles my shoulder softly, the ticklish feeling freeing me from some of my darker thoughts. "If we never tell each other anything, we'll never know one another's boundaries. We'll never be as close as I want us to be...I'll tell you everything, you have my word."

I sigh and lace his hand with my own, pondering his suggestion. If I tell him, he'll never see me the same way. Once people know things about you, there's no going back. It's the point of no return. What if he pulled away? What if he kicked me out and broke things off? What if we never spoke again and I never got to experience him. Learning of his flaws and imperfections. Of his likes and dislikes. Knowing him like my parents once seemed to know one another. I wanted that. And maybe I'd regret it in the morning, but I can't fight my desire of wanting to try with him.

A few minutes passed before I broke the silence. Before our dynamic shifted.

"I purge..."

Silence. Once again, deafening and unbearable silence floods the room. Even the bird shuts up. The only indication I had of him hearing me was his heart. How it sped up, like a metronome's tempo shifting from Andante to Vivace. I feel my sanity slipping away as second by second passes us by. It's been so long since he responded. He was the one that decided to start this.

"You, what?" His voice wobbles as fear weaves itself in and out of each syllable. It touched me that he cared enough to be concerned, but that wasn't enough to chase away the ever present guilt.

"I'm fat so...I...well, I don't like the way I look. So I came up with a solution to my problem," I explained, feigning nonchalance. I expected him to ask about it and wonder why I began such a thing. Or worse, tell me that I was beautiful and didn't need to do such a thing. Even coming from him I might not believe it. But instead, he delivered a confession of his own.

"I tried to kill myself the first time Akito forced herself on me..."

I suck in a harsh breath and the room begins to spin. Did I hear him correctly? He admitted to almost leaving the Earth prematurely because of _her_. The world seems to shift on its axis just because of those thirteen words. How different my life would be without Yuki and his solace. Being robbed of his love, his touches, his kisses. And worst of all, his very heart. The same heart that lulled me to sleep and separated me from my insomnia. Not feeling him against me and hearing him call me his Tanzanite. That was almost ripped away from me, just because Akito's selfish and lustful desires.

To shake off those thirteen words, I reach for his other hand, and hold it to my heart. My erratic heartbeat harmonizes with his pulse and trembles along with me. Tears spill out of my eyes before I can stop them, the embodiment and manifestation of my agony. They trail down my cheeks and splash against our joined hands, shattering the rhythm of our pulses.

No human should suffer this much. There's only so much a heart can take before it collapses and gives out. The body tries to heal and repair. It attempts to keep the life force going and acts as its protective barrier. But with enough heartbreak and loss, the pain penetrates the shield, and ravages you from the inside.

The rest of the night carries on without another sound from either of us. The suffocating weight of our utterances dispels the warmth and is replaced with a bitter cold. Our relationship is once again turned on its head, and we're both thrown for a loop once more. Both of us left to wade through the sorrow we're too young to know exists.

XxX

"Chick flicks?"

"Check."

"Popcorn?"

"Check."

"With extra butter and salt?"

"Duh. What do you take me for? What's a sleepover without a heart attack?"

Tohru and I are at the market shopping for our sleepover at Shigure's. Hana and Uo are also planning to stay over and will be there around six. To put me more at ease, Tohru made Hana promise to not use her waves - whatever that means - and for Uo to not carry any weapons. I met them the day I skipped gym, and yet, they seem more scary than the last time.

After we get back, I help Tohru fix up the room for the occasion.

A month ago, Shigure popped for a TV solely for Tohru. Of course she went on her usual modesty tirade about it being unnecessary and junk. But eventually she accepted it and it came in handy for tonight's chick flick fest. I hated sappy movies like cheesy rom-coms and things of the like. But I put up with it for Tohru's sake. Plus, it wasn't the only thing we'd be doing. We had board games and I had something in mind for the guys in the house...something devious.

I help Tohru move the bed further against the wall so there's more floor-space for sleeping bags. She sets down two large bowls of popcorn and four bottles of Ramune. As I look at the kernels I'm reminded of two instances. The night Mom announced she would be staying with Grandma and I shared a bowl with Haru. It was burnt, but it was the thought that counts. At least, that's his excuse.

The other was with my Father. He used to be hopelessly confused about the Japanese culture. Mom would tell me that he once tried eating popcorn with chopsticks. He figured that chopsticks were the only utensil in Asia. He's one-hundred percent French and learned Japanese from his friend. He met Mom when he ventured into Italy and she was on a high school field trip. He was in his 20's and she was 18. The age difference didn't matter at the time and he wound up moving to Japan _just_ because of his infatuation with my Mom. Hearing tales like that sparked romanticism in me but it only fluctuated in the sobering truth of its nonexistence. That was once upon a time. That was back home, and right now I'm at Shigure's, at a sleepover. Now isn't the time to think about such things.

"They're here! Oh, I hope they have a great time," Tohru skirted around the room, fluffing pillows, and straightening her covers. "Its just that they do so much for me and I wanted to do something in return. I just hope its enough."

I take a few steps forward and take her cheeks in the palm of hand, squishing her cheeks to the point she resembles a fish. "Listen to me boo...the best thing that you can offer us is your friendship. Don't think that isn't reward enough. Relax and go let them in..."

XxX

During a pivotal scene in the movie, crumpled tissues and popcorn kernels litter the floor, as Tohru and Hana both cry at the injustice on screen. The leading man has just received a Dear John letter, and he breaks down as his eyes scan the page. He just found out that his girlfriend was pregnant with his baby and she wanted him out of the picture. Apparently, she was seeing someone on the side, and no longer wanted him around.

I could understand Tohru crying at it, but Hana?

Uo pretends to gag and we exchange amused glances. She was actually a pretty cool chick. Intimidating, but fun to be around. She's someone you want on your side.

"So, what's this master plan of yours Ras?"

My eyebrow lifts in reflex to the weird sobriquet. "Ras?"

She bobs her head and begins rummaging through her bag for her pajamas. "Yeah, short for raspberry. Your hair color's blue. It's either that or Ringpop. Take your pick."

"Why not just call me Kurumi?"

She rolls her eyes and sets her oversized t-shirt down in front of her. "Where's the fun in that?"

Well, can't argue with that logic. Finally remembering what she asked, I search for my own sleepwear as I relay my idea. "I figured we could mess with the guys. Y'know, prank em'."

For a moment, Uo is still, not moving a single bit. Then, an almost infinitesimal smile plays along her lips as she considers all the possibilities. She draws a fist to her mouth and her eyes dance with excitement. "We _have_ to get orange-top! It has to happen. I call dibs!"

I shrugged as if to say 'have at it' and took a sip from my soda. "Okay. Then I call Haru. Hana, you want to prank Shigure?"

She tears her haunting eyes from the screen long enough to steel me with her gaze. "Absolutely. It would be an honor. He seems to be afraid of me already. Where would the harm be in it?" I laugh at this and set my Ramune down, turning towards the bubbly brunette. "Tohru? Are you willing to get Yuki? You can go easy on him. Actually, I'd prefer that you did."

Uo snorts, "Well isn't that sweet? You're looking out for him because he's your _boyfriend._ Mwah, mwah, mwah," she makes kissy faces before scooping up her clothes and heading to the bathroom to change.

"Real mature yankee...doodle?" I retort weakly before slumping against Tohru's bed. I really needed a nickname for her. "So, what'll it be? You gonna prank Yuki?"

Tohru wrings her hands - the nervous habit reached her now - and looks everywhere but at me. "I-I couldn't..."

"You can do a harmless one. One of the more mild pranks like...pouring shaving cream into his hand and tickling his nose with a feather. That's not so bad." It would actually be hilarious to see how Yuki reacts.

Tohru shakes her head frantically before reverting her attention back to the screen. I simply shrug my shoulders and remove my shirt. "Suit yourself."

Unfortunately, or not unfortunately, all my sleepwear was skimpy and risque. Good for sex, bad for staying at a pervert's house. On the bright side...Yuki would see me in it. Yup, I feel better now.

As soon as I've changed into my black silk nightgown and kitten knee highs, Uo is in her Pajamas and scampering downstairs to work on her "gift" for Kyo. Hana and Tohru are both fixated on the movie so I set to work on my own prank.

What would be a good one for Haru...?

I could misplace his rings? Nah, he'd just shrug it off and buy some more.

I could prank call him, pretending to be Rin. But that's so cruel...

Hmm...

Wait a sec, I've got it!

XxX

A little bit after the guys eat dinner that Tohru prepared beforehand, Kyo volunteers to do the dishes. Not because he's some sort of domestic homemaker - although its always possible - but because he wanted to impress sweet little Tohru. Little did he know, he would be getting more than he bargained for.

Tohru was upstairs and starting a K-Drama while the three of us were lying in wait. We're poised around the corner, out of Kyo's line of sight, as he finishes with the dishes. Apparently, Kyo craves milk like my Mom craves gum. So, he's essentially a crackhead. So Uo devised a plan that would make him regret his predictable ways.

Just as expected, Kyo slings the dishtowel over his shoulder, and retrieves a glass from the drying rack. With an agitated sigh, he trudges to the fridge, and yanks it open in search of his soon-to-be worst nightmare.

He glances down at the glass, then thinks better of it, and pops the carton open; tilting his head back. Uo can barely contain her laughter as he guzzles what he thinks is milk. It's mere seconds before he pauses and his face contorts and twists. He spits the liquid out of his mouth and scrubs as his tongue with his free hand. "Ugh! What kind of psycho put mac and cheese mix in the milk carton? Where'd they even get that crap?!"

Uo and I burst out laughing, shamelessly forfeiting our hiding place. Even Hana smiles at the successful execution and Kyo's flushed, angry face. He tosses the carton into the sink and storms off, smacking Uo and I on the head on his way out. "Stupid chicks...there's too many of them in this house..." he mutters under his breath as the back door shuts behind him.

Right now we'd revel in a job well done. Then we'll get back at him for hitting us. It was bound to happen.

XxX

Hana left a surprise in each of Shigure's smut novels. Although she admitted it pained her to do so since she actually enjoyed reading them. Inside each book, she left horrifying, and scarring photos. Pictures of the unmentionable...the unspeakable...I'm talking worse than seeing Akito in a bikini and doing the tango with Kureno scary.

Next on the agenda was Haru. I was struggling to come up with an idea for him. He's not the type to react over just anything so I had to get creative. Hana decided to sit this one out, so it just left Uo and I. She was only willing to partake in it because she wanted to see his reaction. Otherwise it would only happen "over her dead body."

It was lame but, eh, I was a bit rusty.

We waited for Haru to sleep before we decided to give him a head to toe makeover. Being one of his best friends meant knowing how heavy of a sleeper he was. That boy could sleep through a tsunami.

We changed his shirt and pants and managed to slip him into one of Uo's only dresses. It was frills and bows, pink and yellow, bright and girly. Something her Mom forced upon her. Uo slapped a blonde wig on him that she bought from the store and I retrieved my tube of bright red lipstick. She popped open a smoky eye palette. He was supposed to made up, not beautiful. Oh heck, all Sohmas were beautiful, I was the exception.

After we finished applying mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick, eyeliner, and blush; we stepped back to observe our work. Ok, we took a picture too...several pictures. We had to commemorate the occasion somehow.

Before we had the chance to wake him, Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki all entered the room, ushered in by Hana and a nervous looking Tohru. Apparently, more people wanted to witness the spectacle than expected.

I stepped back so there was a better view of him. Silence hung in the air, something I was rapidly beginning to hate, before Shigure doubled over with laughter. "Haru." he started between gasps. "What a beautiful flower you've blossomed into! Mind if I call you sometime?"

Yuki shook his head. "You never think before you speak do you?"

I bumped Yuki's shoulder with mine, trying to fight a smile. "Come on...you have to admit, it's kind of funny. Don't you appreciate my handiwork?"

"You mean _our_ handiwork. Don't leave me out Ringpop," Uo cut in as she snapped more photos of Haru, still undisturbed.

Kyo shoved Uo slightly, retrieving his own phone, and unlocking it. "Move it Yankee. I'll be sure he sees this."

Uo growled at him before hip-checking him into the far wall. "Don't think I forgot about you hitting me orange-top. Try something like that again and soon you'll be in a grave somewhere."

Yuki starts for the door and places his hand on the knob. Looking over his shoulder, he observed that no one was paying him any mind. His eyes flit to mine and we share a private smile before he retires to his room.

XxX

The main estate somehow seems darker tonight. A chill ripples through the air, as if the remnants of life have escaped in that same breath. A maidservant - Kichi - finishes polishing the silver before searching the cabinet for tea leaves. After finding Akito's favorite, she pours them into a cup, and fills the tea kettle with scalding hot water. As the metallic container fills with hot water, she hums to herself. She rather enjoys her work here at the estate. Her fellow maidservants are kind to her and respect her. She likes to think of them as her sisters; protecting and advising her as she goes along.

Tonight is the first night she serves the master. She's never met Akito although she's heard the horror stories. She didn't want to believe them. She believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt, and waiting to form her own opinion of them, not sharing in someone else's.

After setting the tea kettle onto the serving tray, she grips it in both hands, and rolls her shoulders back. _There's no need to be nervous. Who knows? She might actually be friendly._

Kichi reaches the double doors and shifts the tray to her hips. With a hand available, she raps on the door, simultaneously admiring her manicure. _It was so nice of the girls to do that for me. I sure don't know how to pamper myself._

Nothing...Kichi frowns at the lack of consent or any form of response. She tries again.

The same result.

Kichi checks the clock overhead - 3:30 - the time Akito usually requests her tea. Kichi tentatively pushes the doors open and plasters on a smile. "Sorry to be barging in Master Akito. I just-" the sight before her snatches her breath from her reach and the tray crashes to the ground. The tea kettle spills and tea stains the wood. But none of that matters. Not the tea. Not the wood. Not even the girl.

Because in that moment, only one thing mattered.

Akito suspended from the ceiling, the life choked out of her by a noose she tied, and a suicide note attached to her kimono. The maidservant will never know Akito's personality. She will never know how well she did in her first day serving. She will never know what the head sounds like...she will never know.

The only explanation is in the note. And in it, is everything.

* * *

 **Cliffhanger! Yayyyy ^_^ I hope you all enjoyed! It took hours. Intermittently...but still. xD**

 **Next chapter will be the very last! You will find out what the note says then. I'm not even sure what it says since I haven't fully thought of it yet ;)**

 **I apologize for the month long wait! But I do hope it was at least somewhat worthwhile.**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: You already know :D I hoped it turned out okay! Thank you :) Can you believe it? Almost at the last chapter of another fanfic. I still remember finishing Bruised Heart not too long ago :')**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Sameee. I feel sad about its end already T_T That's true! And I hope you get that enjoyment and wanting for writing back some day. It's not fun to lose interest in something you enjoy doing.**

 **SweetLiars: Yup! :) Thank You! I try my best ^.^ Hmm...I could maybe do that for the epilogue? Its up to you guys.**

 **I want to try something new for this final chapter. If you guys want, you can decide how you want the story to end. What I mean is, I can show off a certain point. Like a wedding, or some other point in their lifetime. I have plans for some of what's gonna go down, but not everything yet. Its completely up to you guys! :)**

 **Be forewarned. That's gonna be a super long chapter...but I think that's acceptable :)**

 **Thank you all for reading and I will see you for the final chapter! Baiiiiiiii :')**


	15. Chapter 15: The Final Shard

**We have finally arrived at the last chapter of Mirror, Mirror. T_T**

 **Be prepared for the time jumps! Mwahaha :D**

 **I apologize for the fluff! But to make me feel better, there's angst too xD**

 **I was going to update this along with Incognito, but I really wanted to get this out before the next year lol Then I can just focus on one at a time.**

 **I'm glad to be able to complete Kurumi and Yuki's story, but I'll honestly miss writing for them.**

 **I hope this ending chapter will suffice as I transport you into their world one last time :)**

 **Thank You's are at the end as usual. And I hope you enjoy! ^_^**

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen: The Final Shard**

 _If you're reading this, I'm obviously dead. Knowing you people, you're probably rejoicing and celebrating by now. What a joyous occasion it must be for you all. If this is your first time reading a suicide note, congratulations. There are a few things I need to say before I leave this world. First and foremost, all that I own belongs to Yuki and Yuki alone._

 _Second, I'm not a man. I'm a woman. Not that my Mother ever gave me a say, I had to pose as a male, and deal with two lives. The real and fake. I will always hate her for that. If you are reading this and didn't understand, I said I hate you. Third, Makoto's death is my doing. I killed him. I setup his death and made it look like an accident. I feel no regret in my decision. Kurumi, count it as a lesson learned. Don't mess with what's mine. Even after I'm gone I know you'll screw around with him, little wretched girl that you are. Unfortunately I am not there to stop it, not that it truly mattered. No one has ever cared about what I've wanted or who I've wanted to be. I never asked to be the head of the family. I never asked for all of this authority and power. I only wanted Yuki...nothing more. But I couldn't have the one thing I wanted. Because of the selfish peacock who took my Yuki away from me._

 _I never got what I wanted out of this life. What is the point of living if I cannot have what I wanted most of all? I don't know what love is or how it feels. But if I had to guess, I'd say that I loved Yuki. Submission is love isn't it? Obedience and Love are the same thing. If this is true, then I did love, even though no one loved me in return. If only you and I could be together Yuki, then I wouldn't have left so suddenly. I would have stuck out the misery longer than I did. For you._

 _I trust you to carry on with my responsibilities Kureno and Hatori. Its up to you to deal with these brats now. Its not my problem anymore._

 _Now that you've heard my sob story, you can go back to your pathetic little lives. Don't worry, I know you won't miss me._

 _-Akito_

XxX

No One Mourns The Wicked

Akito's funeral was unexpected and odd. It carried on systematically as if we were following a funeral check list. There were people, food, and a tombstone. But the similarities stopped there. Usually, funerals were not only a time to mourn, but to celebrate the life of the person. You'd usually see a lover crying over their grave and grieving, knowing all they had to cling to was their memories, and not the person. If it was a Mom or Dad that had the unfortunate duty of burying their child, they would be weeping the most, and clad in black with the rest. Everyone would be dressed in their darkest clothes and there wouldn't be a dry eye for miles. Her funeral was none of these things.

No one but Tohru cried for Akito, not even her Mother; Ren. The reason? Most of us had no reason to grieve her death. I wasn't totally heartless. I didn't want her to have to die in order for us to be free. But it happened that way, and most were just reaping the benefits of it. We were all free of the curse. We were free to love whom we wanted and not fear outsiders. We could roam and explore the world without obligations and ties to Japan. We no longer lived under Akito and the rules that choked the life out of the Junishi. The end was in sight before any of us knew what was to come.

Very few people showed up for her funeral. Other than Ren and myself; Yuki, Haru, Hatori, Kureno, Tohru, Kisa, Hiro, and Momiji. Hiro was there to console Kisa. Kureno was always the most loyal so it was a given that he'd be there. Hatori and Haru attended for closure. Momiji's kind heart brought him. As for Yuki, he wanted what I did...a sense of finality.

If it hadn't been for Akito, Yuki would still be a virgin. If it weren't for Akito, Yuki and I would have never broken up. If it weren't for Akito, my brother wouldn't have died...

But then, if it weren't for Akito, Yuki and I might not be together. If I wasn't sitting on that curb after losing Makoto, Yuki might not have found me. I might have never known the relationship that I do now. I could have gone my entire life believing that love only existed in made-up stories and falsehood.

I was back to square one, at a loss for what I should feel now that she died. She wrecked my life and she made it. Once again I found myself in that chasm, torn between a sense of vindication and loss. And I could only hope that I'd find my way out again.

XxX

The Canary Sings

"So, what do we do now?"

Yuki and I are seated on the grass below a stony bridge that overlooks a lake. Pink clouds are assembling in the purple and blue sky as the sun sets and the moon rises. During every pause in conversation, wind rustles the blades of grass, and nips at our skin.

The others were celebrating in their own ways; reuniting, drinking, dancing, eating, and enjoying the end of an era. The end of the lifelong suffering only such a curse can bring. Yuki and I are decide to settle under the dying light and figure out where to go from here.

I draw my knees to my chest and rest my head on Yuki's shoulder. The question hangs in air, unanswered, and the wind continues whispering to the grass. Maybe he was silent because he had no answer. What _does_ one do?

His smile softens his stress worn features as he reaches for the bag beside him. His girly hands sift through the light blue pack until they settle on a tall aluminum can. His lips lift into a full blown smile as he passes it to me in offering. "I believe this is for you."

I can't help but smirk as my hands close around it and I pop the tab. "Don't think this gets you out of answering me," I say teasingly, downing nearly half of it in one go. I notice Yuki watching me out of the corner of my eye and I turn towards him with a devious grin. "I'm pretty good at swallowing, aren't I?"

His cheeks twinge pink and he refocuses his attention on the glistening water before us.

I snort at his reaction and set the can beside me. "You have such a dirty mind Yuki...what would your Mother say?"

I initially meant it as a joke, but the mood shifts from playful to somber the moment I ask. His smile drops and his eyes darken, deciding to evade another one of my questions. But this I didn't want to let go. The thought of why I hadn't met his parents crossed my mind before, but I never pushed it.

"Yuki, you said that there shouldn't be any more secrets between us...right?"

With an almost imperceptible nod of his head, I press forward. "I was just curious about the fact I haven't met your Mom. Or even your Dad. Since you live at Shigure's I figured something might have happened to them." He turns his head and looks me dead on, but his eyes are deprived of any life. He's not crying, but his tense stature, and hunched shoulders are more disheartening than any tear could be.

His gaze falls to my hands and he sucks in a breath as if bracing himself. "Its not a simple question to answer...we first met when I was five and I collapsed at your feet. I didn't live with Akito until I was ten, but my Father abused me before that." My heart leaps to my throat at the thought of someone hurting him. The damage a stranger can inflict upon you is traumatizing in itself. But your own Father hurting you is one of the worst pains in the world. I knew it all too well.

"That's why I was willing to move into the Main Estates. It was before I knew how the head of the family was. I just saw it as means of escaping. I didn't realize I was going from one house of misery to the next. My Mother claimed that it would be for the best. At the time I believed she genuinely cared for me and wanted to help me. But she said it was because the rat is supposed to be closest to the head of the family. That meant I - out of obligation - was Akito's property, her tool. She could use me any way she pleased and no one could object to it. Tohru is more of my Mother than she ever has been to me...I would never allow her to meet you Kurumi. Not because I am ashamed of you. It is because _she_ doesn't deserve to know someone like you."

The moonlight illuminates my tears as they fall without warning. It was always the involuntary response whenever we had these painful conversations; a gut wrenching requiem. But he was right. At first I did believe it was because he was ashamed of me and thought me to be unworthy of being presented as his girlfriend. At least to his parents. The only other thing I knew of his Mother was her coveted place in society. She was on the top rung of the Sohma ladder, and right up there with the elite tennis snobs my Mom spent time with. Her success and no-nonsense attitude was intimidating by anyone's standards. Someone like that would never accept someone like me. She would choose a better girl for her son. Elegant, beautiful, the top of her class, and from a rich and well respected family. A princess for the prince. Even though there's someone out there that's better for him, there's no one that's better for me. I can't see myself with anyone outside of Yuki. Even when I listened to music, his name ran through my head relentlessly like lyrics to a catchy song. And now, his name had a different meaning to it than before. It didn't represent the cold and bitterness that winter did bring. It symbolized the purity of snow, the beauty and warmth of its holidays, and the hope of the life that spring birthed. Yuki...there isn't a better name for you, just as there isn't a better person for me.

I didn't realize that I spaced out until I felt him swiping one of my tears away, and the heat of his close proximity. I smile, and ignore the pain stabbing my heart as I lean in towards him, and he meets me halfway. I hoped the kiss would close the conversation and that we'd shift to lighter topics. But instead of speaking with words, we converse with silent breaths, and the taste of salt while the nightlife carried on around us; oblivious to our shared misery.

The kiss is ineffective in silencing my thoughts like I know booze would, but I didn't want that. I spent almost two years running away from my problems. I blocked them out and pretended they didn't exist. Then when I recalled them, they were more painful than before. I just wanted him. Even though he did nothing to distract me from my issues, maybe that's what I needed. I need someone that will inspire me to be better. I need someone that will make me want to face truth and not hide from it. To desire light and be free of the dark. It was time that I stopped running.

We break apart for oxygen and I rest my head against his chest. He lifts me so that I'm in his lap and he threads his fingers through my hair. I feel as if a small weight has been removed from me as another realization comes to mind. "You're my constant Yuki...you're the constant I've been looking for the entire time."

His eyebrows draw together in confusion and he tightens his hold on me. "What do you mean?"

I smile and brush my lips against his. "Nothing...I just, I love you Yuki. I've never been able to say that to anyone before you. But I can't help but think it all the time. You're always there for me now. You're more reliable than anything and anyone else. I've spent the past year searching for stability and a constant that could bring me peace. Cigarettes and Alcohol just made me feel empty...even though I felt full in the moment I slept with someone, it never filled the void. Only you have...If I'm your Tanzanite, you're my Constant. You're the only one that erases that emptiness and I have you to thank for that. I don't mean to sound all mushy, but it's the truth."

I knew I could be gutsy - to my disadvantage at times - but I didn't expect to open the floodgates the way I did now. A part of me wanted to kick myself for saying more than I intended, the other part was glad to finally say it.

"Your constant? I like that. Even though you and I are different, I believe we're like fire and ice in that aspect."

I rolled my eyes at how fluffy and sappy this conversation was becoming. "You know that we both sound incredibly corny...right?"

He smiles warmly at me before nuzzling my neck, chills spawning from the sudden sensation. "Would you prefer talking about something else?"

I couldn't help but sigh as I leaned into his touch, reveling in the attention that was solely mine. I would love to stay like this with him. But I knew there were still a few things I needed to talk to him about. A part two of our conversation from the other day.

Before he could draw me in for another kiss, I reluctantly pulled back until we were an arm's length apart. I felt exposed being out here in public. But as usual, the covering darkness promised overrode some of my vulnerability. The night emboldened me, and I experienced a sense of control that I didn't when the sun was out. It was exactly what I needed to propel me forward.

"I told you that I purged and you told me something in return...there are still some things I need to get off my chest. Painful things I've never even told you about." I was already free-falling, and bracing myself for the impact of his reaction, and hoping he'd still want me after I told him.

Just as expected, his eyes cloud over with sadness. But he schools his expression and gives a nod of consent, urging me to continue.

"I know that sleeping with those other guys hurt you Yuki...I wish I were able to outsmart the space time continuum and build a time-machine. It probably means nothing, but I've regretted it ever since. I've just felt broken inside for so long that I don't know what to do anymore. I can't remember the last time I've felt like a whole person rather than a bunch of messy pieces strung together. There's a part of me that was bent on destroying myself and I spent so much time trying to find worth and make something of myself. I thought if I could get a guy off, it meant I was halfway decent and might stand a chance in this world. I thought that maybe if I made them happy, I might find myself smiling too...but it wasn't like that." It always left me unsettled the way guilt and pain always managed to worm its way into my heart. The two feelings never existed by themselves, but always coinciding, much to my chagrin. It typically happened in my darkest hours and moments of weakness. Like the time I gave my virginity to Yoshi, a guy I used, just as he used me.

Throughout my life, I had to grow accustomed to people staring and gawking at me. If it wasn't my striking hair color it was my rainbow colored eyes. Then people watched me from different lenses as I lost everything and became nothing more than a shell. People saw me from the bottom of a beer can more than they looked me in the eyes. They occupied themselves with staring at the curves of my aluminum vessel until I let them ogle mine.

The first instance happened shortly after Yuki broke things off and I was bitter and lonely. The night of Makoto's birthday has been ugly ever since that time.

 _My parents were watching home videos of Makoto's Tae Kwon Do competitions, while I snuck out to another party. That's all I did then. Party and drink. I lived, breathed, and thought of alcohol. I couldn't wait to get my hands on the stuff; my cure, antidote, and source of courage._

 _The party was being held at Yoshi's place, the beautiful Victorian that I'd come to know like the back of my hand._

 _The minute I arrived, I darted around the host, and in the direction of the nearest keg. Much to my relief, there was no line, and he was loaded with it. After two cups of cheap beer, I started mingling with people; halfheartedly, but at least I tried. I chatted with a guy from my History class for awhile until I noticed the host eyeing me more than any other guest._

 _He didn't look at me and then pretend that he wasn't. Oh no, he stared at me the entire time. I'd started to think the guy never blinked. After a few more annoying moments of this, I finally strutted over, like the peacock I was. The drinks from before gave me just enough of a buzz to make my legs feel weird, but not to the point that I couldn't form coherent thoughts._

 _He tossed a cocky smile my way as he leaned against the wall. His eyes were glossed over from his own drink and he shamelessly undressed me with his eyes. I snapped my fingers in his face and scoffed at his lack of subtlety. "Hello? My eyes are up here."_

 _He bobbed his head and licked his lips, slowly, as if he was the most seductive thing ever. "I know that...but I couldn't help but notice your big boobs." I almost laughed right in his face at that comment. That had to be the worst pick-up line I'd ever heard. It reminded me of Little Red Riding Hood. 'My Kurumi, what big boobs you have.' The better to tempt you with my dear._

 _But instead, I simply threw my dignity out the window, and stepped closer. "Oh? You noticed, I'm flattered." I wanted to say, 'Oh, so you have eyes and can see?'_

 _He set his cup down before reaching for my hand and lacing it with his own. "How could I not? But I'd really like to see what's under your clothes. I bet you'd look even hotter without them." Oh lover boy really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet._

 _I was about to abort and sulk home when Yuki popped into my mind. How he completely froze me out and underestimated me. He believed that I couldn't keep myself from getting locked up in the cat's room. I was little old pathetic Kurumi. Someone that needed to use Yuki as a crutch to get back on her own two feet. I hated it. I hated relying on other people. But most of all, I hated that Yuki dropped me so easily. One minute I'm everything and the next I'm nothing._

 _I could blame my bright idea on my intoxicated state. I could tell you I was out of my mind. I could even say I was too grief-stricken to think straight. But really, I slept with Yoshi out of retaliation. I wanted to make Yuki see what he was missing and how much fun I was. How desirable I was. And it was all at the cost of something I could never get back..._

I wait for Yuki to say something, but he opts to keep silent. So I continue. "You had no choice. She ripped something that precious away from you. I did it to myself. I just gave it away like it was nothing for one moment of...I don't know what. Self-satisfaction? But for what? I was so stupid Yuki."

He was quick to shake his head in disagreement but it didn't sway me. "I was such an idiot! I did so many things and I screwed myself up. I hurt you and you deserve so much better than me. I shouldn't be here with you right now. You should be with some other girl and doing normal things. Not listening to me whine about my dumb mistakes." My tears made my words thick and grating to listen to. With each consonant, my voice grew weaker and weaker, and Yuki got closer and closer. I was back in his lap again. But this time there was no space between us. I was completely, and fully pressed against him, and his heartbeat against mine was a welcomed relief. He rubbed circles into my back as he allowed me to get all the tears out of my system.

As the night carried on my eyes were growing heavier and heavier. Crying always wore me out and I was ready to just fall asleep. Yuki must have sensed this because he got to his feet, carrying me in his arms, and holding me to him as tightly as he could. By the time it was three a.m. Yuki was carrying me upstairs and into my bedroom. I was too tired to change out of my clothes and I was too exhausted to say anything more. I felt completely sapped of my energy and wanted almost nothing more than to conk out. But when Yuki turned on his heel as to leave, my chest ached painfully as he walked away from me. I wanted to scream and call for him, but I was too tired. Like I was mute in a horrific nightmare.

But much to my surprise, Yuki closed the door, and walked back over to my bed. With a small smile, he slipped out of his shoes, and asked, "Do you have room for me?"

Without answering, I yanked him by the arm, and pulled him down next to me. I snuggled up to him, and wrapped my leg over his hip; pressing my nose into his shirt. His laughter rumbled in his chest as his arms encircled my waist. "I suppose that would be a _yes_."

XxX

Scaredy Cat

The next night, Kisa invites me over for a sleepover. Tohru wanted to go but she had work, so it just left the two of us. Not that I minded of course. I always had a soft spot for the former Tiger of the Zodiac. That's why I threatened Hiro if he ever hurt her. I smiled at him and promised that he would wake up breathing through a tube if he tried something.

As for Kisa and I, we spent the time playing _Clue_ and catching up. I also brought my copy of _Spirited Away_ and we finished off the night with _Ponyo_.

Now we both are lying out on her living room floor in sleeping bags. It took me an hour to finally drift off to sleep only to be jolted awake by screaming. Kisa's shrill cries shatter the remnants of my own dream. She curls within herself and trembles from a nightmare. I lift her up and into my arms; rocking her until her sobbing quieted and dulled out. After ages of silence, she looks up at me with her teary brown eyes; empty and blank.

"What did you dream about?"

At first she's silent for a long time. For so long that I think she won't answer. Just when I'm about to switch topics, she answers.

"It was about Akito..." her voice is small and weighed down further and further by the dark of night. I could understand why she was more timid than usual. I had nightmares about Akito for days after her death was announced. The torment still befell the Sohma family, long after she was stuffed into her coffin.

I offer a smile and kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry you had to go through that Kisa...but she can't hurt us anymore. I hope that you never have to dream about her again. But if you do, just remember...she's gone. We're all free."

A tear slides down her cheek and she balls her hands into fists. "She hurt Hiro. In my dream she pushed him down and-" her voice drops to a squeak and she latches onto my nightgown. "She hurt him like...she hurt..me."

I nod in understanding and wipe the last evidence of her tears away. "It's okay to feel afraid. No one should have to go through what you did. What any of us did. But even though you feel afraid, you shouldn't fear."

She cocks her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I exhale softly and stroke her hair; something my Mom used to do for me. "Well. Its natural to feel fear. Every person alive feels it."

"Even you?"

I laugh and pat her on the head. "Especially me. But even though I feel scared, I still live on and do what needs to be done. We have to do things afraid. We have to press on even in spite of our fears and nerves. We may have to face ridicule and insults. We might have to get hurt in the process. But its better to try and maybe succeed, than to cower in fear for the rest of our lives."

Kisa yawns and shifts in my arms, her head falling back on my shoulder as she looks at me hazily. "I want to be that brave..."

I set her back down and help her zip up her sleeping bag. After planting another kiss on her forehead, I take a seat beside her. "You _are_ brave. You'll see. You can go back to sleep if you like. I'll be right here if you have another bad dream." But before I even get my sentence out, Kisa's already nodded off, and snoring softly beside me.

XxX

Grudges & Reconciliation

1 Year Later...

"There's nothing good on."

"Yes there is, you just have to look hard enough."

"That doesn't make sense. Even for you Haru."

He simply shrugged as he continued his search for a decent movie.

It was a dull day in May with absolutely nothing to do. School would be out next Friday, and I was already predicting a boring summer. Yuki graduated the week before and I still had another year left. He would be gearing up for University whilst I would be left in the dust. Well, at least I had Haru and Kisa to keep me company.

I never wanted the day to come. But as time passed, the moment of our separation was edging closer and closer. It started with the arrival of his cap and gown; the first sign of trouble. He stopped by and asked for my opinion of how he looked. I plastered on a smile and told him he looked great. But he saw through my crap, and we had a long discussion of how I'd get along without him nearby.

Then it was his getting selected for Valedictorian. I was extremely excited and proud of him. I told everyone I came across. I was dating a Valedictorian, a Class President, someone whom got accepted to the most prestigious University in Japan. Even though I was happy for him, I couldn't fight back the pang of sadness that hit me every time he read his speech to me. He was such a perfectionist that it drove me crazy. But I loved it. His trashcan was filled to the brim with several drafts of his speech. I heard every single one and almost teared up during every one. I hate how emotional he makes me. But I love it.

Now he was away for the weekend, touring the campus, and I was spending the last day before finals with Haru. It would be better if we were actually doing something interesting.

"It sucks that we haven't hung out much recently. How are things going with Rin? Are you two still split-up?" I expected him to reply with bad news like the first time I asked back in February. But much to my relief, he smiled, and settled on the _Personal Preference_ K-drama.

"No. Actually, we got back together a few days ago."

I slugged him in the arm and was happy to hear an 'ow' in response. "Serves you right. How could you not tell me? Dude, that's awesome. I was about to go knock her upside the head. She'd be a fool to not want you."

Haru snorted and ruffled my hair, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "Speaking of which, will you get along with her? For my sake. I know you two had a fight..."

"So did Kagura and I. You don't see me talking to her."

He sighs and slings an arm over my shoulder, drawing me into a half-hug. "You're still mad at her about that?"

I narrowed my eyes at his tone. I mean, I know he's usually monotone, but come _on._ He could at least be a bit more sympathetic.

I folded my arms and glowered at the TV screen. "That fat pig stole my Miss A _and_ IU cd. That is just unforgivable. Plus, she still thinks I kissed Kyo. What person _doesn't_ know about my on-going rivalry with Kyo?"

Haru laughs at this and adjusts the volume on the TV. "You and Yuki really are right for each other. I'm surprised you both don't gang up on him."

My eyes light up as plots already start flooding my head. "You know...that's not such a bad idea. Maybe I can get Uo in on it too." I still haven't come up with a nickname for that chick.

Haru tilts his head at me; his grey eyes filled with more life than I'd seen in months. "When you do, let me know. I want to watch."

I smile and peck him on the cheek. "Would you expect anything less?"

XxX

Like Father, Like Daughter

It was the first week of June when Mom sprung the news on me. She was getting married the last week of November. To say I was 'shocked' would be a gross understatement. I knew Grandma eloped just last month and that Mom was dating. But news of the proposal seemed to come out of left field.

I actually liked the guy though. He was tall - not as tall as Father - but he stood at 5"10". He had jet black hair and eyes of two different colors; blue and green. It was due to some mutated gene, but it was one of the things I loved about him. Green and blue _are_ my favorite colors after all. He was pretty ripped. Actually he was a physical trainer and met Mom at the gym January this year. He was a complete bookworm and used to dream of owning a Ramen shop on the side.

But what I think won Mom over was the fact he spent time getting to know me, even when she wasn't around. That proved that he wasn't just trying to get in good with me to score points with Mom. That made me like him all the more.

And Mom looked happier and healthier. She no longer looked frail and lifeless. She was getting in shape and gaining muscle mass back. She started wearing makeup again and getting dolled up for her dates. Even when she stayed at home she looked amazing. But its like I said, my Mom's strong. It's my Father who was weak.

As for his story, I haven't spoken to him since the divorce papers were filed. I still wrote letters to Makoto, but never to him. I couldn't even bring myself to vent. It sucked up so much of my energy that I didn't want anything to do with it. On the bright side, I heard the chick he had an affair with left him for a doctor. So now he was alone in that house...by himself...like he deserved...

Then why don't I feel happy? Why do I feel bad that he's by himself?

Mom had her fiancee' (Kaede), Grandma had her random husband that I still haven't met, and I had Yuki. I should feel on top of the world. But I can't help but feel...pity for him. Weird.

By the time lunch rolls around, I still haven't shaken the feeling. So after letting Mom know where I'll be, I start in the direction of my Father's house. Well...right after getting in a smoke. Six months ago I managed to cut back on cigarettes. Yuki was my motivation to get well so I worked hard at it. He was so proud of me because I only smoked once a week now. But I was too stressed to forego one. I just hope this impromptu rendezvous isn't enough to make me backslide further.

When I arrive at the house, I raise my hand to knock, but it drops to my side in hesitation. Should I really do this? Should I let him back in my life? He chose the house over me. He never even requested visitation and shared custody...he just abandoned me. His Rumi Roo. The memory stung to the point tears filled my eyes. I wish Yuki were here with me. Then I wouldn't feel so afraid...

No. I need to do this alone. I have to...I just wish it wasn't so hard.

With a deep inhale, I raise my hand again, and knock two times. Half of me hopes he's not home. And even though I was so angry at him, the childish part of me wants him to answer the door, and be happy to see me.

Before I have a chance to run, the door swings open, and he stares down at me in bewilderment. His mouth drops open slightly and he has to grip the door for support. "...Rumi-Roo? Is that you?" I could feel the tears welling up and my chest tightening again. Crap. At the end of the day, I still loved him. No matter how badly he hurt me and Mom. I hated it.

I nod my head and curse myself for feeling mute under his gaze. He looks different and the same from the last time I saw him. He still looks like my Father, but he looked to have aged five years in the last year. He has smile lines, partially concealed by his five o'clock shadow. Odd, since he couldn't look unkempt as a lawyer. His green eyes look murky and dull, igniting only when I dared to look him dead on. His hair had grown a few inches and was disheveled and casting a shadow over his eyes.

He steps aside and gestures for me to join him. I tentatively step inside and find a place at the kitchen table while he shuts the door behind us. Sitting at the familiar wooden table brings back a fleet of memories. Celebration dinners for Makoto, family breakfasts, Mom's book club meetings. So much of my life happened here. But then, so much of it didn't.

Father sits across from me and leans back into the wooden chair. I feel unsettled by his penetrating stare so I focus my attention on the carvings in front of me. I scratched my initials into the wood and Yuki's along with it. _K.S. + Y.S. 4Ever._ It was a month into my relationship with Yuki and I was sickeningly smitten. Oh who am I kidding? I still was.

"What brings you here Rumi? Is it your Mom? She doing alright?"

Yeah, no thanks to you.

Instead I say, "Yeah, she's fine..."

I look up to see him swiping a section of dust that coats his side of the table. It must have been awhile since he's eaten here. There was no point I supposed. If he had no family to eat with and all...

I imagine holidays must have been lonely for him.

As an attempt to brighten the mood I inquire about his career. "Have you had any interesting cases lately? You used to crack us up about some things that happened in court. Especially the pesky clients. Any new war stories?"

His hand stills and his face contorts with anger. The way he looked at me, you'd think I committed murder.

"So you came over to mock me. Is that it? Your Mother told you I lost my job so she sent you to rub it in my face?!"

Now it was my turn to glare at him. "Why would I do that? Heck, why would _she_ do that? Mom wouldn't stoop that low. I didn't even know you two kept in touch. I was visiting to see if you were doing alright. But apparently, that was a horrible idea." I rose from my seat, preparing to leave, when his hand shot out and latched onto my arm.

"Wait," his voice is soft, a desperate cry for company. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I know you two wouldn't do such a thing...I've just been struggling lately. Looking for work elsewhere and trying to keep the bills paid at the same time."

I find myself sitting back down and he releases my arm. He looks like a child being sentenced to time-out as he stares at the table. "The things is, I have a weakness. For women...a Dad should never have to tell his daughter the reason he was fired was because he slept with his boss. Things went downhill fast after she caught me making out with a client I was defending and she fired me on the spot. She cited that I was constantly late and that I wasn't performing correctly at work rather than her being jealous."

Nausea punched me in the gut the more he went on.

I didn't get it, but in some twisted way...I did. In no way was I making excuses for him, but we all handled Makoto's death in the wrong ways. Mom nearly drove herself mad with worry over Dad and I, Dad had an affair, and I tried everything under the sun short of heroin. We were one screwed up family. But at least I had a better idea of why Dad did what he did. It still made me furious just thinking about it. But I could understand...to an extent.

He sniffed as he reached behind him for the box of Kleenex. "I have no one Rumi Roo. I've made so many mistakes. I know it hurt you that I didn't sign off on shared custody of you. But it wasn't because I didn't want you. It was because I didn't want you to see me like this. My downward spiral. You should never have to see me like this."

I rolled my eyes, fighting a tiny smile, as I reached for a tissue of my own. "We're all a hot mess. Well, actually, Grandma and Mom seem to have their crap together now. Grandma ran off and married someone."

At this he laughed. "Who?"

I shook my head and plucked another Kleenex. "No one knows..."

He nodded and the smile faltered, "And your Mom? Does she have a gentleman caller too?"

I groan and rub my temples. "Why are you so...old? Gentleman caller? Really. And yes, she does. Or, fiancee' that is. She seems _really_ happy. I promise I'm not trying to taunt you."

His lips twitch slightly and he pushes the box of tissues aside. "Good. She ought to be. Your Mom deserves everything good in the world. She should get as far away from me as she can. I'd only taint her more."

I bite my bottom lip and although my thoughts protest, I reach across the table and take his hand in my own. He flashes a grateful smile in my direction as tears roll down his cheeks. "Thank you for doing this...I've missed you Kurumi. I've missed you and your brother both," his smile drops as he rubs his thumb across my hand. "I'm so sorry for how I've disrespected you and your Mom. I need help so...I'm seeing a therapist now."

A smile tugs at my lips, and this time, I let it. "Oh? You're seeing a shrink now too?"

He nods. "Dr. Kira. She's usually a family therapist, but she said that she would make an exception."

I cock my head to the side in curiosity. "Why's that?"

"She said I look so pathetic that she has no choice but to help me."

This time I laugh. I laugh for the first time in this house in a year. He laughs for the first time in months. We smile at one another for the first time since last year. And right when I'm about to head back home, we hug for the first time...ever. Now that the curse is broken, I can finally say that I've hugged my Father.

Even though things weren't perfect between us, and he needed to apologize to Mom if he hadn't already, I wanted him in my life. I wanted to help him find a new job and to see him during the holidays. I would still need time to warm up to him again and for him to regain my trust. But I missed him and loved him. I guess Rumi-Roo can't help it.

XxX

Lay Your Burdens Down

Months passed since my conversation with Dad. Now it was the third week of November and Mom was putting the finishing touches on her wedding. After grueling months of china selection, center pieces, hiring caterers, and booking a chapel; it would all soon be over.

Back in July, Dad finally sought out Mom's forgiveness and offered his congratulations on her engagement. After a month of struggling and self-debate, she decided to invite him to the ceremony. He agreed and said he looked forward to attending. In August, he finally managed to secure a position at a new Law Firm. This one only had male employees, just as Dr. Kira suggested.

I spent the entire month of August with Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru. All three decided to attend the same University and it was only an hour by car. That meant I could still see them on weekends.

I asked him if he chose Tokyo U to stay close-by, but he denied it. I didn't believe him. He knew that if I found out I was the reason behind his school choice, I'd feel bad. Sure he might have been right...but why get bogged down in the details?

Anyway, that month came and went; as did September and October. Next thing I know, Mom's a week away from being remarried, and I'm a week away from having a Step-Father.

Right now I'm seated on Mom's bed while she's on the phone with Grandma.

"Yes Mom, we already picked a location for the honeymoon...no! I promise you he's a perfect gentleman...yes, it took three months for you to meet him. But at least you have. I still haven't met the man you married. Alright I'm gonna go, Kurumi wants to talk to me about something...yes I'll relay the message. Bye Mom." She puts the phone back into its cradle and turns toward me.

But instead of passing on Grandma's message, she just smiles at me, without saying anything. Apparently Grandma said something she didn't want to repeat. Typical. That old hag.

Mom crosses her arms and takes a seat beside me. "So, what seems to be the trouble? Is it Yuki? You need pointers on sex?"

"Mom!" I exclaim, mortified that she would even ask. But then it dawns on me that she's still in the dark about me. She still doesn't know about who I used to be and all that I used to do. I originally just wanted to talk to her about whether she was nervous about getting married and trying again. But now, I knew that we needed to talk about something else.

I wring my hands and stare at the blue carpeting to avoid meeting her eyes. Then, before I have a chance to back out, I tell her everything. I tell her about the nasty habits I accumulated over the past two years. I tell her about losing my virginity three months after losing Makoto. I tell her about the drinking and smoking. In hopes of softening the blow, I let her know that I no longer smoke, I only have a drink every now and then, and I haven't slept with anyone since March last year.

She doesn't do anything but nod occasionally and give an 'mhm' as she listens. When I finish, I shut my eyes, fearing her reaction. I expected her to be outraged, disgusted, disappointed, or all of the above. But instead, she smiles softly, and wraps her arms around me. My eyes fly open at the sudden contact. That was the _last_ thing I thought she would do. But the surprises don't stop there, because she says, "I know. I've known for awhile baby."

I go stick straight at her admittance. How? How could she have known? I thought I was careful...then again, in my amateur days I did slip up a bit. I would get home - hammered of course - and stumbling up the stairs. I would be surprised if I hadn't woken the entire house. I thought Grandma was the only one that knew. How she found out is still a mystery to me.

"I know, because I checked on you that night you got home from the party. On Makoto's birthday. Your Father was asleep - it was nearly two in the morning then - I was in the kitchen drinking tea and looking through photo albums." Tears sting my eyes and I swallow the lump forming in my throat.

"I heard the front door open and watched as you staggered upstairs and to your room. I followed you up to see if you were okay, but you passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow. I smelled the liquor on your breath and knew what you were up to. I just didn't know about the smoking and sleeping around..." I bury my nose into her neck and my bottom lip quivers. Remorse and affliction once again circle one another within me and make their way into my heart. Just as they always did.

"Why didn't you talk to me about it Kurumi? Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice is so broken and sad. Her tears splash against my forehead and she hugs me tighter.

I shake my head, wanting so badly to eradicate the guilt, and make her smile again. "I don't know how. I don't know how to be open with people. But I'm learning. I'm so sorry Mom...I'm so sorry that you have to put up with me. I wish I didn't do those things."

She leans back slightly and looks at me, her eyes blue eyes fierce and firm. "I don't 'put up' with you Kurumi. I cherish you and love caring for you. I am blessed to have the opportunity of being your Mom. I love you so much...you aren't a burden to me. I just wish you turned to me instead of those things. But I don't want you feeling guilty over things you can't change. We have all messed up in one way or another. None of us handled...none of us dealt with Makoto's death the right way. But instead of harping on past mistakes, we should learn, and work to change. We should press on to what's ahead rather than looking back. Okay?"

I bob my head and reciprocate her embrace. "Okay."

XxX

A Princess For The Prince

Not long after; Haru, Momiji, and I graduate highschool. After years of learning useless information, I've finally completed school, and with honors. Thanks to Yuki, I was able to get AB honor roll for the first time. For once I wasn't ashamed of my report card. What a weird feeling.

Haru and Momiji both received good marks and were just as ecstatic about the end of school as I was.

During senior year I rejoined Student Council and was elected President in Yuki's place. Something that surprised me more than him. Haru and I chose to skip Prom and instead spent the night pulling pranks and watching movies at his place. After graduation, we went to the ice skating rink for old time's sake, and Momiji decided to tag along.

Now it was the first week of June and Yuki and I had the whole summer together before he went back to University. Momiji would also be attending Tokyo U, but Haru and I weren't. He was planning to get a place with Rin and work towards attending a trade school. I wanted to take a year off to travel a bit before settling back in to a school. The 15th of August, I would be on my way to Australia. Not long after that; Paris, London, South Africa, and L.A. I'd yet to really experience the world outside of Tokyo and France, and wanted to see more of it. Well, the good parts anyway.

But right now, Yuki had me blindfolded, and was leading to me places unknown. He said he had a surprise for me and that I had to trust him. And of course, I did.

After half an hour, we stop, and I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, "Okay. You can look now."

I snort and cross my arms. "Kind of hard with a blindfold silly."

He chuckles and unties the satin material. I open my eyes and my mouth drops open at the sight. It was the grassy area beneath the stony bridge and a picnic has been setup. A familiar picnic basket, a red checkered blanket, plates, silverware, and the works are laid out neatly. It's so picturesque I almost don't want to touch it. The vibrant colors of the sky reflected against the water appear like stained glass. The sky is a myriad of hues of pinks, purples, and blues, just like that afternoon on the curb. When he found me and life returned to me.

We both take a seat on the blanket and stare out at the lake before us. It was crystal clear and many fishes could be seen swimming about. It was true serenity taking in the sun's warmth and each other's presence with the beautiful backdrop the sunset provided. With the way Bluejays chirped and other birds chorused, you'd think it was straight out of those cheesy movies I don't like. But because it was Yuki, I couldn't stop smiling.

Our meal of Teryaki and Soba Noodles consists of small talk and random things, just as it always did.

"If you had to grow out facial hair, which would you pick; a beard or goatee?"

He shakes his head in amusement and dabs at my lips with a napkin. "You ask some...interesting questions. I suppose a beard. I don't really think I'd look right with either one."

"Oh come on, that's not-" before I could protest further, the picture came to mind. He was right, it would be weird on him. "Okay, maybe not a beard or goatee. Or a mustache. But what about stubble? That might look sexy on you."

He flushes at my words and reaches for a can of cream soda. But instead of drinking directly from it, he pours it into a glass. I guess old habits died hard with this one.

"I-It would?"

I laugh and take a swig of his drink. "Now you sound like Tohru. Yes, I think you might look nice with a little something."

He clears his throat and downs the rest of the cream soda. His entire disposition changes and his hands are trembling as he searches the picnic basket for something. I find myself smiling at what it might be. Another energy drink? Probably, knowing his track record. He knows the way to my heart like no one else.

But instead of retrieving a can of Red Bull, he holds a small red velvet box in his hand. My heart speeds up at the realization of what it truly is as he raises up on one knee. His face is redder than the tomatoes in his secret base as he gauges my reaction. "I've searched far and wide for a Tanzanite. It wasn't easy to find it because it is rare and precious, but I refused to give up. I had it carved and engraved so that it could be set and placed on a silver band. Because you detest gold and love silver."

I keep my eyes locked on his, too stunned to look at the ring box.

"It wasn't easy finding a gem that could compare to your beauty...but I found one that is halfway as beautiful." He tears his eyes away from mine and fixates his gaze on the box. "If it wasn't for you, I would still be in the dark...I was damaged property but you still wanted to be with me anyway. You didn't let how broken I was stand in the way of being with me. I want to guard and protect you Kurumi. I know that you can take care of yourself, but will you let me take care of you sometimes? I know that you are strong and at the ready for anything...but will you let me protect you sometimes? Because of how rare you are and how precious, I know that I want to keep you for myself. I feel selfish for not wanting to share you with anyone else, but I just want you. You are my Tanzanite. My Fire...and my Princess." He pops the box open and his gaze slides back up to meet mine. "I love you Kurumi. Will you marry me?"

He bared his soul to me and shared his heart. His proposition made me happy...but it really only served to confound me. I feel so confused about what to do. I was terrified of such a deep commitment and being bound to someone in such a way. I was petrified of what it would mean to live with him. I was overwhelmed with a need to run. To stop time. To not think. I just couldn't...I couldn't do it. I loved him so much but I couldn't. That's why it nearly killed me to say-

"I'm sorry..." I gently closed the box and rose to my feet. Scared of what his reaction might be, I ran and ran. I ran as far as I could get. I fled from his sadness. I escaped the look of confusion and disappointment. I couldn't do it...I couldn't get married. I was scared.

XxX

Yuki sets foot onto the stoop of Kurumi's Grandmother's house and knocks politely. Several thoughts race through his head as he waits and waits. He practiced his speech over and over. He even practiced on Haru the night before. But nothing could have prepared him to face the rejection that he just did. He didn't understand. Kurumi said she loved him and he could see it. He could see the affection in her eyes solely reserved for him. He could hear the softness to her tone where there was once edge. So why did she turn him down? Why now?

The door flies open and his heart flutters with hope of it being Kurumi. But instead its her Grandma. She dyed her hair again so that it was scarlet rather than bright green. Her blue eyes were defiled by the crease of wrinkles and filled with disapproval. She looked puny from the top, but her body flared out at the hips, and her shape was thicker from her thighs to her shin. She fluffs her hair and steps aside. "You coming in or what?" Her voice is gruff and demanding causing Yuki to straighten. He bows out of habit before stepping inside and following her to the living room area.

A man - not much older than her - is napping in a worn recliner, while an old black and white film is on the TV. Her Grandma plops down on the mint green sofa and goes back to her game of Candy Crush as if Yuki isn't there.

He stands there awkwardly watching the scene, wishing Kurumi would be home soon. _Where could she be?_

"Take a seat boy. We'll talk right after I beat this level," Grandma Rae's fingers tap the screen with rapid speed and she selects a booster. Yuki stiffly sits next to her and occupies himself with observing the photographs that adorn the walls.

One is of Kurumi and her Grandpa. He's dressed from head to toe in fishing gear and Kurumi is holding up a trout in both hands. She's grinning from ear to ear, one of her incisors missing, having just lost her last baby tooth the night before. The irony isn't lost on him. It intrigues Yuki because he was well aware of her hatred for fish.

Another is of Kurumi's Mom - Kichi - and she's dressed for prom, doing the generic couple pose with her prom date; a man that was her first steady boyfriend.

The last is more recent. Its a group picture taken at Kichi's wedding. Kurumi, as the maid-of-honor, is dressed in a beautiful lavender, and is standing on her Mom's right. Her Father is off to the side, with a small smile, and the rest of the Sohmas are making silly faces or just smiling.

"What did you come here for? Did Kurumi screw up?" Rae's questions snaps Yuki out of his stupor and he glances up. "Um. I...I apologize for not asking for your blessing. But I proposed to your Granddaughter this evening."

Rae snorted and tossed her phone aside. "Let me guess, she turned you down?"

Incredulous at her accuracy, he decides on nodding in acknowledgement.

She shakes her head, and slides her glasses off, rubbing the lenses with a nearby cloth. "Don't take it personally. She's just scared like her Mother was. Tell me, has she had a hard time telling you things?"

He bobs his head and stares down at his feet.

Rae slips her glasses back on and leans back into the couch. With a deep sigh she continues, "She's afraid of making our mistakes. Her Mom and I married idiots. But you, my dear, are not an idiot. You're very bright and you seem like quite the young man."

He flushes at her compliment and finds the courage to look up again.

"There's no need to be patient with her. Just knock some sense into her, she'll be alright...if that doesn't work, then she's not as smart as I thought. This better not leave this room...but I do love that girl. And I don't want our screw ups to keep her from being happy. You are what makes her happy. Don't give up on her, no matter how stubborn she may be. In the end she'll come around. Just keep at it."

As soon as the words leave her lips, the front door opens, and in steps Kurumi.

Her eyes land on Yuki and she bolts up the stairs faster than he's ever seen her run.

Yuki looks to Rae, wondering if he should go after her. And it isn't long before he runs after her, knowing that he should follow her, and always will for the rest of their lives. He couldn't let her go. After all, Tanzanites were rare. He'd never find another.

XxX

I sit cross-legged on my bed, once again eyeing the swear jar, and the cents I just added to it. What was Yuki doing here? Didn't he get it? I didn't want to be married.

My fuming is interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. Of course I knew who it was. Mom knocked more persistently and Grandma just barged right on in. Yuki was the only one patient and kind enough to knock so softly.

With a sigh of exasperation, I spring up, and yank the door open. Without any words passing between us, I let him in, and reclaim my seat. I feel him sink down beside me but refuse to look at him. It would be so much easier to get rid of him if he were a jerk. Why does he have to be so nice? Any other guy would have taken my rejection as a blow to their ego and go sleep with someone else to "redeem themselves." But not Yuki. He followed me even though I deserted him...I truly didn't deserve him.

After a few more moments of listening to the hum of the air filter, he takes my hand in both of his, and beckons me to look him in the eyes.

"Kurumi, does the idea of marriage bother you? Or the idea of being married to me?"

His question felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my head. I was stunned that he doubted my love for him and my desire to be with him. But I guess my actions would have done that to even the most arrogant.

I quickly shook my head. "No Yuki. I want to be with you...I just don't want to be married. Can't we keep things as they are? Why do we need to be more than we already are?"

His voice was as gentle as his nature, "Because we _can_ be more than we are. Our relationship is wonderful, I'm not trying to diminish it, or say that its not enough...but it doesn't feel like it is enough. Kurumi, we could be closer than we are. Don't you want to share everything?"

"We do that now."

"Its not the same. If we were married, we could see each other every day. From the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep at night. Don't you want to wake up to me every morning?"

I nodded aggressively as I could, "Of course I do."

"Because I want that for us. I want to tell you everything about me and hear everything about you. I want to make breakfast in bed for you every morning, even thought it won't be quality food. I still would like to try."

I giggle at the thought. "More like burnt...but I do like the idea of you cooking for me. I can see you in one of those puffy chef hats Tohru has."

He shifts so that his hip is pressed against mine and he intertwines his hand with my own. "Will you try then? For me?"

I duck my head down, sadness and fear prodding me, and sending me in a daze. I don't know a way to make him understand without explaining. It was times like this that made me wish he _could_ read my mind.

"I just...I don't want to be a divorcee at thirty like my Mom. Or split up with my husband years and years after I've already had grandchildren. I don't get how people can plan their wedding for months, throw together some bull for a vow, be vulnerable with that person, and then months or years later screw someone else. I don't want that to happen to us."

Yuki taps me on the nose, "But you are not your Father Kurumi."

"But I'm like him and you know it. You know about what I used to-"

"It doesn't matter what you used to do," he cuts in sharply, his eyes daring me to say otherwise. "What matters is who you are now. Not what you once were."

I was so tired of crying and feeling guilt and pain all the time. I was sick of being bothered by old habits that were no longer part of me. Its been so hard to put it behind me. With constant flashbacks and memories of how I shamelessly offered my body to people I didn't even know. Sleeping with girls' boyfriends and drinking myself into a coma in hopes of forgetting the horrible person that I was. I wanted to start over and to actually be with one person. And only one. I didn't want to wake up in anyone else's bed but mine and Yuki's. I just wanted him...

Even though the thought of commitment freaked me out, it was like I told Kisa; I have to be willing to do it afraid. Its better to face things than to live life like a coward.

I turn so that I face him directly and capture his lips with my own. I smile and murmur against his lips, "Word on the street is you have a ring for me...can I wear it?"

XxX

Dial 911

Two nights before the wedding, the girls decided to throw my Bachelorette party at a nightclub. They rented out the entire place just for the event. And by girls, I mean: Tohru, Uo, and Hana. They had to trick Rin and Kagura into coming. I thought about letting bygones be bygones and finally burying the hatchet. I really was about to...until Kagura arrived on the scene. She scrunched her nose up and narrowed her eyes at me. "Why is that tramp here?"

Of course I wasn't just gonna let her trash talk me like that. I stomped over and got _all_ up in her grill. "I could ask you the same thing, you uncultured swine." That's right, I put the broad in her place. Neck roll included. She always managed to bring the ratchet out of me.

She looked at me like, 'Oh no you didn't.'

And I was like, 'Oh yes I di-id.'

Just before things got ugly up in here, Uo stepped in and restrained us both. "Cool it you two. If you're gonna fight...do it tomorrow. I bet people would pay to see you two duke it out. But for tonight, try to chill out so we can enjoy the party. If you won't do it for yourselves, do it for Tohru. She's a step away from a melt down." Looking in the riceball's direction, she does look like she'll collapse any moment. The poor girl.

It's not my fault Kagura brought her mess. Apparently, my reputation of how I dealt with fangirls had yet to reach her.

With a sigh of resignation, I extend a hand, and shake Kagura's. "Truce?"

She rolls her eyes but agrees. "Truce. But only for tonight."

Uo claps her hands, "Ok then. Now that that's settled, kick back and enjoy the show Ringpop."

I looked at Rin, then at Hana, and back at Uo in confusion. "Show? What show?"

Suddenly, two men burst through the curtains, and stand directly in front of us. Hana and Uo instruct me to sit in a wooden stool and the two men strike poses. One of them is dressed like a firefighter, and the other a policeman. With a mix of horror and delight, I come to the realization that these men are strippers.

The firefighter slings a toy hose around like a lasso and winks at me. "Excuse me miss, but you must be on fire. Cause you're smokin baby!"

Wow...

The police officer breaks out his handcuffs and twirls them on his index finger. "I'm gonna have to put you under arrest. Because your body's killer!"

Rin groans in disgust as she takes a sip from her Martini glass. I can't help but silently concur with her opinion of their script. Seriously. Who wrote that junk?

Tohru yelps from the back of the room and shields her eyes as the Firefighter begins removing his bright orange jacket. Uo flips on the stereo and American R&B blares from its speakers as the men striptease.

The police officer gyrates his hips and tosses his badge into my lap. The firefighter sets his helmet onto my head and I tuck money into his suspenders. The officer tips his hat as he continues his erotic dance. Hana looks on in silence, Uo is helping me cheer them on and catcalling, Rin bangs her head against the countertop, Kagura is just staring in shock, and Tohru passed out the moment the Police Officer took off his shirt.

In the end, I had a great time, and even got Kagura to loosen up a little with a few drinks. Tohru came to after the strippers left and just sipped on the ice water Hana gave her for the rest of the night. Rin, Uo, and I spent the rest of the night dancing, too drunk to even comprehend what was happening.

And that was how my bachelorette party went down in history. Weird. Surprising. But incredible just the same.

XxX

Wedding Bells

Yuki and I tied the knot in December; three days short of Christmas. A blanket of snow covered the ground and snowflakes of different shapes and sizes whisked through the air as we said our vows. We were married in the park because of the good and bad that happened here.

It was where we had our first picnic, the day after ice skating. It was where Yuki found me shivering in the cold and brought me to Shigure's. It was where we had our first kiss, two weeks into our relationship. It was also where I passed out, drunk and in despair. It wasn't a happy memory, but it was one I clung to among the others. It was the last time I slept with anyone. It was a moment of revelation where I realized I wanted better. I wanted more than one night stands and morning hangovers. Who would have thought a place with benches and a playground could make so many memories?

We commissioned Namagashi bakery to create the wedding cake. It was five tiers and double fudge with chocolate icing. Tohru signed on to help with catering and being my Maid of Honor. Kisa was the flower girl and tossed purple roses as she walked up the aisle with Hiro alongside her. Yes, I even included the brat. Rin, Kagura, Hana, and Uo were bridesmaids, Haru was Yuki's best man, and because Kyo lost a bet to me, he had to see to all the other wedding details, like stringing cans to the car that would take us to the airport.

Everyone was there except Shigure's new girlfriend. She didn't really care for "traditional" wedding ceremonies.

My Mom and Step-Dad sat on the bride's side with Grandma and her husband right behind them. Even though we met him, Grandma still refused to reveal his name or anything about him. She's an old battle axe and she gets on my nerves...but I love her.

My Dad agreed to giving me away. The moment I looped my arm through his, I felt my stomach clench, and sadness hit me tenfold. And as the Bridal Chorus swelled, I knew the beginning of a life outside of the one with my parents was nearing, and I would soon be a wife. Yeah, that thought sounded strange to me too.

The priest inquired who was giving me away. But Dad was too choked up to say the words, so I spoke for him, "He does..." Before he returned to his seat, I hugged him and whispered, "Thank you Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, Rumi-Roo."

I'd like to say the wedding was smooth sailing, but it was a Sohma wedding after all. Haru fumbled with the ring box when handing it to Yuki, Kyo flicked Hiro in the head and he smacked him back, Tohru attempted stepping between them, Kagura chased Kyo up that Cherry Blossom Tree yet again, Rin popped an ibuprofen, Ayame and Shigure frolicked through the park, and Hatori looked to be one step away from hitting the bottle.

But overall, I did enjoy myself. I felt different. Not slightly, but monumentally different.

Yuki was my husband.

I was Yuki's wife...

He was my constant.

And I was his Tanzanite.

XxX

The Honeymoon Phase

We honeymooned in Hawaii. It was official, we were complete cliche's. But in case anyone asked I'd deny the whole thing.

After our plane landed, I had a serious case of jet lag, and wanted nothing more than to crash. Not literally, I mean sleep...not have the plane crash. That would just suck.

Since we weren't at the new apartment, Yuki decided to carry me over the threshold of our cabin, even though we were both on the brink of sleep.

Our cabin had a beautiful view of sparkly blue ocean water. Palm trees lined the white sand beaches and provided shade for the island's visitors. It was warm and tropical, even near the end of December.

Yuki set me down on the white King sized bed and lied down beside me. The bed felt like a cloud...the memory foam and soft bedding were so soft and comfortable, I wondered if I would ever be able to get up. There was a whole beach to explore and luau's to attend. But the only way I'd get up now would be if Yuki forced me to.

His sigh of pleasure tells me that he shares in my sentiment. "I don't think I want to leave."

I roll over and he takes me in his arms. My heart is thudding and thumping in my ears so loud I almost can't hear myself. "We don't have to...you have me."

He flips over so that I end up on top of him, and I straddle his waist, and place my hands on his chest. His hands grab for my hips and he adjusts himself beneath me. "Yes...I do...do you remember what I told you Princess?" The new name he gave me used to bother me at first. I found it ironic that he used to hate being known as "The Prince" but I think he just surrendered to the title as time went on. I originally thought the name to be cheesy. But now I loved it...I knew that it held great meaning. From the adoring inflection of his voice to the love and admiration in his eyes. I knew that he treasured me and thought of me as precious. He reminded every day in case I'd forgotten. Every day until the moment we said 'I do.'

And now, being alone together, our dynamic shifts once again This time for the better. I'm closer to him that I'd ever been and I realized that I dropped my walls long ago. I told myself that I would never let him in again, but in my heart of hearts, I knew it was inevitable. The moment we kissed for the first time, he left his mark on me, and I belonged to him ever since.

I replay his question and roll it over in my mind. Its seconds before I remember. "That you wanted us to be eachother's firsts...but now-"

"Now, I want to be eachother's best. Its not my first time and it isn't yours. But the best time can be more special than the first. I want to feel you and for you to feel me...but I want what I do to you to stay with you forever. I don't want you to forget or regret a single thing I do to you." For the first time, I find myself blushing at his blunt statement.

I lean into him and kiss him on the nose. "I don't think I could forget..."

This time, he initiates the kiss, and takes my bottom lip between his teeth. A chill ripples up my spine and my breath hitches as his hands inch down to my thighs. I knew what was going to happen. And before I knew it, the idea of sleeping was forgotten. And even though we both had sex before, neither of us ever made love. Not until now. All we knew were perverse imitations and loveless movements. Neither of us knew the emotions that lovemaking stirred. Neither of us knew that our hearts being involved, along with our bodies, would feel this amazing. But it did. And this time, I didn't have to share him, and he didn't have to share me.

We just had eachother. And as he filled me, I felt whole for the first time, instead of empty.

XXX

Fruits Of Labor

Yuki rushes into the hospital, and Haru pushes me in a wheel chair, trailing behind him. My contractions were close together and I already felt like I was dying. I didn't even want to think about what the actual birth would feel like. I first found out I was pregnant a month after our honeymoon. I had done my traveling before Yuki and I were married, and was planning to go to school after the excitement died down. But then, to my surprise, I was late. I accidentally skipped a dosage of birth control and wound up pregnant before either of us intended to be. But even though it wasn't a part of the original plan, I warmed up to the idea, even though I was facing a new fear; being a Mom. When I started browsing bookstores for children's books, I came across Goldilocks and The Three Bears. Then it hit me; my nickname for Uo was Goldilocks. I counted it as a small victory.

Yuki and I chose Tohru to be the godmother and for Haru to be the godfather. Kyo was irritated that the "dumb bovine" was chosen over him, but after seeing Tohru wigging out and feeling bad about being chosen, he decided to let it go. There were many things I could say about Kyo - negative things - but he had one redeeming quality; his love and care for Tohru.

During the second trimester, I had my first ultrasound, and amniocentesis. We both agreed to not know the gender until the actual birth, so we stuck to gender neutral colors for the nursery.

Tohru, Uo, and Hana threw me a baby shower just the week before. Kisa, Rin, and Kagura showed up, but for once, it wasn't a complete hot mess. Although some of the games were weird. One was called "Pass The Dirty Diaper." It was basically a game of hot potato with a diaper filled with melted chocolate. Music played while it was passed around the circle, and whenever the music ended, whoever had it lost. It sounded disgusting but it actually turned out to be fun. And the best part, Kagura always lost first. Then we had a baby food eating contest. I haven't been able to look at mashed bananas the same way since. They all pitched in by purchasing a stroller, diapers, toys, and DVDs that teach babies colors, shapes, and numbers. And of course, being nine months pregnant, I burst into tears of gratitude. I swore them to secrecy so they wouldn't tell anyone that I cried. But that didn't stop Kagura from blabbing about it to Kyo and Haru. They'll never let me live that one down.

But now, after a week past my due date, it was finally time. Even though the pain was nearly killing me, I at least had the amusing distraction of seeing Yuki out of his element for once. He was wearing two different shoes and his hair was messy from him running his hands through it out of apprehension.

The woman at the front desk, knowing that his wife was about to deliver, had the gall to flirt with him! If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd snatch her bald.

"Can we get a room please?"

After several failed attempts at flirting, the woman rolls her eyes, and hands him a sheet of paper. "A doctor will take her to room 302 for prep. Fill out this form and let them know if she will be going natural or using an epidural."

He nods and silently rejoins us. Haru offers a smile of an encouragement right as the doctor walks through the double doors. And as I was wheeled off to my doom, I prayed that I wouldn't need a c-section, or I'd never let Yuki touch me again. Who was I kidding? I was already considering that with the pain I was in.

XxX

"Congratulations Mr and Mrs Sohma, you have a healthy baby girl."

A healthy baby girl. Those four words echoed in my mind over and over again. A healthy baby girl. I liked those four words. Who knew that one sentence could make me so happy? That four words could bring such relief? Those that six syllables made the last painful seventeen hours worth it.

The doctor instructs Yuki on how to snip the umbilical cord, and shortly after cleaning her, and taking her weight, our daughter is placed into my arms.

Yuki takes a seat beside me and reaches for her. Even though her eyes are closed, her chubby hand lightly grazes his index finger, and he gently takes her hand in his. I almost teared up at the sight. I blame the hormones for that one. But really, it was just cute.

I look up at him, and peace washes over me as he smiles back. "What are you thinking we should name her?"

"Her middle name should be Rumi. The nickname your Father gave you."

I roll my eyes but am secretly pleased with his suggestion. "Okay. I think I have a first name...Mako, in honor of my brother. So that every time she smiles, it will be as if Makoto is smiling, and bring us both joy."

Yuki kisses Mako on her button nose and nods. "That's a beautiful name."

A nurse records her name on the birth certificate and Dr Ichimi declares, "Weighing in at five pounds and eight ounces is Mako Rumi Sohma. You both have beautiful baby."

I can't help but joke, "I bet you say that to all the new parents."

Our doctor smiles warmly and chuckles. "That'll be our secret."

Eventually, everyone stops by to visit the newest Sohma, and take turns cooing over her.

Ayame and Shigure are the first to arrive.

Ayame guffaws as he slings his arm over Yuki's shoulder. "Looks like she got her looks from me! I can't wait to dress her up. Like my own personal paper doll."

Yuki looks on with a tight smile. "Not if you're not alive to do so." But even Ayame's flamboyancy didn't annoy him too much. He just wasn't willing to admit how glad he was that Ayame was trying to be a part of his life, no matter how many times he tried shutting him out.

Shigure couldn't help but throw his two cents in, "What a beautiful flower. Be sure to keep an eye on this one Yuki, she'll have every guy after her one day."

Yuki cracked his knuckles, "I hope that guy isn't you..."

The dog sweatdrops and backs away slowly, before racing out of the room and down the hallway.

Haru promised to teach her how to ride a motorcycle (when she turned 16), Kisa and Tohru commented on her beauty, Rin complimented her long lashes, Kagura begrudgingly admitted that she was cute, Uo and Hana were curious about what giving birth was like, Hiro and Kyo were just glad that the baby "didn't turn out ugly." Hatori checked over her health; his own way of showing that he cared. And my parents and Grandma all marveled and snapped pictures of Mako. Everyone couldn't wait to get a chance to hold her, even Hiro.

Before I knew it, it was late in the evening, and visiting hours were over. After everyone had been ushered out, it just left the three of us. My eyelids felt like lead and I settled into the hospital bed, yearning for rest. I fall asleep watching Mako in her basin beside me. Yuki holds me until he too succumbs to his own exhaustion. The last thought on my mind...was bliss. Pure and unadulterated bliss. A high that no cigarette or energy drink could ever top.

XxX

Unbroken

"Mako! Come here, we need to get you dressed," I was chasing after three year old Mako, attempting to get her dressed for the Sohma family reunion. But of course, she wasn't making it easy on me. And to think, they call it terrible twos. Whoever came up with that never met Mako. I wondered if children _ever_ grew out of that phase.

She giggles and falls on Yuki's feet, wrapping her chubby legs around his ankle. "Daddy! Up! Up!"

Yuki chuckles and lifts her up, spinning her around. She squeals in delight as he brings her in for landing, and sits down, with Mako in his lap.

I place my hands on my hips and try to fight a smile. "You have Daddy wrapped around your finger, don't you Mako?"

"Yes," she squeaks, clapping her hands and giggling.

Taking advantage of her being in one place, I slip a turquoise dress over her head, and Yuki helps slide her feet into white dress socks. I've watched the two of them together, and I still can't help but think of how amazing it was. There would be no curse for Mako to ever worry about. She could hug anyone she liked without fear. She would never know the chains that we were kept in for so long...she was free and always would be.

"Is that baka neko coming?" Yuki's voice snaps me out of my reverie and I can't help but beam at him.

"Yup. I can't believe you guys still fight after all this time."

Yuki scoffs and places a green bow in Mako's blue hair. "Your rivalry with him is just as strong as mine."

I simply shrug and laugh. He did have a point there.

"I should probably start getting ready. Will you watch her while I shower?" He asks, already placing Mako in my lap before I even answer. But I didn't mind. I loved Mako and always had the urge to hug and kiss her all the time anyway.

Wow...being a Mom really _has_ changed me. It was still weird to even call myself one. I guess there are some things you never get used to.

"Mama do that too?" Mako asks, her bright purple eyes looking up at me.

I smirk at her innocent question. I look directly at Yuki as I say, "Yeah. Mama loves it. Just like Daddy. It's one of our favorite things to do."

Yuki turns fifty shades of pink before ducking into the bathroom. I don't even bother trying to stifle my laugh when I hear the water running.

Mako plays with my hair and my heart melts. The ice around my heart melted every time she smiled at me. Yuki's love chipped away at it, but with Mako, it dissipated completely.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror above the dresser. I don't do it out of a sense of pride, but to remind myself. Some moments I was tempted to revert back to some of my old ways. When times were tough. The anniversary of Makoto's death and his birthday, when Mako woke up in the middle of the night crying, or when Yuki and I had our first fight as a married couple. It was over something petty and stupid but it was enough to scare me. It made me think back to why I was so afraid to get married in the first place. I thought about the ways I used to deal with pain...but then I would look and see Mako in her crib, and I'd recall the reason I gave it up. I wanted to be a better person for Yuki, for Mako. But I also wanted to be better for myself.

Now as I look in the mirror, and I see myself holding Mako, someone created from Yuki and I...that I had someone as beautiful as Mako. And I remember. I am no longer broken. I am no longer the girl I was. I'm just Kurumi. And thanks to my husband, my parents, my friends, and my daughter...I was whole.

The past no longer mattered.

The End

* * *

 **I'm curious to see if anyone survived this lengthy chapter. Were there any causalities? Let me know if you're still alive in a review ;D I'm only kidding of course haha**

 **I bet I used the words 'cry,' 'tear,' 'pain,' and 'sadness' twenty times throughout this chapter lol**

 **Thank You all for reading this story! Especially those that have been here from the very beginning. Even when I didn't entirely know what I was doing (having never really written for Yuki before), your reviews encouraged and motivated me to push myself. I've never put as much effort and thought into a story as I have this one.**

 **It was new and challenging but it was completely fun and enjoyable!**

 **I once again apologize for the mushy parts. I just hope I didn't go overboard with them. If I did, you all have excuse to push me out the window. Y'know, like Akito did to Rin...just a suggestion :)**

 **The High Queen Of Angst: That was all por vous Queenie :D The death of Akito was inspired by you :p Actually I had her death in mind for some time. But ah well, let me be sappy xD Of course you don't need light hearted moments ;) But I'm glad you enjoyed the story from start to finish! Thank you for writing and sharing your stories with me. The depth and humor (dark as it may be) have helped make me want to become a better writer. Your characters are always well developed and with layers that it makes us want to read more and more of your work. So thank you for being apart of this by letting me bounce ideas off you and using Kurumi in a story with your beloved character :D**

 **Kuramasgirl19769: Although I don't plan to make a sequel, I hope you did enjoy the bits and pieces I did show! :D Thank you for sticking by this story along with the others I've written. You've been around since I wrote "Mood Swings" and "Bruised Heart" and watched as I've worked to improve my plotlines, characters, and grammar. I thank you for your continued support and the opportunity to collab with you! I'm still learning how to work with other writers to create something beautiful, and I'm glad that you're the first I've been able to work with. I just hope that I can improve in time! Thank you for faithfully reviewing and reading every chapter, and many stories, no matter the quality or length of them. ^_^**

 **SweetLiars: Thank you for your hilarious reviews and support of the YukixKurumi pairing! It was my first time pairing him with an OC, and I'm glad that you challenged me to do that rather than putting her with Haru. It put me out of my comfort zone as I learned his rhythm and how to characterize him. Thanks to you, I've created a relationship between two characters that I adore, and have a newfound love for Yuki. Thank you for your kind words and for your own writing! I admire your writing capabilities and humor and hope you continue forward with it. :D**

 **Em: Nice pun haha xD Thank you for reading this story and I hope this chapter was just as enjoyable! Your review made me smile and I'm very thankful that you stopped by to read, even near the end! ^.^**

 **I hope you all liked and will be seeing you for Incognito and hopefully future stories. Baiii :3**


	16. Chapter 16: Here's Looking At You

**A surprise for those of you that enjoyed "Mirror, Mirror" as much as I did.**

 **I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

I close the car door with a bang, ushering Mako inside the gas station.

Her eyes are filled with wonder and awe as she stares at the rows and rows of candy; reminiscent of Haru and motorcycles and Kyo and catnip.

While she's occupied with staring at sour gummy worms, I'm once again captivated by the shelves of energy drinks in the cold area. I start for their direction when she tugs on my hand, pulling me towards the multicolored snack, and squealing, "Mama! Candy. Can I get some?"

I smile because she's four and that meant I still had 14 years left with my sweet girl; 14 years to enjoy her bright and bubbly spirit, and to watch her grow. I hope that she'll never stop being the sunshine I've known her to be, but I know that there are some constants that can never remain unchanging. Because she'll eventually become older and with age comes moments that make and break you.

And every day I pray that she won't travel the same path that I did.

"Sure," I respond, picking the bright yellow-green bag off the rack and taking her small hand in my own again.

It always made me laugh to think about how she inherited her Dad's girly soft hands.

After stocking up on a pack of Red Bull and a few Slim Jims, I set everything on the blue counter. And I search my turquoise wallet for my debit card when a familiar voice says, "Kurumi? Kurumi, is that you?"

I look up with a start, surprised to see a familiar face staring back at me.

"Jun? Hey...wow, you still work here?"

He laughs, scanning the bar code of the gummy worms. "Yes. I _still_ work here. But I'm trying to pay my way through med school with my two other jobs."

This took me by surprise. "I didn't know you were trying to become a doctor."

He blushes softly, punching numbers into the keypad of the register. "Nurse, actually...I know that male nurses are in short supply, but they do so much for their patients. To me, they're more there for their patients than the doctors."

I smile, remembering how kind Jun always was to everyone. "They sure do. When I had my daughter, they were a total Godsend. Speaking of my daughter, this is Mako," I explain, gesturing to her as she stands on her tip-toes to see over the counter.

And something I would have never expected to happen, happens, as his eyes tear up. He gives me the warmest smile I'd ever witnessed - rivaling Tohru's - while printing my receipt.

"That is incredible...you have a daughter now? That's crazy."

I bob my head, still wondering how it happened after four years have passed.

He hands me the receipt, but neither of us moves. He doesn't tell me to 'have a nice day' and I don't take my bag to leave. We just stare at each other, memories filling the gap of conversation.

Mako tugs my pants leg, staring up at me with curious amethyst. "Is this Mama's friend?"

Friend? Was Jun my friend? The man that watched me on one of my darkest days all those years ago. The moment in time that Akito lied about Yuki and gave me that picture. The instance I dragged myself to this very gas station, picking up a pack of beer, and losing myself in a whirlwind of drunken stupor. He'd asked me if I was okay? And my only response then was to look back at him through empty eyes and tell him that alcohol would fix me.

But now...now I could feel genuine happiness. Now, I could look back at him with eyes flooded with life and smile like I won the lottery. Because I could say that I was okay now...and this man before me saw me broken, and now whole.

The three letter word that 'now' was represented all that mattered.

"Yes. He's Mama's friend," I reply at last, running my hand through her already medium length blue hair.

Just then, the glass door swings open, and Yuki walks in. After looking left and right, his eyes land on us, and he makes his way over. And my heart pounds because his eyes never leave me. And he's revealed himself to me so much over the years that I can tell what he's thinking, just by looking in those amethyst eyes.

When he arrives, his arm circles my waist, and taps Mako on the nose; laughing when she scrunches her button nose.

"Sorry...I didn't know you were already checking out. I ran out of coffee."

Jun grins as he looks between the three of us. He waves a hand as if to say 'don't worry about it' and he folds his arms, glowing with contentment that of a Father watching his daughter and her family.

"Are you her husband?" He directs at Yuki.

Yuki nods, his eyebrows furrowing. "Yes. Are you Jun? Mai told me about you."

Jun's smile grows and he nods his head, joy sparking in his eyes. "That would be me. I just have to say thank you for being there for her. And you have a beautiful family."

Yuki's stiff demeanor relaxes and he extends a hand for Jun to take it. "Thank you. Its nice to meet you after hearing so many great things."

"It was my pleasure. Are you two headed somewhere? These look like road trip snacks."

"They are," I break in, laughing. "We're on our way to Okinawa to visit my Mom and her husband."

My Mom and my Step-Dad Kaede both relocated to Okinawa. He opened up his own gym over there with a fitness regimen designed to accommodate people with asthma and lung problems. And with help from his own parents, he was able to offer free services for his clientele for the first three months.

Dad, decided to stay around Tokyo, and at Sonata Law Firm. Four years after Yuki and I married - after he got help - he decided to start dating again. He's been dating a woman that worked at his favorite restaurant for the past three months, and no other woman.

But he decided to not go with us this time, because we were visiting Mom for a special reason. She was adopting and we were stopping by to celebrate and to help get things up and running.

Jun gives a nod of approval, watching as Yuki steps aside to get his cup of Dark Roast coffee.

"That sounds wonderful. Well, I don't want to keep you." He leans over, with open arms, and I accept his embrace. And for the first time today, I feel a sad pang in my heart. Because he was moving onto bigger and better things. And soon, he might not be here to greet me. The thought of that was painful.

"You be good, okay? And keep in touch. I want to know how you're doing."

I nod against his chest, sadness welling up like a geyser. "Of course."

He cranes his head to look at Mako, and she giggles at him. "You too Mako. Stay beautiful, alright?"

"Okay," she says, before the coffee machine draws her attention. "That's pretty," she remarks, watching as brown liquid streams from the machine.

And it isn't long before we exchange a final goodbye - at least for now - and Yuki and I leave. But I don't go without taking one last look at the man behind the counter. And realizing that I officially left the old Kurumi behind. A new one stood in the parking lot, feeling nothing but satisfaction in her wake.

* * *

 **I thought about including snippets of their married life. But I'm not sure if anyone's interested. I just did this because I was hit with inspiration.**


End file.
